The sex act women find harder to do compared to men

It’s a bedroom act that most heterosexual men will nearly “always” complete – but when it comes to women there’s a stunning difference.

There’s an expectation around sex, perpetuated by steamy on-screen encounters, that sex will end with an orgasm for both partners – preferably at the same time.

But the reality just doesn’t stack up against this. Especially in heterosexual sex.

In a well-known phenomenon referred to as ‘The Orgasm Gap’, men are twice as likely to reach orgasm than women during heterosexual encounters.

Research has shown that only 65 per cent of heterosexual women ‘usually’ or ‘always’ orgasm during sex compared to 95 per cent of heterosexual men. (This differs greatly for lesbian and bisexual women, of which 86 per cent usually orgasm.)

In fact, one third of women struggle to reach orgasm regularly and about one in ten sexually active women have never had an orgasm at all.

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Why do orgasms matter?

Orgasms contribute to greater sexual satisfaction, feelings of empowerment and increased sexual desire. Increased sexual satisfaction can additionally have a positive impact on relationship satisfaction.

Orgasms aren’t essential for enjoyable, satisfying sex. (I actually think this is one of the biggest sex myths we need to let go of.)

But when you want to reach orgasm and just can’t quite get there, it can be frustrating and disappointing for both of you. Both people can end up feeling inadequate and ashamed.

What causes The Orgasm Gap?

There are a number of contributing factors to The Orgasm Gap.

Lack of sexual education is a major factor in the orgasm gap, as are sexual expectations for women.

Many women are unsure about what they enjoy sexually, struggle with a belief that sex can be about their pleasure too (not just their partner’s) and may have difficulty communicating to their partners about what they want.

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Heterosexual women orgasm significantly less than men during sex. Picture: iStock

What can we do about it?

It’s believed that a very small percentage of women are unable to reach orgasm (due to the impacts of medications or medical conditions), but most women can learn to reach orgasm with the right advice and practical suggestions.

As a Couples Therapist and Sexologist, this is one of the most common issues that women and couples seek my help with.

There are proven methods that increase the likelihood of you (or your partner) reaching orgasm.

Build anticipation throughout the day

Sexy is a state of mind. Research shows that women who send their partners suggestive text messages throughout the day or wear sexy lingerie in anticipation of sex have an increased chance of reaching orgasm.

Spend longer on foreplay

One of the most common reasons women struggle to reach orgasm is that they don’t spend enough time on foreplay.

Women’s bodies go through complex changes to prepare for sex. These changes help us avoid pain and increase pleasure. These changes take about 15 minutes.

Spending at least 15-20 minutes significantly increases a women’s chance of orgasm and can improve enjoyment for both partners

Include the ‘golden trio’ of moves in foreplay

Research has found that when oral sex, hand-genital stimulation and deep kissing are included during foreplay, our chances of reaching orgasm are further increased.

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More foreplay and communicate increase your chance of orgasm. Picture: iStock

Discover what you like

We are responsible for our own pleasure. When we don’t know what we enjoy, it’s hard to give feedback to a partner.

Learn what you like. For women who don’t know, there are a range of educational websites to help.

One such website, Climax, studied how over 90,000 women pleasure themselves and share the most popular techniques for women and their partners.
Learn to communicate what you like with a partner

Being able to talk about sex openly and honestly is a proven factor in increased sexual satisfaction.

We need to move away from the idea that asking for feedback or sharing what we want somehow ‘breaks the mood’ or isn’t necessary. Creating a culture of open communication around sex can increase enjoyment for both of you.

Use direct clitoral stimulation

There’s a huge sex myth that says women should reach orgasm through penetration alone. This is completely untrue.

About one third of women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm. A further one third say that orgasm feels better when clitoral stimulation is included.

Add stimulation to the clitoris using your hands, a specifically designed clitoral vibrator or a couple’s toy.

Isiah McKimmie is a couples therapist, sexologist and news.com.au advice columnist. For more expert advice follow her on Instagram and visit her website.