Real Housewives of Sydney episode 6 recap: ‘I’d rather swallow razorblades’

The feud at the centre of this season of Real Housewives of Sydney just got a whole lot uglier. Here’s our full recap.

Strap in, we’re about to dive into another week of The Real Housewives of Sydney – and another week of arch enemies Victoria and Kate arguing endlessly about fur.

But wait: It seems Victoria’s trying to change her fur-loving ways? As this episode opens, she’s telling her (equally fur-trimmed) mother that she’s decided to pivot her clothing business towards using cashmere instead. Minks worldwide can sleep a little easier tonight.

I have one question about Victoria’s mum: Are fur trimmed-collars genetic in this family?

Victoria relays this new development to Terry over drinks, and says she wants to invite Kate to the launch of her new cashmere collection. So she calls Kate, and puts her on speakerphone right there in the restaurant, presumably so everyone within earshot can listen in as Kate congratulates her for changing her ways.

Kate’s response to the invite? “I’d rather swallow razorblades than support a business that imports and sells fur coats. I don’t support torturing animals. I don’t-“

ABORT MISSION

"This went differently when I practised it in the mirror"

Victoria jumps in and cuts off the call right there. “OK thanks babes, good to catch up, going through a tunnel, chat later!!!”

So while Kate might be at home swallowing razorblades, Victoria’s still going full steam ahead with her launch party. She invites Nicole over to her Point Piper Fairy Princess Castle to help her apply the finishing touches before the event.

It looks like the inside of Barbra Eden’s bottle on I Dream of Jeannie

Victoria’s thought of everything: Tequila shots on entry, a caviar station and an increasingly nervous-looking cater-waiter for Krissy Marsh to hit on.

Then it’s time for Victoria to make her speech – and bizarrely, it’s all about the one woman not in attendance. Kate’s utter loathing for Victoria will be commemorated with an item in her new collection: “The Kate Coat.”

If you thought it was a little iffy naming a coat after someone so horrified by your brand they refuse to even come to your launch party, you’re not alone.

“A minute ago you were having an intense fight about fur – now, the blink of an eye later, and you’ve changed your entire business model?” asks Sally.

Perhaps anticipating the scrutiny, Victoria quickly distracts the ladies with a very special performance from her favourite singer: Herself.

Excellent way to make everyone leave your party when you’re ready for bed

As an acoustic guitarist strums along, Victoria goes full Mariah, gesturing wildly as she aims for high notes that remain just out of reach.

“It was … a lot,” notes Caroline, as the other Housewives listen on politely.

Thank god for those tequila shots on entry hey

The next day, Caroline and Sally go for lunch with Kate to fill her in on what she missed at the party. At first, Kate’s happy to hear about Victoria moving away from fur, but after pondering for a moment, she decides to settle on a new reaction: Sour suspicioun.

“I think there’s an element here of trying to paint me as the villain: ‘Oh, she’s attacking me, and I’m trying so hard …’” she says.

Yassified Oscar the Grouch and Grover

Before the episode’s climatic fight, we check in again with Nicole, giving near-adult daughter Nawal another lesson in self-sufficiency before she leaves home to study in the US. After her previous exhaustive workshops on How to Put On A Wash and How To Sew a Button, this week it’s How To Cut An Onion:

Next week: Nawal washes a spoon under the tap, well done Nawal

We end this episode with an attempt at a peace meeting between Victoria and Kate. Sensing it’ll be fraught, they’ve each brought their own Emotional Support Housewife.

Victoria has Krissy in tow, while Kate - making a statement dressed in her veterinarian scrubs - arrives with Caroline.

Kate sits down and fires off an opening shot across the table, pointedly thanking Victoria for not wearing fur... for once.

Krissy thought she’d at least be able to order a starter before it all kicked off

“I’m not sure what to say, that was a very inflammatory comment in itself,” says Victoria, clearly taken aback.

Kate’s not giving Victoria an inch. Trying to play mediator, Caroline notes that Victoria’s stopped selling fur – Kate’s response? A deeply sarcastic “Huzzah for the animals.”

Kate says she’d “love to believe” that Victoria’s a “reformed Cruella”, but it’s all happened a bit too quickly for her to buy it as genuine.

Krissy’s not having the name calling: “Oh, that’s so nasty Kate. That’s really nasty, darling.”

Less Dr Dolittle, more Dr Do Less

Kate gives some brutal advice to her two biggest adversaries this season before the lunch comes to a hasty end.

To Victoria: “Be the person I wanted you to be, and don’t f**king disappoint me.”

And to Krissy: “Shut up! Just … shut up.”

The Real Housewives of Sydney airs Tuesdays on Binge and Foxtel – and we’re recapping all the highlights each Tuesday at 1pm.

You can also listen to the official Real Housewives of Sydney podcast.