‘I’m not his carer, he’s my husband. Don’t tell me I can do better’

Adelaide couple Phil and Susan Eling want everyone to know that their marriage is real and his disability won’t stop their love.

When Susan Eling, 29, from Adelaide, SA, met Phil Eling she had no idea he’d be the love of her life. She tells her story in her own words.

“Thank you for meeting with me,” I told the three men who were about to interview me for a job in disability services.

I’d moved to Australia from Kenya in 2015 to gain a better education. After graduating, I was determined to get a good job, which is why I was here, hoping to impress my potential employer.

The interview went well, and I desperately wanted the job but didn’t dare get my hopes up.

“We’ll be in touch before the weekend,” one of the men told me.

Susan Njogu moved to Australia from Kenya to start a new life. Picture: Sanjaydigital.com

A few days later, on a Sunday, I opened my computer to find an email from the company. I was a little confused: why were they writing on a weekend?

Hello, I hope this email finds you well, the message read. I was the man in the wheelchair during the interview – I just felt we had a connection. I hope this doesn’t offend you, but I’d love to get to know you more. From Phil.

I was a little surprised and, in honesty, I’d been too nervous in the interview to even notice that one of the men was in a wheelchair!

Eventually, I found out I got the job.

Phil and I had been exchanging emails and texts, and a few weeks after starting my new job, we met up for a coffee date. Phil explained to me that he has a form of muscular dystrophy, known as Bethlem myopathy. It didn’t bother me, but I noticed people looking at us.

“It’s OK,” Phil, then 29, said. “It happens a lot.”

Susan Njogu and Phil Eling connected when she went for a job interview. Picture: Sanjaydigital.com

I felt a pang of sorrow, especially when I learned that he’d never had a partner before.

Phil never made me feel embarrassed, but I knew what people would think when looking at us. They’d assume I was his carer – I hated that. Why couldn’t we just be two people getting a coffee and getting to know each other?

Phil was hilarious and I loved his caring and kind nature. As the months drew on, we became closer. I even met his family.

Those looks from strangers always made me nervous, especially when we would share a coffee or food in public. What if people filmed me and shamed me online for stealing his food because they thought I was his carer?

“Don’t worry, I’m on your side,” Phil reassured me.

One day, four months after meeting, we were at Phil’s home with his family. Phil put on my favourite song and I started dancing in the middle of the room. We played the song again and then Phil spoke up.

“Can we stop the music?” he said. So I did.

“Is everything OK?” I asked him.

He nodded, smiling nervously. “I hope I don’t mispronounce anything, but I just wanted to say this,” he replied, before switching to my native language of Swahili.

“Nakupenda,” he said, which means I love you.

He spoke of how I am the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up and the last thing before he goes to sleep.

“Will you be my wife?” he asked in Swahili. Overwhelmed, I said yes.

Phil Eling proposed to Susan. Picture: Sanjaydigital.com

“Why do you want me?” I asked later.

“Because you’re amazing,” he replied. “I always wanted to find love before I was 30 – and I was so lucky you came into my life when you did.”

Phil’s family were ecstatic, wrapping us in hugs. We did a Zoom call with my parents and they joined in our jubilation, supporting us wholeheartedly.

Sadly, not everyone agreed and I even lost a few friends after I told them my exciting engagement news.

“You can do better,” one said.

I was shocked. How could I do better than a loving and caring man who made me feel like I was the most special person on the Earth?

“I don’t know what he sees in me – it’s more like the other way around,” I argued back.

We married in January of 2018 in a beautiful garden wedding like I had always dreamed of, with friends and family from around the world.

Susan and Phil Eling on their wedding day. Picture: Sanjaydigital.com

Since we’ve been married, we’ve been posting about our life as an inter-able and mixed-race couple on YouTube, under the user names Princess Suzzy Eling-Australia and Philgood_Productions.

We show people what our everyday lives are like to normalise it. Most people are very supportive, but some have called me a gold-digger!

It can be hurtful, but I have my lovely husband by my side through it all.

I am so thankful Phil sent me that email after my job interview. Every day, we become closer and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

This article originally appeared in Take 5 magazine and was reproduced with permission