Dally M judging hits farcical new low as 2024 season gets underway

The first round of votes for the 2024 Dally M medal have been locked in and fans cannot believe they’re seeing.

Round 1 witnessed some dumbfounding Dally M votes. Pic: Getty

COMMENT

We all recall those fateful words of Donald Trump in 2020 when he made accusations of voter fraud:

“Thousands of votes have been misappropriated in this election, but at least it isn’t as shonky as the Dally M’s.”

Watch every game of every round this NRL Telstra Premiership Season LIVE with no ad-breaks during play on Kayo. New to Kayo? Start your free trial today >

Wherever your allegiances lie in rugby league’s tribal landscape, we can all agree that following the events of the weekend past, the game’s premiere individual award is now certifiably cooked.

While the six point maximum awarded to Nico Hynes for his undistinguished performance in the Sharks win over the Warriors probably won’t be tried in The Hague, the one point awarded to Hamiso Tabuai-Fidow in the Dolphins 43-18 shellacking should be.

Yes, we’ve all accepted halfbacks receiving default votes, but even a sensory-dulled sloth could’ve detected enough colours and shapes on the TV on Sunday afternoon to know Tabuai-Fidow had such a shocker that the only vote he should’ve earned was if it were the Barry M’s.

You could’ve taken your pick from a long queue of performers more deserving, with Cowboys halves Tom Dearden and Chad Townsend toying with the Dolphins defence all day and Kyle Feldt running for over 200 metres and a try.

Nicho Hynes was far from the Sharks best against the Warriors. (Photo by Hannah Peters/Getty Images)

Hamiso Tabuai-Fidow had a tough first outing in 2024. (Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images)

Compared this to the Hammer’s clumsy afternoon at the back which returned only the one try assist - a scuffed kick direct to the Cowboys’ Heilum Luki - and what other plausible explanation was there for the judges casting him a vote other than laziness or autocorrect?Adam Reynolds also polled a shock vote for Broncos’ loss to the Roosters in Vegas, while Joseph Manu received nothing despite playing an outstanding game.

Either way, it continues a tsunami of flak for the bedraggled gong, with many already questioning whether the voting is a meticulous process judged by the sharpest minds in the game, or just some dialled-in afterthought based on vibes and SuperCoach.

Whether criticisms over the flawed model, accusations of lazy bias or just Ruan Sims getting busted voting on a match staged at the same time she was playing, many are beginning to wonder if it’s time the winner’s medal is replaced with a gaslight.

Awarded to the game’s best and fairest, players are adjudged in Dally M voting on a number of factors such as storyline, vague plausibility and whether he has gorgeous eyes, and many other things that have little to do with actual football.

Tom Dearden deserved at least one point from the Dally M judges. (Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images)

This sees playmakers disproportionately rewarded, forwards rendered virtual nobodies, and a select few enjoying a 10% hike under the Narrative Levy and Good Bloke Tariff.

While everybody loves Hynes, romping to a record haul of votes in 2022 to be virtually crowned the greatest individual season that ever was, respectfully speaking, proved the whole thing was totally off its chops.

This saw the 3-2-1 system tweaked in 2023 in favour of a two judge model in an attempt to dilute further miscarriages and the vagaries of the human mind, but this has only doubled the clangers and tripled the heat.

The fact judges were also made anonymous under these changes should’ve been a red flag in itself, with authorities obviously foreseeing a need to prevent any chance of punters bailing them up in Woolies for an explanation on why “youse robbed Junior Paulo bro.”

Hamiso Tabuai-Fidow gets a Dally M point in the Dolphins’ 43-12 loss to North Queensland. I reckon if you asked Hamiso, even he’d say it was in the five worst games he’s ever played.

It’s laughable he got a point for that. How? #NRL

— Scott Bailey (@ScottBaileyAAP) March 10, 2024

Stuff like this is why I’m start in to fear the Dally M’s are beyond saving. Big fan of Tabuai-Fidow but he was the worst player on the field today. pic.twitter.com/DVuYRpKFWk

— Nick Campton (@campo37) March 10, 2024

Here we go again !
Two stand outs for me are….
Adam Reynolds had a very ordinary match yet someone thought he was the 3rd best player.
Joey Manu gets zero.

And how does any player get points after their team is flogged 43-18 ?

Anything else ? pic.twitter.com/Jz3wd30crU

— The Oracle (@BigOtrivia) March 10, 2024

Of course, it’s only natural that a concept like the Dally M’s will always be surrounded by debate, as would anything that combines wildly fluctuating factors like arbitrary performance appraisal and retired props.

It’s also true that as of last census, 99.8% of fans have never played first grade, and half the time, a lot of us don’t know what we’re talking about.

However, the Venn diagram of public opinion and the judges is now barely on the same page, and it’s seen a growing stench attach itself to the award - and it’s time to fish the dead rat out of the crawlspace.

Either give each player a rating out of 10, adopt the American MVP model, or just get a bunch of talking heads and former greats together to thrash out a winner over six beers and a Chinese feed - just anything but the status quo.

Because right now, we’d get a more accurate representation on the game’s finest from Gary the Octopus or the bloke who awarded Billy Slater the Wally Lewis Medal in 2018.

- Dane Eldridge is a warped cynic yearning for the glory days of rugby league, a time when the sponges were magic and the Mondays were mad.

He’s never strapped on a boot in his life, and as such, should be taken with a grain of salt.