Anyone can be a food writer, if they have two hands and an Instagram account. But if you want to be a good one, start by reading this snippet from the list of banned words that goes out to the Good Food Guide review team at the beginning of each new eating year.

Hipster The quickest, laziest way to date anything you're writing short of describing business people as "suits".

Mouth-watering Senile and dribbling over your tin plate after too many meds? OK.

"On acid" Unless you're actually Hunter S. Thompson on acid.

"On crack" Unless you are actually Flavor Flav on crack.

One One should never refer to oneself as one unless one is the Queen. And even then, one might use judiciously.

Scrumptious, scrummy Smacks of short, stubby fingers wearing too much jewellery and eating bonbons.

Sinful Has your meal given you a proud look or devised a wicked plot? No? Then think twice.

Sophisticated You know who uses the word sophisticated in a restaurant review? Unsophisticated people. You're not one of those, are you? No, we didn't think so.

Smear Is your name George Papanicolaou? Are you a doctor? Has something bad happened in your pants? If you've answered "no" to all of the above, you know what to do with this word.

Smooth A Kenny G clarinet solo is smooth. Coffee, cocktails and wine are smooth if you're spectacularly unimaginative.

Succulent There's something kind of sleazy about it. Like if James Woods' character in Another Day in Paradise decided to take up food writing instead of petty crime.

Tipple No word sounds more like whizzing into a champagne glass.

Tuck in Only applicable when tucking in pants, beds and shirts.

Uber Super no.