James Weir recaps Farmer Wants A Wife 2023 episode 4

Two grown women engage in a petty public fight on Farmer Wants A Wife. James Weir recaps the dramatic scenes that are usually only seen at a CWA meeting.

A chat thief is on the loose on Farmer Wants A Wife.

Two adult women blow the roof off the barn on Sunday’s episode of Farmer Wants A Wife when their volatile feud gets more foul than the week-old slop that’s rotting away in the paddock’s feeding troughs.

There’s name-calling and accusations. It’s the kinda stuff that ruins reputations.

We expect this kind of behaviour at the CWA’s scone competition, but not here.

JAMES WEIR RECAPS:Read all the recaps here

Tension is still simmering between Maddison and Lucie after last night’s squabble at the dinner table and news of a “country ball” only exacerbates the feud as the fight to be Cinderella gets underway. Little do these two ladies know, they’re both behaving like evil stepsisters.

“There was a bitta tension at our farm. I just called someone out for what it was – ‘cause she’s pretending to be, like, this big housewife,” Lucie bitches to some of the other ladies as they all kick back with some pregame beveraginos at the bowlo.

Across the green, Maddison’s doing the exact same thing.

“Yeah, Lucie and I don’t get along,” she tells the others.

It’s the kind of trash talk the bowlo was made for.

At the ball, it’s the best of the best. The XXXX beer is icy cold and there’s a sumptuous selection of room temperature meats from the local IGA deli. A John Williamson CD blares and at first we think maybe there’s a problem with the speaker but then we realise that’s just his voice.

Farmer Andrew’s ladies huddle around a barrel. There’s a solo date up for grabs and they want it more than Farmer Andrew wants a storm to break the drought.

Lucie hatches a plan to stand out from the crowd. It’s revolutionary. Maybe even a little risky. She tells the girls she’s going to pull Andrew away for a chat. It’s a tactic that might just be crazy enough to work.

But Lucie’s genius scheme is thwarted by her nemesis. Maddison steals the idea and swoops in first – requesting her own chat.

“Do you mind if I borrow you for a minute? Is that alright?” Maddison asks Andrew, as if she was the one who invented the concept of chatting.

The brazen swoop in.

Lucie’s jaw drops. “That’s bullsh*t. That’s not fair – I asked first,” she whines to the other girls.

“I know babe,” they try to placate her. But it’s not enough for Lucie.

“No! I’m not happy!” she whinges, like a stroppy child whose annoying sibling just stole the front passenger seat even though she called it first. She looks around the barn for someone to dob to before jumping off her bar stool and storming out. “That’s not fair! I just wanna go, I’m done!”

We find her sulking behind a bush in the dark garden.

“That’s not fair, I asked first!” she wails to no one in particular. “I think Maddison is a snake, she’s rude, she’s a bitch, and I’m done.”

They really need one of those motion sensor floodlights out here.

Meanwhile, across the paddock, Maddison is loving life while chatting to Farmer Andrew. Stealing Lucie’s chat is the best idea she has ever had. She doesn’t regret a goddamn thing.

“I don’t think people who are horrible the way she is get very far in life. Karma’s a bitch,” Maddison says about Lucie, bitchily.

Chatty chat chat.

But when she returns to the ladies at the barrel, there’s a stink in the air.

“Good chat? Didn’t wanna let Lucie go first? Thought you’d jump in there …? Well played, Maddie,” Claire scolds Maddison, who rolls her eyes and looks away. “You got nothing to say?”

“No, I’ve got nothing to say to you,” Maddison snips.

The groans of John Williamson fill the silence.

Claire, don’t provoke her – she’ll probably steal your chat, too.

Lucie is still out in the garden wailing about having her chat stolen. “I asked first, I said I was going to!” Then she lodges an official complaint to a junior producer in a hoodie. “I asked first! Straight away! And she STILL gets to go first. That’s not fair! THAT IS NOT FAIR.”

Raise the alarm: a chat thief is on the loose.

She’s so worked up about it that, when she finally returns to the barn to have her chat with Farmer Andrew, she wastes the opportunity by ranting about that chat thief Maddison again.

“I’ve still got issues with what happened earlier,” she fumes to him. “And I think I’m fair to say that. And I can say that in front of you – like, I’m pretty annoyed that I asked you for a chat first … and then she cut in because I’d never do that, that’s dishonest. For me, I feel like if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t have done that. But it’s all good now.”

… Is it good now?

Farmer Andrew’s reallllly enjoying this chat.

Of course, neither Lucie nor Maddison score the single date. That honour goes to some chick called Jessie, who didn’t say a single word all night.

Lucie kicks up another stink.

“I’m really annoyed,” she wells up again. “I came to fall in love with Andrew and I’m not being given that chance.”

Reminder: You’re all, like, 40.

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