Nadia Bokody: Sex loophole singles are exploiting

In a post-Covid world, there are many things people can now live without – but sex isn’t one of them, according to Nadia Bokody.

As it turns out, there are many things I can live without.

Sipping overpriced cocktails with friends after work, a religiously waxed bikini line, and waiting in the freezing cold to get into a crowded club at midnight all seemed important pre-covid. (I’m a millennial, OK. Don’t come for me.)

But in a post-pandemic world, I’ve learned to be surprisingly content (albeit traumatised by the ingrown hair situation my razor is producing) with just four things: shelter, food, exercise … and sex.

I know this because I spent last lockdown so miserable, my therapist offered me a frequent client discount. The difference between now and 2020?

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Nadia Bokody says sex is a necessity in lockdown, especially if you’re single. Picture: Nadia Bokody/Instagram

I’ll give you a hint: I wasn’t short on food, jogging tracks to pound out the cabin fever on, or a roof over my head back then.

Thankfully, like a lot of singletons at the start of the latest lockdown, I went exclusive with the person I was dating and have since been capitalising on the government’s relationship exemption, which falls under “caring and compassionate visits” and allows for “visiting a person you are in a relationship with but do not live with”.

And if my positive outlook despite the hellscape that’s been the last month in Sydney confirms anything, it’s that regular sex is as critical to our wellbeing as those essential trips to Woolies and the daily walks we’ve all accustomed to (and, evidently, stocking up on Quilton Double Ply).

But given there’s no hard and fast definition of what exactly classifies as a “relationship”, some people are taking to dating apps to secure lockdown sex partners.

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Nadia believes regular sex is as important to our wellbeing as exercise. Picture: Nadia Bokody/Instagram

In a quick informal poll I conducted on Instagram, roughly 20 per cent of Aussie respondents said they’ve exploited the intimate partner allowance to pursue casual sex during lockdown.

“I have two f**k buddies I’m currently seeing. I met one on Grindr and one in a sauna, before lockdown started. They both know I’m not interested in a relationship. We just visit each other when we’re horny or needing human interaction that isn’t a walk,” says Marcus*, 39.

Likewise, Jade*, 28, shares when restrictions took place, she came to an arrangement with her existing friend-with-benefits.

“It just made sense to call ourselves ‘intimate partners’ during the restrictions. At the moment, I don’t really see a relationship in the future for us beyond friendship, though.”

Another dating app user, Thomas*, 23, says he connected with someone on Hinge just as much for sex as for his capacity to cope with the stress of restrictions.

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Nadia spoke to singles who are exploiting the ‘intimate partner’ loophole in lockdown. Picture: Nadia Bokody/Instagram

“I think if I was going all this time without the emotional and physical release of sex I’d really struggle,” he admits.

In fact, this sentiment echoes something scientists have long known about the link between physical intimacy and mental health.

Research published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine found regular touch is so fundamental to our overall sense of happiness, it has the ability to significantly lower our cortisol (stress hormone) levels, keeping us calmer throughout the day and less prone to anxiety.

Which makes sense, given a roll in the hay boosts feel good hormones in the brain, including dopamine and oxytocin. One study even found having sex daily for a fortnight led to cell growth in the hippocampus (the brain’s emotion centre) of mice.

And while it’s indisputable some people are pushing the limits of the relationship exemption (please don’t be that d**khead) to cash in on these benefits, its myriad of interpretations ultimately highlight the fact there’s no right way to couple up.

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Regular touch is essential to our happiness, Nadia said. Picture: Nadia Bokody/Instagram

“I’ve seen profiles on Tinder just outright stating they’re looking for ‘lockdown fun’,” says Matt, 33.

“My last two booty calls were through people I found on apps, but they were outside of my LGA. Now restrictions are underway, I’m thinking of coming to an arrangement with one of them so we can continue to see each other.”

It certainly seems that, at the end of the day, what really matters to most of us isn’t whether we can go to the pub this weekend or schedule in another salon appointment; it’s physical connection.

That said, when this is all over, there’s a good chance you’ll find me lined up somewhere in the city at midnight with a freshly waxed bikini line. I’ll take sex over overpriced cocktails and a hairless crotch any day, but if I never have to take a razor to my pubic hair again, it’ll be too soon.

* Names have been changed.

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