Relationship Rehab: Couple’s X-rated sex request they are afraid to search online

They’ve been together for five years and want to “spice up” things in the bedroom – but they’re scared their idea is too racy to research online.

Welcome to Relationship Rehab, news.com.au’s weekly column solving all your romantic problems, no holds barred. This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie tackles a couple who want to try new sex positions, but don’t know where to start.

What are the best sex positions?

QUESTION: How do I find some good sex positions to try out? My partner and I want to spice up our sex life but we’re afraid to google sex positions as we don’t want to find porn! We’re a straight couple and have been together for five years. We always end up doing missionary or doggie which is fun but can get samey. We want to try positions that will give us extra stimulation and intensify the experience – but nothing too weird. Help!

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ANSWER: How wonderful that you’ve been able to talk about this and agree that you’d like to add variety to your intimacy.

Sex often becomes routine in a long-term relationship. You can fall into what ‘works’ and feel unsure about how to change things up. Being able to talk about it, as you have, is a key component in having long-term satisfying sex together.

There are fairly simple adjustments you can make to sex to add playfulness and variety without venturing into areas that might feel uncomfortable for you.

Trying new sex positions doesn’t need to be complex.

Here are simple changes you can make to the positions you’re already using that can change sensation and intensity, along with some additional positions that don’t require yogi-flexibility.

Variations on missionary position for increased pleasure:

1. Keep your legs together

The partner underneath (usually the person being penetrated) can bring their legs together and keep them straight. This changes the angle of penetration slightly and can add pressure to the clitoris.

2. Wrap your legs around his lower back

Again, the partner underneath can change their leg position to wrap around their partner’s lower back. This tends to allow for deeper penetration.

3. Pull your legs back to your chest

Taking the previous adjustment even further, the partner underneath can bend their legs and bring them back towards the chest, allowing for deeper penetration again.

4. Add a pillow under your lower back

Adding pillows under the lower back of the person underneath can add support to the lower back and change the angle of penetration. (This position is also a useful adjustment for oral sex.)

5. Penetrator crouch on knees

The partner on top can bend their knees, taking more of the weight. This can allow more movement for the partner underneath. The top partner can also move to a more upright position (kneeling) from there.

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Sex can easily become routine in a long-term relationship. Picture: iStock.

How to change up doggie style for enhanced sensation:

1. Adjust the height of your arms

The receiving partner rests on elbows in traditional doggy style, but you can take the weight off your arms completely and rest your chest on the bed.

2. Adjust the height/angle of your pelvis.

This isn’t technically ‘doggie’ style, but you can change the angle of this position so you’re essentially lying on your stomachs.

3. Use cushions to support you.

The receptive partner can use pillows to support them rather than having to hold their own weight.

4. Add extra stimulation.

Doggie style a great position for adding toys like butt plugs or a clitoral vibrator for extra stimulation.

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Sexologist and couples therapist Isiah McKimmie.

Easy sex positions to try that don’t require acrobatics:

Spooning

In this position the receptive partner is entered from behind. Although it’s difficult to get much movement or depth, it’s an intimate position – great for slow Sunday mornings.

Cowgirl

This is the classic woman-on-top position, where a woman kneels on her reclined partner. I know many women are hesitant to try this position, because it feels more visible and vulnerable, but it gives you more control to discover the angles and speed that feels best for you. It also allows easy access to the clitoris meaning you can add stimulation using a vibrator or your hands.

Yab Yum

This is a classic ‘kama sutra’ pose where a man sits cross-legged and his partner straddles him wrapping her legs around his low back.

You get to face each other and it’s great for putting pressure on the clitoris.

If sitting cross-legged is uncomfortable, you can both unwrap your legs and lean back, supporting your weight with your hands.

Keep in mind

Experimenting sexually is meant to be fun. Go in with an attitude of playfulness and curiosity. Not everything you do will feel amazing, sometimes it will be downright awkward. That’s normal. Keep communicating and trying new things.

Isiah McKimmie is a couple’s therapist, sex therapist and sexologist. For more expert advice follow her on Instagram.

If you have a question for Isiah, email [e-mail]