Relationship Rehab: ‘Weird’ problem beautiful people have dating

For as long as I can remember my good looks have always helped me get a date – but now I’m getting older it’s started to cause an annoying issue.

Welcome to Relationship Rehab, news.com.au’s weekly column solving all your romantic problems, no holds barred.

This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie helps a woman whose looks attract the wrong men, a wife sick of her interfering mother-in-law and a girlfriend unsure of when she should meet her boyfriend’s children.

HELP! I CAN’T ATTRACT THE RIGHT MEN

QUESTION: I’m in a weird situation that some people might think is lucky but for me it’s a huge issue. I’m what you might call “genetically blessed”; I have a good figure, a pretty face and I don’t have to try hard to look attractive. In my 20s it was fun because everyone was single and flirty, so I had lots of short-term partners and enjoyed life. But now I’m 32 and want to settle down, I feel like my good looks attract the wrong men. I crave the simple life – soulmate, kids, nice home – but every man I seem to date is very preoccupied with my looks. It always boils down to them wanting to have sex with me and then moving on to find their wife. How do I make sure I attract the right type of man who isn’t just into my good looks?

RELATED: Mum’s ‘stupid’ cheating mistake

ANSWER: Meeting the right person can be challenging and takes time. It’s a great start to know what you’re looking for.

It’s really disappointing when we meet people who aren’t looking for the same thing we are. The changed online dating scene in recent years has unfortunately brought in a culture of short-term gratification and quickly moving on.

It can be challenging sorting through the slew of online dating profiles out there and deciding who to meet.

Consider where you’re meeting these potential partners. Each of the dating apps has their own slightly different subculture and expectations. Try a few out and see if you find more serious matches on one than the others.

Our appearance can give a certain impression and attract a certain kind of person. You might be attractive, but consider how you’re presenting yourself. If you’re using online dating apps, carefully consider which photos you’re using and choose photos that show you in a natural way.

Choosing people who aren’t really into you for you sounds like a pattern that you have. We all carry patterns in relationships that usually began in childhood. Examine the relationships you had with your parents – especially with your father-figure. Notice what patterns are repeating themselves and what your underlying beliefs about relationships are. Being aware of these patterns and underlying beliefs is the first step in helping to change them. It then becomes easier to choose different actions moving forward.

RELATED: What ruined my ‘year of sex’

Meeting the right person is always challenging but it can help to know what you are looking for. Picture: iStock

When you’re exploring a potential match, you may need to use a little more discernment before allowing things to progress. Take your time having an online conversation and then a phone conversation. Be aware of what you’re looking for in a partner and who seems like a really good fit for you.

You may also want to try meeting people in person. Going to classes or events around things you like means you’ll already have common interests.

Even once you have met someone in person, take things slowly. It can be tempting to move ahead quickly, especially when you feel there’s attraction there, but sometimes slowing down allows us to really work out how we feel about someone and what the connection between us is.

Sexologist and couples therapist Isiah McKimmie.

HOW DO I GET MY MOTHER-IN-LAW TO BACK OFF?

QUESTION: My mother-in-law is always butting into my business and my husband never tells her to back off. Should I tell her to mind her own business or is it my husband’s job to say something?

ANSWER: Managing in-laws can be tricky and often causes tension and disagreements in a relationship.

This is something that you and your husband need to talk about together. It’s important you and your husband are a team on this and support each other. Your mother-in-law needs to understand that your husband is on your team and will continue to support you.

Who should say what to your mother-in-law largely depends on what needs to be said and how she’s likely to take it. Have a conversation with your husband first to talk together about the best way of approaching it.
RELATED: Sex bombshell wife is hiding

There is no ‘right time’ to meet your new partner’s children. Picture: iStock

WHEN SHOULD I MEET MY PARTNER’S CHILDREN?

QUESTION: I’ve recently started dating a guy who has two kids. He says he wants me to meet them but I’m not sure as we’ve only been together for a few months. When is a good time to introduce yourself as a potential step-parent?

ANSWER: There is no ‘right time’ for this. It’s about what works for you and your new partner.

Besides ‘taking the relationship to the next level’, there may be other good reasons he wants you to meet the kids, such as making sure they feel informed and included or to see how you interact with the kids before things get more serious.

What’s important is how you communicate about this together. Have an in-depth discussion about this so you can make sure you understand each other’s needs and perspective. If after those discussions you still don’t feel comfortable, you need to let him know.

Isiah McKimmie is a couples therapist, sex therapist and sexologist. For more expert advice follow her on Instagram.