Let’s have a moment for the finest piece of literature in cinema

There is nothing better than a rom-com speech.

Notting Hill had “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy”. When Harry Met Sally gave us “When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible”. Imagine Me & You had “You’re a wanker, number nine!” (Please watch this film if you do not understand.)

Yes, we all remember Heath’s serenade. But what about Julia Stiles’ poem?

My favourite, though, is the poem read by Kat (Julia Stiles) in 10 Things I Hate About You: a public elegy performed to her classmates, aimed solely at Patrick (played by the late, great Heath Ledger). You might remember the film’s other grand gesture, Patrick’s rendition of Can’t Take My Eyes Off You, one of Ledger’s most memorable and flawless performances. In fact, if you type the song title into Google that film scene is the first recommended search, but my algorithm may be skewed from a late-night propensity of Googling things like “kind beautiful man” and “romantic grand gestures” and “heath ledger 10 things singing LOOPED”.

But this poem, and oh what a poem it is, deserves its time in the spotlight. So, allow me to break this down one stanza at a time. If my high school literature teacher is reading: thank you for teaching me the word “stanza”, Mrs Di Stefano, and my apologies for the following analysis.

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare

GOOSEBUMPS! (Just me?) What a stunning introduction. Firing off personal insults from the get-go, and with such specificity. Hating the way someone drives your car is a relatable pet peeve, so we’ll let the fact that Patrick actually has gorgeous hair slide for now. The more intellectual observers among us may be starting to understand why the film is called 10 Things I Hate About You.

I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme

The Verdicts

• Underrated: 25 years on, Julia Roberts not getting the guy is iconic
• Overrated: Bob Dylan, a great poet? A great delusion more like it
• Overrated: Upstairs, Downstairs, who cares? Can we be done with Downton Abbey, please?
• Underrated: Thanks Apple, but we don’t need new emojis. The perfect option already exists
• Underrated: Agadoo’s fruit-fuelled hellscape is high art, and you can’t convince me otherwise

Publicly declaring that you hate someone’s footwear is a perfect representation of the petty loathing that arises after heartbreak. No matter how objectively large and/or stupid one’s footwear may be, we know it is actually inconsequential and not at all the real issue. A self-aware jibe acknowledging the poem itself speaks to Kat’s self-consciousness, but also her ability to find humour in heartbreak. Get the Dean of Sarah Lawrence on the phone, stat!

I hate the way you’re always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry

Right here is the moment our hearts break: tough, unconventional Kat Stratford, who doesn’t take hooey from nobody … is crying. She’s hurt and confused. The protective cloak of anger and apathy she’s always worn is slipping. This isn’t the first time the audience sees her vulnerability but it’s the first time her peers do, the classmates who tease and ridicule her. And she reveals this vulnerable side by choice. She’s just as insecure and emotional as every other teenager. And now, the grand finale:

I hate the way you’re not around
And the fact that you didn’t call
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

What a dramatic twist of an ending. She doesn’t actually hate him - not even a little bit, not even at all! To be honest, that’s very bold. I believe a little jellybean-sized hatred is healthy for all relationships. This declaration speaks to how deep and raw a first love - and first heartbreak - truly feels.

A rare “f--- you, I love you” juxtaposition, delivered publicly: divine. I maintain that this is a criminally underrated piece of literature and one of the most important pieces of prose for a generation that should retroactively be awarded a Pulitzer Prize for Poetry. Don’t agree with me? That’s fine. Many revolutionary artworks aren’t appreciated in their time.

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