Real Housewives of Sydney episode 7 recap: Caroline’s devastating call mid-episode

She was dressed to the nines and ready to party on Sydney Harbour – then this Real Housewives star received a call nobody wants.

This week on The Real Housewives of Sydney: Boats, boats and more boats. And one poor cast member receives the sort of phone call nobody wants to get while stuck in the middle of Sydney Harbour …

First, though, arch nemeses Victoria and Kate both go for a respective debrief with a friend after last week’s climactic blow-up (if you’ve missed the last 37 episodes, let me catch you up: Victoria like fur. Kate no like fur. KATE MAD).

Victoria licks her wounds after the fight by joining Krissy for cocktails on her luxury yacht:

Oh I see, Krissy’s RICH rich

Across town, Kate picks up Sally for their debrief … and drives her to a carpark, where they sit in her car for their in-depth D&M. I can’t help but feel Sally’s drawn the short end of the straw here:

Sally doing her best active listening face while wondering how long it would take to swim to Krissy’s yacht for a cocktail

Kate tells Sally that after so much back-and-forth with Victoria, she’s hereby declaring Fur-gate “over.” Screaming, crying, throwing up etc.

Over on Krissy’s yacht, Victoria says she’s looking forward to heading to Saint-Tropez for her 40th, where she plans to turn herself into an elegant slice of beef jerky by sunbaking “eight hours a day.” She’s exasperated when Krissy informs her that prolonged exposure to the sun isn’t really the done thing anymore.

“You can’t do anything anymore – I can’t sell fur, I can’t sunbake? I’ve got nothing in my life.” Victoria, your husband and two children say hello!

Next, Sally’s throwing a launch party for her wellness brand Swiish (sidenote – more health brands should be named after embarrassing Katy Perry singles), and what says wellness like a Sydney Harbour booze cruise?

This event has attracted the creme de la creme of Sydney’s high society – I’m talking Jack Vidgen:

Say “media wall” three times into a mirror and Jack Vidgen will magically appear

And, umm … Jack Vidgen:

Vidgen (left) doing what we all should if invited to be background talent at a RHOS event: Appearing in EVERY FRAME POSSIBLE

Caroline continues to run rings around everyone when it comes to OHF (Outlandish Housewife Fashion). Apparently she misread “wellness” on the invite and thought the dresscode was “well … nets? “:

Out here looking like Sexy Bycatch.

Krissy arrives at the party and rather pointedly says hi to everyone except Kate, who proves how totally unbothered she is by that snub by calling her a “f**king Big Bird in a bad dress” (behind her back, obvs).

Over on the other side of the boat, things are suddenly getting very real. Caroline’s in a corner weeping because she’s just received “the hardest phone call of her life.”

This is tough. It's only fun seeing Housewives cry when it's about party planning mishaps

She’s just been informed her mum has been taken to hospital with what has quickly been identified as stomach cancer. It’s a heartbreaking scene, and Caroline is clearly devastated as she’s comforted by Kate.

The others comfort Caroline and share their own stories of loss. It’s a sweet, sincere moment. Let’s not make a habit of it

Thankfully, the boat docks early so Caroline can rush to be by her mum’s side. As they wait, the group notes how much they’ve all been affected by cancer, losing parents, loved ones – and in Sally’s case, surviving cancer herself.

Post-boat, Kate and Sally meet up for another debrief, and I’m again wondering why they are constantly denied access to food, water or adequete shelter for their catch-ups. After their carpark convo earlier in the episode, now they’ve been demoted to a park bench:

Join us next week as Kate and Sally meet for an aspirational gossip sesh in a stormwater drain

Kate reiterates what she said earlier in the episode: “I don’t want to do Fur-gate anymore.” OK, but we’ve just gone from you “doing Fur-gate” to you talking about how you no longer want to do Fur-gate, so we are going to be needing a new storyline please doll.

Not about to let Sally be the only one flogging her products this episode, Krissy invites a few of the ladies to a cooking class to mark the release of her new cookbook.

God bless Kate, an utterly unenthused cook who’s clearly wondering at what point she can just scrape her attempt at a meal into the bin and order UberEats:

Crap cooks of the world unite!

After making their pasta, they all sit down to eat it – and right at that moment, Krissy gets a Deirdre-Chambers-What-A-Coincidence video call from Victoria on her European holiday. Krissy ushers the other girls over to say hi – special mention must be made of Kate’s absolute inability to pretend she doesn’t loathe Victoria, even via Facetime from the other side of the world:

Victoria interrupting her busy schedule of Saint-Tropez self-immolation to FaceTime the girls

Call over, they settle in for a nice boozy lunch. Kate’s trying to play nice, but as Krissy sips her savvy-b and regales the ladies with bawdy jokes about the size of her husband’s penis, Kate looks like she’s about to have a nosebleed. It seems clear that, much like Victoria, Kate’s just never going to get along with Krissy.

“Knock knock! Who’s there? My husband’s DICK”

*urge to feed Krissy Marsh through a pasta maker rising*

Finally this week, Caroline and Terry meet for lunch, where Caroline confirms that her mum’s cancer is stage 4 and she’s been given a prognosis just “six months to a year”. She’s heartbroken, but says she’s already been amazed by her mother’s pragmatic response to this life-altering news.

Terry has an idea that’ll help get Caroline’s mind off things: A group trip to Tokyo, that will play out in next week’s episode.

An opportunity to fight each other in a different timezone while indulging in the sort of questionable “cultural appreciation” not seen since Love Angel Music Baby-era Gwen Stefani? That’s so kawaii.

The Real Housewives of Sydney airs Tuesdays on Binge and Foxtel – and we’re recapping all the highlights each Tuesday at 1pm.

You can also listen to the official Real Housewives of Sydney podcast.