Not Alone: Teen’s seemingly ‘perfect’ photo before his life changed

A young Aussie has revealed how his life changed after a decision saw him wheelchair bound, and why he wouldn’t change anything that happened.

When a 16-year-old Matt Caruana posted a shirtless picture of himself to Facebook he received mountains of likes and comments telling him how amazing he looked.

But behind the seemingly “perfect” facade, Matt was struggling and none of his friends and family had any idea.

A week after posting that picture in 2016 Matt attempted suicide – a decision that left him wheelchair bound.

Speaking to news.com.au, Matt, now 23, revealed he had struggled with mental health from a very young age.

Matt was just 12 when he first started experiencing suicidal thoughts.

He is now a youth mental health advocate and mental fitness facilitator.

When he was 12 he began questioning his purpose in life and if he played a “valuable part of society”.

“That is when the feelings of worthlessness began. It bothered me because my family, my friends, really everyone in my life, seemed to be smiling and I felt like I was the only one who was struggling,” he said.

Mental health and suicide are not easy subjects to talk about, but news.com.au wants you to know you’re Not Alone. News.com.au’s Not Alone will raise awareness about these issues and provide you with the resources needed to reach out for help.

Matt said he felt a lack of connection in his life, particularly to his parents, which led him to begin seeking that connection elsewhere.

At 13 years old, he started using drugs.

“My girlfriend at the time ended up helping me get out of my addiction. Then it was other things,” he said.

At the age of 14, Matt turned his attention to the gym, a hobby that quickly became an obsession.

“It got to the point where I was the biggest guy at school but I was obsessed for the wrong reasons because I got into it based on my insecurities,” he said.

“But everyone kept pumping up my tyres, so to speak, and playing on my ego.

“It got to the point where I looked, I don’t want to say perfect, but I dropped 20kg in four months all for this one photo I posted on Facebook and the whole world believed me.

“The world saw me as this ‘perfect guy’ who had his sh*t figured out, but a week after I posted that photo was when I attempted suicide.”

Matt posted this seemingly ‘perfect’ photo just a week before his suicide attempt.

Chance meeting with stranger that changed his life

Matt attempted suicide on January 9, 2016. He was found the following morning by a group of tradies in the parking lot of his local shopping centre in Sydney.

After spending two weeks in an induced coma, Matt woke up in hospital with a spinal cord injury.

“Nothing had really changed mentally or emotionally but where I was at physically was now a much worse position,” he said.

“I had looked the best I ever looked but now I couldn’t function or feel half of my body.”

Matt had to quickly adapt to his new situation and despite meeting regularly with psychologists and social workers, he felt his mental health continuing to decline.

When people asked Matt what had happened and why he was in a wheelchair, he always said he had an accident or a fall – that is until one bizarre encounter with a complete stranger on a train.

He was about three or four months into his hospital stay and Matt had been out with his mum to get some new piercings and they were on the train back to the hospital.

“This complete stranger comes on, this real bogan character, and before he even sits down he looks at me and says ‘What did you do to yourself? Jesus Christ’,” Matt recalled.

“It must have been a mixture of how I felt because I got these new piercings and how blunt he was, but I just told him I attempted suicide.

“And he started laughing at me and said ‘That was pretty f**king stupid wasn’t it?’ That guy was the first turning point in my life.”

Matt was in hospital for months following his spinal cord injury.

When Matt woke up the next morning he felt as if a weight had been lifted off his chest.

“For the first time I went and saw my social worker, I didn’t wait for her to chase me up and I shared with her what happened. It was so out of character for me because I would never talk about myself openly,” he said.

His social worker then suggested he try opening up to those close to him, a suggestion which Matt immediately shut down.

But that same afternoon his ex-girlfriend came to visit, and, for the first time, Matt was honest with her about how he had been feeling and the struggles he had endured.

“When I told her it’s like she knew this entire time and she just started crying. She looked at me and she said ‘Matt, that is the first time in the longest time that you have actually been a real with me. I’ve never felt so close to you and I’ve never loved you more,’” he said.

“Here I am in hospital. All my muscles have melted. A few months ago I looked the best I’ve ever looked. And she’s saying she’s never loved me more?

“It was such a big moment to me.”

This prompted Matt to start talking to more of his mates and, eventually, he opened up to the two people he felt most disconnect from: his parents.

He quickly realised that all these people in his life valued him just as much as he valued them.

‘I became the person I needed when I was 12’

At the end of 2016, Matt’s social worker asked him if he would be interested in going to some schools and sharing his story with the students.

In March 2017, he faced a room full of students and opened up about his journey with mental health.

Afterwards, was thinking what are they thinking of me, what I have I just done, why did I do that? I’m was shaking essentially,” Matt said.

“But afterwards these young people they came up to me and said ‘Matt, thank you, you have inspired me’. Some of them wanted to help their friends and check in with them as a result of hear me speak.

“In that moment I held it all back but when I was heading to the bus stop I just had a moment where I stopped and started bawling my eyes out. I was so emotional.”

Matt started sharing his story at high schools across Sydney.

Matt continued speaking at schools and those classrooms of 30 children soon turned into halls of 300 people.

It was one night after one of his talks when Matt came to a stunning realisation.

“I had realised that night that I had become the person that I needed when I was 12 years old. Maybe if someone had been real with me and addressed this when I was young then I wouldn’t have had to go through this,” he said.

After finishing school, Matt started to run workshops for both high schools and corporate offices.

“At first it was all about my story I then wanted to expand it. So now it is not just about my story, it is about the people that are there, what value I can bring them in terms of their mental health, their mental fitness, how can they become more mentally strong and build their own resilience to bounce back when times get rough,” he said.

“People want someone who is addressing mental health as it is and being real. Not just the doom and gloom but also showing us hope at the end of it and that they can overcome these struggles and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

“I am such a big believer that we can overcome these struggles, I have done it myself.”

Matt’s goal is to show young people who are struggling that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Despite everything he has been through, Matt said he wouldn’t change a single thing because it all got him to where he is now.

“If you would ask me, Matt, would you go back and change anything in your life, is there anything you regret? I would tell you honestly I would not change a thing, not even the wheelchair,” he said.

Matt was told he would never get any function or sensation back in his legs, but he is continuing to make progress with his trainers and believes one day he will no longer need his wheelchair.

“If it wasn’t for everything, I wouldn’t be the person that I am now,” he said.