17-yr-old Allem took his life after bullying

When Allem died by suicide at 19 after being bullied, it was the first time in Australia a suicide was ruled the victim of a crime.

In 2008, then 17-year-old Allem Halkic’s friend turned into his cyberbully. After a falling out over a girl Allem suffered slander, verbal attacks and threats of physical violence. Not even a year later, he died by suicide.

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“You’re a f***ing bitch. I’ll put you in hospital … It’s payback time,” said a threatening message received by Allem, reported byThe Agein 2010.

“Don’t be surprised if you get hit some time soon,’’ said another.

The bullying only escalated, with threats starting to be made against friends and family who were closest to him, too. Despite Allem’s attempts to de-escalate the situation, it only got worse.

On February 4, 2009, Allem took his life.

Earlier that evening, his parents — Ali and Dina — hadn’t noticed anything unusual about their beloved son’s demeanour or actions, going to bed around 9.30pm after Allem had come downstairs in their family home for a snack.

What they didn’t know, is that around 1am, Allem had a phone conversation with his bully. Hours later, he was gone.

Allem's parents Ali (L) and Dina Halkic (R) with Julia Gillard. Picture: supplied.

His parents — who described him as an energetic, happy teenager — were completely overwhelmed by the news, but were dedicated to campaigning for awareness around the dangers of cyber-bullying.

As a result of their efforts, in April 2011 a hearing conducted by the victims of Crime Assistance Tribunal (VOCAT) formally recognised Allem as a victim of crime in a landmark decision, and the first in Australia.

Allem’s bully avoided jail, but received an 18-month community-based order.

“It just demonstrates SMS messages or internet communication may have severe consequences on intended victims whether it was meant to or not,’’ magistrate Peter Reardon said at the time of the hearing.

“People really should think about what they are doing instead of just hammering some message of hate or aggression.”.

Allem’s anti-bullying legacy

Allem’s legacy lives on through Victorian-based leading bullying prevention charity, Bully Zero.

Launched in March 2013 by then Prime Minister Julia Gillard, the organisation was started by Ali and Dina Halkic, Allem’s parents. Alongside a small group of dedicated parents who had their own tragic losses, he worked hard to make sure no more young people were lost in this way.

“The mental health impacts of bullying can be devastating,” said Bully Zero’s current Program Facilitator, Louise Poulson.

“Because bullying is repeated and ongoing, the effects can accumulate very quickly. Common feelings the target may experience include fear, sadness, anger, embarrassment, worry and shame (or a combination of those) and can lead to serious mental health issues such as anxiety and depression”.

“Often bullying causes a plummet in self-worth, confidence, and self-esteem; and can have a serious negative impact on the way someone thinks and feels about themselves”.

Currently in Australia, 80 per cent of students say that bullying is a problem in their schools, according to stats from Bullying No Way and McCrindle.

Why young people aren’t speaking up

In Australia today, suicide is the leading cause of death among young people, and bullying is one of the major factors that can increase risk of such an occurrence.

According to those same stats, one in seven of the students who experience bullying don’t tell anyone what they’re going through — that’s 340,656 school kids staying silent.

So many young people in Australia are bullied, yet so many loving parents are blindsided when they discover their child has been suffering. Why? Because young people don’t always speak up.

According to Poulson and fellow Program Facilitator Katie Govic, that can be for various reasons, including:

• Feeling too embarrassed or ashamed to admit what is happening
• Not wanting their parents to worry
• Fear of retaliation
• Believing that adults won’t act or it’s not going to help
• Fear of being labelled a snitch
• In cases of cyber-bullying, young people may fear their parents won’t let them use the app anymore or will take their device off them – and they don’t want to be disconnected from their peers or lose any privileges
• They don’t know where to go for help.

80 per cent of students say bullying is a problem in their school. Picture: supplied.

How to tell if someone is being bullied

Unfortunately, it’s impossible to read someone’s mind no matter how much you love them.

There are some warning signs that Bully Zero recommends people should watch out for in their children and friends, as they could indicate that something more serious is going on. These include:

• Low self-esteem.
• Emotional and mood changes.
• Sleeping more often.
• Unexplained headaches and stomach aches.
• Appetite and/or weight changes.
• Substance abuse.
• Withdrawing from family, friends, and social situations.
• Refusing to go to school or creating excuses to stay at home.
• Hiding devices or being more secretive about who they are talking to online.
• Self-harm or thoughts of suicide.

One in seven students being bullied never tell anyone it's happening. Picture: supplied.

Where to go for help if you’re being bullied

If you’re experiencing bullying, and you don’t feel like you have a support network to turn to, there are always other options.

“If you are feeling uncomfortable, worried, sad, or unsure, it is important to talk to a trusted adult,” explained Poulson, “someone who you know will listen and try to help you.

“Sometimes young people are not comfortable talking to their parents, but it is important to know that it’s OK to seek help and support from other trusted adults — like teachers, relatives, an older brother or sister, your sports coach etc”

“However, if you do not wish to speak to someone that you know, contact Kids Helpline,” she continued.

“It’s a free service that provides private and confidential counselling service and guidance for young people aged five to 25. It operates 24 hours, seven days a week via phone, webchat, or email”.