‘My husband and BFF are always nude around each other and I’m not OK with it’

He‘s happy to walk out of the bathroom without putting any clothes on and she changes in front of him constantly. Am I overthinking it?

Question:

What‘s the best way to approach a conversation with your husband and friend about boundaries? My long time best friend and partner have been very close for years, and don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved that we can all spend time together.

She’s recently divorced and I was initially worried about her feeling like a third wheel when she came to visit, but it’s been really comfortable, no issues whatsoever.

The last few months however she‘s been staying with us for a little while during lockdown while she gets back on her feet financially and finds a new place to live, and they’ve become a bit ’too’ comfortable.

He’s happy to walk out of the bathroom after a shower to his room without putting any clothes on, and she changes in front of him constantly when doing laundry.

They joke a lot about how they consider each other like siblings and there’s no presence of flirting or anything like that, they punch each other in the arm and bag each other out majority of the time.

I trust both of them wholeheartedly. For some reason I just feel weird about the nakedness aspect. Am I overthinking it? Or would anyone else feel the same way?

And if so do I chat to my partner first about it? I hope I‘m not coming off as insecure or jealous, I just need a little advice!

Answer:

First thing I would do is, open up a savings account, and put all your money into this savings account. And maybe some of your husband’s too. Then I would use some money to buy a hidden camera.

You can buy some from spy stores. Then I would record the damning evidence I imagine you to find and use it when you divorce him and take all his sh*t so he and the woman who-makes-single-mothers-look-bad and like they can’t be friends with couples, can live a happy ever life in the gutter.

I am sorry, but the whole “he’s like my brother” line, is only used when someone is becoming defensive and needs to cover up what is actually going on.

I am the biggest devil’s advocate, but this, THIS is like days of our lives and I ain't buying any of that sh*t.

The fact that they are naked in front of each other actually just makes me infuriated, because it actually says to me they are comfortable to see each other’s body. I don’t have a biological brother, I had step brothers, and I would never get naked in front of either. So they can F right off with that crap.

If you're in need of advice, you can submit a question to Kidspot's Advice Needed columnist, Laura Mazza. Source: supplied.If you're in need of advice, you can submit a question to Kidspot's Advice Needed columnist, Laura Mazza. Source: supplied.

This is so damn disrespectful to you. This is not a boundary you should have to address. Your friend should just have common sense to not do this and your husband should know better.

That to me SCREAMS red flag. I am disappointed in both of them. And honestly, if it hasn’t happened? I’d hate to say it, but the desire seems to be there.

My ex and I used to call each other “d*ckheads” when we first started flirting, so the whole playful friend thing can mean something more. You, on the other hand, are the most beautiful and calm individual I’ve ever had the pleasure to answer a question for. You are neither jealous nor insecure, not in the slightest.

This is a VERY valid concern. Jesus! If this was me, I would literally paint myself in the same colour as your walls and camouflage myself into them just so I could spy because my gut feeling would be off the chart.

I want to give you some advice like, sit down and very diplomatically, say that you appreciate your friendship but you’d like for them to respect boundaries, and their nakedness makes you uncomfortable, but I just can’t even type it because I feel like that should always just be a given. I wonder if your husband had a mate over, how he would feel if you and his mate just got naked in front of each other.

If a best friend and husband are already showing signs of desire, an affair could stem from the situation.

My gut feeling says he wouldn’t like it very much. So honestly, I’d get some legal advice, then I’d get that evidence on a little spy cam, then I’d invite all your friends over to watch a home movie, get the popcorn out and while everyone is watching them be “brothers and sisters”. I’d pack his and her stuff and throw it out on the lawn and set it on fire.

But that’s just me.

Good luck honey, YOU deserve a man that would tell a friend that he would like for her not to cross his boundaries by being naked. That’s what should be happening, not you telling him.