Deadline: Melbourne’s best crime buzz of 2021
Thought the sealed section of a 2000s magazine was juicy? It’s got nothing on the sordid gossip making its way through Melbourne’s crime circles.
Police & Courts
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Melbourne’s colourful identities kept the Herald Sun deadline writers busy this year, offering plenty of content for their weekly column on the latest crime buzz.
From some very lucky horses to poorly thought out social media posts, this is the best of Deadline from 2021.
For the gossip (almost) too hot to print, scroll down for the special sealed section.
February
FRIENDS FALL OUT
Owners of the racehorse Institution were ordered to pay back $3000 long after it ran sixth at Flemington in November 2016 because it was trained by disgraced Aquanita trainer Robert Smerdon, later outed for illicitly dosing horses with “bi-carb” on race day.
Racing Victoria’s chief steward Robert Cram made the demand to the then general manager of Ultra Thoroughbreds, one Anthony Swords, whose boss was UltraTune tycoon and plastic-surgery buff Sean Buckley.
Swords, well known as Mick Gatto’s helper in mediation matters, has since quit Ultra and is no longer friends with Buckley, who is back in the news over a lurid dispute with an ex-lover.
Swords has gone from telling racing authorities they could whistle for their $3000 to barracking against Buckley.
Proof that while time doesn’t heal all wounds, it wounds all heels.
As for Institution, the horse has just won two straight in Far North Queensland after a long run of outs.
THE BUCKLEY SERIAL (CONTINUED)
Mr Raikkonen, son of former world champion sprinter Miss Andretti, ran seventh at Sandown last week. As a racer he is more go-kart than Ferrari, much like the great mare’s other failed foals, each named after a F1 racing car hero.
Miss Andretti, of course, is up to her hocks in the current brouhaha over horses bred by Sean “Waxworks” Buckley’s Ultra Thoroughbreds. So is Strikeline, mother of current champion sprinter Nature Strip. Mr Buckley, often described as “UltraTune bigwig”, has a few problems. Apart from running his diverse business empire, he has to field complaints and claims not only from disgruntled lovers/partners/wives but former employees.
Racing stewards and the Australian Stud Book are sniffing around scurrilous allegations that Mr Raikkonen and his siblings might be the equine equivalent of test tube babies, transferred from curette to petri dish to surrogate mother as tiny embryos — a technique that is wonderful IVF science but, sadly, against the staid rules of thoroughbred racing.
So what does it matter if someone does a bit of slick test tube meets turkey baster work back on the farm? Truth is, if you breed them for racing, it’s like cheating at golf: whether you think the rules are silly or not, they are the rules.
Sean Buckley says the two Addictive Nature foals were just practice runs, bred artificially to help tune up the old mares’ reproductive cycles. As such, the foals are what he calls “polo ponies” and can never be registered to race.
Meanwhile, Ultra Thoroughbreds has managed to sell three yearlings out of six it originally offered at the record-breaking Melbourne Premier Yearling sales over the past three days.
Two were withdrawn, one sold after failing to meet the reserve and another is presumably still available for anyone who wants to make an offer.
The two that were sold in the ring, both sired by Mr Buckley’s Cox Plate winner Shamus Award, went to loyal trainers who prepare horses for Ultra. The Danny O’Brien stable bid a nice round $200,000 for one colt and Lloyd Kennewell $150,000 for another, which supports Shamus Award’s yearling prices nicely, thanks very much.
It is a racecourse certainty that both will race in Ultra’s distinctive green, black and white colours.
June
A HUNK OF TROUBLE
Hasan “Hunky” Topal’s departure to the northern hemisphere has been described as “long-term”, which is code for “as long as the money lasts.”
But things could get a bit tricky for the model-turned-Comanchero if he has to come back to Melbourne from Greece or Turkey or wherever he is.
It will be standing room only at the Tullamarine arrivals lounge when all the interested parties gather.
For a start, there will be two homicide squad crews, fascinated by what the smouldering Topal knows about the separate mistaken identity killings of Muhammed Yucel and Zabi Ezedyar in 2017.
But the cops might be jostling for space with some gangland types, including the intended targets of those tragically bungled hits, who happen to be Mongols.
Then there is the Comanchero club mate wounded in a 2017 shooting — and a couple of Bandidos shot on top of the Bolte Bridge around the same period.
The folks at a Richmond luxury car hire firm won’t be sending a limousine for Topal.
They’ll be happy if he doesn’t come back at all.
Around the same time as the spate of shootings, he stormed the car business and attacked a worker, fracturing an eye socket, in a dispute over a $20,000 deposit.
The Burnley St property was later peppered with gunshots police say were fired by the same gun used in the Ezedyar murder, the Comanchero shooting and the Bandido ambush.
The Harley-riding fraternity must be wondering if Hunky Topal knows more about hairspray than hit men.
July
THE CONTROVERSIAL CHURCHGOER
Controversial former federal MP Peter Slipper donned religious garb in a shock appearance at a Melbourne church.
Mr Slipper, the ex-Speaker of the House of Representatives, was an unusual guest at a parish in the city’s northwest that has been plagued by internal ructions in recent times.
The Queensland-based parliamentarian-turned-barrister lobbed at an Easter midnight mass service at the St Paraskevi Greek Orthodox Church in St Albans, which is split on issues including the future of parish priest Irinaos Koikas.
Mr Slipper, 71, has some clerical background.
He was in 2017 ordained as Bishop of Australia by the Brazilian Catholic Apostolic Church.
Word from some inside St Paraskevi is that Mr Slipper, who is a barrister, has been representing Fr Koikas amid moves to have him removed from the position.
Mr Slipper declined to elaborate on his involvement when contacted by gun Herald Sun political scribe Kieran Rooney.
But the gratitude of Fr Koikas was clear in a post on the church’s Facebook site, accompanying photos of Mr Slipper’s appearance at midnight mass.
“I would like to make special mention of my dear friend, the Hon Peter Slipper, former Speaker of the House of Representatives of Australia and Bishop of the Brazilian Apostolic church in Australia who came and attended our Resurrection service all the way from the Sunshine Coast. I thank him for his attendance and his personal friendship for some time now. As well as his duties as Bishop, he is also a much respected barrister in Queensland and Hobart,” he said.
Internal friction led to the resignation in May of church community president Georgina Papafotiou.
Ms Papafotiou, a former Brimbank Council Mayor, declined to comment on the parish issues.
August
A SOCIAL SHOOTING
Disrespecting women can have serious consequences in these enlightened times.
Social media has proved a formidable weapon against blokes who can’t mind their manners.
But up in Melbourne’s northern suburbs, such feedback can sometimes come from the barrel of a gun.
One fellow might be keeping his crude comments to himself after some heavy artillery redecorated the front of his business recently.
SADDLE-SORE
It’s unlikely we’ll ever get to the point where criminals can self-regulate their industry.
But occasionally, a story emerges that shows how justice can be dispensed from within outlaw ranks.
Some time back, a young bikie prospect on a run in country Victoria stole some power tools.
Before the crime had even been reported, more senior members of the gang got wind of what had happened and decided to deal with it in-house.
His punishment was harsh but innovative.
After returning the goods to their rightful owner, he was ordered to ride his bike to the Darwin chapter.
His instructions were to say hello then return directly to Victoria, a round trip of about 7500km.
DON’T SNORT THE GREEN SNOW
Which group of school mums has switched from a usual winter activity of hitting the white powder on the slopes to something closer to home, also involving powder?
The mail is that their all-night, midweek sessions are becoming a strain for well-to-do neighbours.
Which means trouble is looming for these yummy mummy snow bunnies.
But the Range Rover set of Melbourne’s opulent inner east aren’t the only ones who think lockdown laws are for other people.
In another social set entirely, covert-Covid shindigs are creeping across the suburbs.
They might not be skiing, but the Ranger Rover set is still hitting the white powder.
Among the festive few getting on the beers is a former cop who has been sneaking in guests through a secret entry, the same route that over-refreshed guests use to exit the scene some hours later.
Lockdown also apparently doesn’t apply to some others in the northern suburbs.
One particular neighbourhood is leading the field in late-night antics.
This host, with no shortage of partakers, has had to do multiple supply runs that take him well outside the exclusion zone.
HOLD MY NOSE BEER
The cocaine-loving Range Rover mums of Melbourne’s leafy inner-east have some competition in the Debauchery Stakes.
After last week’s item on their antics, Deadline was told of a shindig a while back involving mothers with kids at a Catholic primary school in the northern suburbs.
Ladies didn’t need to bring a plate but some rustled up bags and were soon hoovering powder off a fence railing.
An enthusiastic show of affection followed between two of the visitors.
DON’T CRUSH CHOPPER’S PRIDE
It is 21 years this month since Chopper the film was released to critical acclaim in New York and some unacclaimed criticism in New Norfolk, Tasmania.
The film launched the career of director Andrew Dominik. The producer who pulled the project together, Michele Bennett, is one of the quiet achievers behind the brilliant crime drama series Mr Inbetween, which forensic experts believe bears traces of Chopper DNA.
Most of all, the film was a ticket to Hollywood fame and fortune for much-loved comedian “Poida”, St Kilda supporter and out-and-proud petrol head Eric Bana.
It’s true that Read was always keen for Bana to play “Chopper” — even when the crew who made Romper Stomper had been touting a brash young Kiwi called Russell Crowe if they got to make the film.
When Bana went to Tasmania to study the man with no ears, it all worked out. Read always reckoned Bana played the part better than Chopper played himself, using the mannerisms he picked up after they had a few beers together.
It comes to pass that Bana now has a chance to toss a favour in the other direction. He might recall that the real-life Chopper had a V8 Holden Statesman, black in colour. The car stayed in Tassie when Chopper returned to Collingwood with (he said afterwards) the clothes on his back and not much else.
A friend of the family kept the black beast going all these years but made the understandable mistake of handing it over to Chopper’s son Charlie a few months ago.
Charlie’s mum Mary-Ann Read warned him about driving like a hoon but he wrapped the Statesman around an immovable object within days.
The front end is now more bashed around than the original owner’s head was. The car is now in the long-suffering Mary-Ann’s backyard and she is not happy.
Charlie is being held in remand on various (unrelated) charges and will be in no position to fix the car for a while.
Meanwhile, his mum wants the wounded Statesman to go to a good home to be restored, saving it from the wreckers.
If any car fancier out there took a shine to Chopper’s Statesman, it would be good. But if that car fancier were Eric Bana, it would be some sort of karma.
TRAINERS OUT THE GATE
Call it the Mokbel curse. Trainer Amber Hendry has moved on from the ultra-special horse stud and pre-training property near Kilmore that the family of Tony “the Wig” Mokbel once owned, along with the Red Lion hotel in the town.
Bemused locals are fascinated by the comings and goings at the place, which the controversial automotive tycoon Sean “UltraTune” Buckley took on after Mokbel literally sailed into the sunset.
It seems that Buckley can be an ultra-demanding boss who wants things done his way. That might explain why he has fallen foul of Victorian racing authorities, who have banned any Buckley-linked horses from racing here pending an inquiry into the bona fides of his breeding program: that is, whether registered thoroughbreds have been bred using artificial insemination in contravention of Australian Stud Book rules.
Since Hendry’s exit last week, the place seems to be managed by a robust old-timer once regarded as colourful in his own right. He’s calling the shots with the expert assistance of veterinarian Adam Matthews, who has had a few troubles with the authorities, too, but is a dab hand at treating horses.
In 2015, Doc Matthews was named as being suspected of being the “Stephen Dank” of the Australian equine scene, a reference to the sports scientist behind the Essendon Football Club supplements injection saga. This was after Matthews was accused of supplying supplements that he insists were legal but which were later the subject of doping inquiries, notably over alleged use of cobalt.
All this is of interest to others in the horse game. So much so that another controversial figure, one-time Caulfield Cup winning jock Brent Stanley, has been tiptoed out the gate of a plush training property at Sutton Grange, south of Bendigo.
Stanley is the latest in a conga line of trainers who have not found happiness and prosperity at the showpiece Sutton Grange place, which has vineyards, as well as training tracks, yards and stabling. He was banned from training for nine months in 2016 over pocketing a stonking secret commission from the sale of a horse to Hong Kong buyers.
Word at the track is that Stanley’s promise to bring in a bunch of young horses sealed his fate and headed him out the gate. Why? Because they are Sean Buckley’s horses. And canny landlords are ultra-careful about horse owners already banned from racing in Victoria. They are funny like that.
October
DOG BITES MANHOOD
Victoria has tough laws to punish those who ram police vehicles.
But why wait around for the justice system to get square when a police dog can mete out stiff punishment in a jiffy?
One alleged ram raider has a very sore and unsightly penis after one of the force’s hounds latched on to his member last week.
The 42-year-old from no fixed address was chased after he drove away from a St Albans address last week.
After ramming two cars, he was dragged out of his own vehicle by police but didn’t want to go quietly.
A police dog got involved at that point, sinking its jaws in just where they weren’t wanted, inflicting injuries described as “not life-threatening”.
Investigators from eastern crime squad added insult to injury by raiding a Ravenhall property where they found 340 cannabis plants that looked a lot healthier than their owner’s appendage.
The unfortunate bloke continues something of a tradition of offenders finding out being a bad boy can be bad news for their groin region.
In 2015, notorious crime family figure Omar Chaouk blasted his own testicle when his gun accidentally discharged as sat in a car at Caroline Springs.
He had been reaching for a cigarette when he found smoking isn’t the only thing that can damage a man’s health.
Middle Eastern organised crime identity Omar Tiba is said to have lost part of his penis in 2017 when four armed men took him by surprise in the car park at Campbellfield Plaza.
He survived the drama and later wounded the man he suspected of organising the attack.
THE APOLOGY TO TOBY MITCHELL
It’s probably best to count to 10 before going on social media about a bloke like Toby Mitchell, lest there be another kind of 10-count.
During the volatile period of the CFMEU-vax-lockdown-right-winger protests a few weekends ago, one chap made some online comments about Mitchell which he appears to have later regretted.
It’s unclear exactly what was said but Mitchell last week posted a clarification from the fellow on his Instagram page, tagging in fellow Mongol notables including Sam “The Punisher” Abdulrahim.
The short video from the original poster said he had been told stories by old mates related to biffo at the CFMEU rallies, which had led to intemperate comments.
The address to camera said the whole scenario had been “squashed” by Mitchell and he had apologised.
“We need all you guys to relax and stop talking shit because you’re going to make a problem a really big problem. The bloke wasn’t there. That’s his word. What was said wasn’t warranted.”
Wise words, indeed.
SPECIAL SEALED SECTION
February
ROMEO & JULES
Love grows in the most unlikely places.
The Capulets and Montagues and Hatfields v McCoys have a lot in common with two rival underworld families in the northern suburbs.
Eyebrows have been raised and muscles flexed but family opposition hasn’t stopped the union of a Romeo from one side with a Juliet from the other.
Senior members of each clan have in the past exchanged very little affection and several bullets.
A LURID LIMERICK
There is a jihadist who teaches a hard line against all forms of sex outside the Koran’s strict prohibitions.
Which is surprising, given how often surveillance police have seen him soliciting the services of sex workers.
Deadline thought this should be the start of a limerick writing competition, but twitchy lawyers did not agree.
One Deadline contributor knocked up a sample entry on the back of a beer coaster which began with the words:
There’s a Muslim hardliner called Tony …
(Whoever finishes it best wins the beer coaster).
ROBERTA AND CARL
An amateur sleuth with an eye for detail has come up with the following fun fact: Roberta Williams, then the everloving wife of Carl Williams, gave birth to her daughter Dhakota 268 days after the night Mark Moran was shot dead in Aberfeldie on June 15, 2000. Which, the sleuth notes, is exactly the average gestation time for human beings.
The sleuth’s question, relayed to Deadline verbatim, is this: “Did Roberta and Carl do the hanky panky on the night Mark was shot?”
Roberta, if you’re reading this, could you just text Y or N?
March
BAD FOR BUSINESS
The proprietor (or perhaps “the receptionist”) at an inner western massage parlour surprised a local family queuing for coffee nearby to move along because happy family groups are not good for business. The last thing she wants is to give her address a good name.
PIG PIC
The small but strongly made pig-shooting enthusiast who briefly tried solo photography seems to have survived sending a “dick pic” to a young woman in stable employment. It seems the shooter is home and hosed after narrowly avoiding a nasty fall. Perhaps his target has scored a windfall.
CHURCHLY AFFAIR
They’re a business family whose name is everywhere and also big churchgoers. So Deadline was surprised to learn that two of their number, a married couple, are big players on the swinging scene. They use assumed names and photos that would never pass muster in God’s house.
June
LEARNING EXPERIENCE
They’re consenting adults, so we don’t want to be too harsh, but surely two teachers can find a better place to get it on than at school.
It was certainly a learning experience for the colleague who recently found the pair going hammer and tongs on a piano in the music room. The visitor beat a retreat as the band played on.
ROOKIE ERROR
Deputy Commissioner Rick Nugent was doing an impromptu media conference about lockdown enforcement when people started to smile and giggle. It’s not that he was telling jokes.
The watchers had noticed he was standing in front of the “Ji Li Golden Hands” brothel. The sort of rookie error that politicians learn to dodge early in their careers.
July
CAUGHT ON CAMERA
He’s one of Australia’s bigger sporting figures. He’s an action man known for late-night stress management. He knows how to entertain. And judging from the photograph doing the rounds, it seems three scantily-clad women do, too.
September
ACTING ON IMPULSE
It’s amazing what people will do while allowing themselves to be filmed.
Rumour has it that a gangland figure is prominent in some extremely racy home video currently in circulation.
Footage is said to involve multiple co-stars and a deodorant can.
Toothpaste, frozen prawns hot ticket items for supermarket thieves
Thieves are making off with shopping trolley loads of items and selling the goods to tobacconists and convenience stores – with demand high for Sensodyne toothpaste and bags of frozen prawns.
Ex-AFL star’s wife makes impassioned plea from Bali jail after sex raids scandal
The estranged wife of former Bomber Ricky Olarenshaw has made a desperate plea from a Bali prison, claiming she has been exploited by her husband and his Australian business partners.