How much sex Aussies are having and which state has the most sex

A sexologist says one of the most common questions people have is how often other people are having sex. Well, now we know the answer.

Is the Northern Territory the sexiest state of Australia? Results from news.com.au’s The Great Aussie Debate are in and there are a few surprises in the mix.

It’s easy to think that everyone else has a great sex life. We can imagine that “everyone else” is having the kind of sex we see on screen: passionate, sexy, without embarrassing noises or the need to tell a partner what feels good … and, seemingly, frequent.

But that certainly isn’t the state of sex for most of us.

Results from the Great Aussie Debate are in and overwhelmingly the results show that most of us want more of it.

How much sex are Aussies having?

As a couples therapist and sexologist, one of the most common questions I get asked is “how often are other people having sex?” or “how much sex is average?”

The Great Aussie Debate from news.com.au has revealed how often people are having sex. Picture: iStock

According to responses from readers, most people are having sex once a week or one-to-two times per month, although those aged 18-29 are having slightly more.

Almost one third report having sex more than twice a week.

Tiredness, stress, having full and busy lives impacts desire for most couples, especially those with kids. Unsurprisingly, most people with kids are managing an average of one-to-four times a month.

Proving that it is possible to maintain desire into older age are the 8 per cent of people 70+ who reported having sex two-to-five times a week.

In terms of a breakdown by regions, Northern Territory respondents reported having the most amount of sex, with almost a quarter of them having sex more than twice a week.

8 per cent of people 70+ are having sex two-to-five times a week. Picture: iStock

Most of us still want to be having more sex

More than half of people surveyed reported wanting sex more often than they are right now.

Importantly, almost half (48 per cent) of female respondents said they’d like to be having more sex than they currently are — an important break in the stereotype that higher desire is a male domain.

Certainly in my experience as a Sexologist, I’ve also found that in heterosexual relationships, women commonly have a higher sexual desire than their partners.

NT respondents also had the highest percentage of people wanting more sex, despite having the highest frequency as it is.

Who are we having sex with?

Worryingly, 2.9 per cent of people who were surveyed reported that they were having sex with someone other than their partner without their partner knowing about it.

To be more specific, 4 per cent of men reported currently having sex deceptively with someone other than their committed partner compared to 1 per cent of women.

That fits with the increasing rates of infidelity across the board often made easier through access to multiple partners through our busy lives and dating apps.

And again, when we break this down by state, the NT tops the charts.

And what about sending nudes?

The older you are, the less likely you are to have exchanged explicit photos with someone.

Except, if you’re in the NT! People in the Northern Territory are slightly more likely to have sent nudes than those in the rest of the country. Which leads me to ask: Is the Northern Territory the sexiest state in Australia?

Why does all of this matter?

Sex, for many of us, is an important part of our relationships and lives. When we’re unsatisfied or experiencing challenges around sex, it can trigger some of the deepest parts of ourselves and cause disconnection and tension in our relationship.

What’s missing from this data is whether people are enjoying the sex they’re having and whether they want more of it because it’s good or because they want to please their partner.

Either way, the good news is that good sex (and healthy relationships) is a skill that can be learned. And our lives can be enriched for it.

Isiah McKimmie is a Couples Therapist, Sexologist, Sex Therapist and Lecturer. To book a session with her, visit her website or follow her on Instagram for more advice on relationships, sex and intimacy.