Relationship Rehab: Reason woman has ‘very low sex drive’

A woman has revealed the surprising reason for her low sex drive, but an expert has revealed she is far from alone.

Welcome to Relationship Rehab, news.com.au’s weekly column solving all your romantic problems, no holds barred.

This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie hears from a woman has become confused about her relationship and her sexuality.

Question: I suffer from having large breasts which have caused me to have low self-esteem, lack confidence, and have a very low sex drive. I often receive crude comments and stares from men which gets me down. I would love to learn to love my body again and boost my confidence and my sex drive. Is there anything you can recommend that would help?

Answer: I’m sure it’s sometimes difficult to get empathy for your situation, you’re not alone in your struggle. Women with large breasts can suffer physical discomfort and negative psychological outcomes. Women with larger breasts have higher rates of depression, anxiety and body shame and can develop back issues from hunching over trying to hide themselves.

It makes sense that you’re feeling uncomfortable and lacking confidence. None of us like to feel that we’re being objectified, stared at or judged for how we look.

A woman has revealed that her ‘large breasts’ is the reason she has low self-esteem and a ‘very low sex drive’.

Ideally, I’d like to recommend that we teach men not to objectify women or make them uncomfortable by staring at them, but I realise this is neither easy or something that is going to happen quickly.

Unfortunately this leaves you in the position of having to bear the burden of others’ actions.

As someone who struggled with body image for decades, I have empathy and some suggestions for you.

In regards to body image, we can either change our body or we can change how we feel about our body.

I’m almost loathe to suggest this idea (and you may have already tried it), but there are compress supports available that reduce bust size. If you haven’t already, consider doing some research or reaching out to a stylist on clothes that can hide your breasts and help you feel more confident about yourself.

For me, changing my body wasn’t an option. There are no reliable treatment methods for the skin condition I have. I realised I could either spend my entire life feeling uncomfortable with it or I could change my mindset.

I know that’s easier said than done.

Suggestions

Here are some suggestions to feel more confident based on body image research and what worked for me.

Don’t blame yourself

Understand there’s a broader context impacting you here. Societal norms and judgments about the ways we ‘should’ look are real and have an impact on us.

Cultivate self-awareness

Self awareness is an important part of self esteem. People who have greater self awareness also tend to have greater self esteem. Self awareness also helps us set boundaries and recognise what is and isn’t serving us. It also includes being able to recognise our emotions, know our strengths and be aware of our dreams and goals.

Practice mindfulness

Getting into our body (and out of our mental chatter) is a form of mindfulness. Mindfulness has been proven to literally help re-wire our brain for greater happiness. When we begin to connect with our body, we become less influenced by negative thinking.

Isiah said women with larger breasts have higher rates of depression, anxiety and body shame and can develop back issues from hunching over trying to hide themselves. Picture: iStock

Give yourself permission to feel pleasure

Do you allow yourself to feel pleasure or do you hold yourself back? When we focus on the pleasure our body can feel instead of worrying what it looks like, physical appearance becomes less important. We start to value and appreciate our body for the pleasure it can bring us. Love for our body then starts to grow.

Start with finding just ONE thing that you love or appreciate about your body

Write down one thing that you appreciate about your body every day. Actually keep a little notebook of all the things you appreciate. At the beginning you might find only the same thing over and over but the more you look for things you like, the more you train your mind to focus on those things – and the more of them you’ll find.

Curate your feed — and your life

What we see around us hugely impacts our thoughts. This includes media, social media and the people we surround ourselves with. Scrolling social media – and seeing other people’s perfect curated lives and bodies can damage our self-esteem, increase feelings of depression and cause huge bouts of ‘comparisonitis’, making us feel generally crappy and inadequate. Make a point to unfollow anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. Choose to surround yourself – online and offline – with people that love and support you.

Isiah McKimmie is a couples therapist, sex therapist and sexologist. For more expert advice follow her on Instagram. If you have a question for Isiah, email [e-mail]