What can I do about my colleague’s awful Kris Kringle gift?

The person who organises our annual Christmas event is a master in the discipline and has established a tradition that everyone looks forward to. We have lovely meals away from the office, followed by an exchange of gifts. Part of the tradition is that people receive excellent, thoughtful gifts during this Kris Kringle.

We had the event last week, and, as usual, everyone got a gift they loved … except one person. This colleague is a friend, and they admitted to me that their gift was so bad it was hurtful. When I found out what it was, I was shocked. It was almost as if the person who bought it had thought we played a variation of the game where everyone gets the worst gift imaginable. My friend says she just wants to forget about it, but I feel terrible for her and wonder if I can rectify this somehow. Any suggestions?

The gift was so bad, in fact, that I suspect your initial suspicion is dead right. Someone in your team has misunderstood the nature of the game.Credit: John Shakespeare

It’s lovely to hear that your workplace has developed such a solid tradition of exchanging gifts that people have put a lot of thought into. Christmas is now so commercialised and routinised that it’s easy to see present giving as more of a tiresome obligation than an expression of generosity and appreciation. The organisational virtuoso at your workplace has done something quite remarkable, I think.

It’s also lovely to hear that you care about your colleague so much that what happened to them feels unignorable to you.

Of course, the gift itself was not lovely at all, a veritable lump of coal in the stocking. Everyone knows the little twinge of dejection that comes from receiving a dud gift, but I completely understand why your friend’s reaction went well beyond a momentary feeling of disappointment.

Just to be clear, you’ve told me what the gift was (we won’t mention it for obvious reasons), and what we’re talking about is not a mere matter of taste; this was a thing nobody would want to receive.

It was so bad, in fact, that I suspect your initial suspicion is dead right. Someone in your team has misunderstood the nature of the game and made a wrong turn down Krap Kringle Avenue. In fact, I know precisely how this has happened before.

A close family member of mine thought they were involved in a worst-gift-you-can-think-of exchange a few years ago and bought a pair of knock-off sunglasses (if you looked closely, you could see the name “Roy Ban” emblazoned on one of the arms).

She threw them in a compost heap, left them there for half a day, then recovered the sunglasses and wrapped them in tin foil, ready to add to the Kris Kringle pile. As the gift-giving unfolded, her error became painfully apparent, and she apologised profusely as the “present” was opened. She called herself a “ninny” in front of the whole group, then went and found a replacement that same day.

The problem here, it seems, is that the person who bought this horrible gift either didn’t realise they’d misunderstood the game or were too embarrassed to admit it in the moment. This being the case, I think it’s highly unlikely they will take it upon themselves to remedy the situation.

So my advice would be to speak to the organiser. They sound like the kind of person who would be mortified to learn the event they take such pride in was a disaster for one participant.

From what I read in your longer email, they also sound like a person with a formidable combination of tact and skills of persuasion. I think if anyone can quickly make this situation right, it’s them.

But I’d have the conversation as soon as you can. If you mention it at the end of December or sometime next year, I think the opportunity will have passed everyone by.

Now, there is a chance that this was not a mistake but more like a catastrophic miscalculation by the gift-giver. Or even an act of nastiness. This seems less likely to me, although a letter I received last year suggests that it’s not implausible.

If this is true, it’s an entirely different situation, but my advice is similar. I think the organiser would want to know that someone in the organisation is spoiling their much-loved event, especially if it’s deliberate.

The office Secret Santa can be a fraught tradition.Credit: Dionne Gain

And if spite was the motivation, I think HR would probably want to know too – not about the gift per se, but about the gift-giver’s desire to demean and humiliate a peer.

If you do decide to get involved, I sincerely hope something can be sorted out and your friend gets a pleasant surprise to eclipse the nasty one – just in time for the end of the year.

This is the final Work Therapy for the year. Thanks so much for taking the time to read it and write to me. The column will return in January, so please keep sending your questions to [e-mail]

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