Deadline: Karma’s a bitch with a mouthful of teeth

A Melbourne police dog has dished out the kind of justice no cop, judge or jury can come close to. Andrew Rule and Mark Buttler with the latest crime buzz.

The police dog dispensed some ruff justice.

Melbourne’s top crime writers Andrew Rule and Mark Buttler with their weekly dose of scallywag scuttlebutt.

DOG BITES MANHOOD

Victoria has tough laws to punish those who ram police vehicles. But why wait around for the justice system to creak into action when a police dog can mete out stiff punishment in split seconds?

One alleged ram-raider has a sorely punctured penis after a police dog latched on to his member last week.

The 42-year-old, of no fixed address, was chased after he drove away from a St Albans address.

Omar Chaouk blew off part of his testicle in 2015.

After ramming two cars, he was dragged out of his vehicle but didn’t want to go quietly.

At that point, the dog took over, sinking its jaws into the driver’s crotch area, inflicting injuries described as “not life-threatening” but nevertheless of great concern to the offender.

Investigators from eastern crime squad added insult to injury by raiding a Ravenhall property where they found 340 cannabis plants that looked a lot healthier than the appendage of their alleged owner.

The injured party continues something of a tradition of offenders discovering that bad behaviour can be bad news for the groin.

In 2015, notorious crime family figure Omar Chaouk shot off part of one testicle when his gun discharged as he sat in a car at Caroline Springs.

He had been reaching for a cigarette when he accidentally triggered the weapon. More proof that smoking can damage a man’s health in more ways than one.

Middle-Eastern organised crime identity Omar Tiba is said to have lost part of his penis in 2017 when four armed men took him by surprise in the car park at Campbellfield Plaza.

He survived the drama and later wounded the man he suspected of organising the attack.

TOBY THE DONOR

Everyone has a favourite charity and the hard men like to show their caring, sharing side with kids and animals.

Cat fancier and penthouse dweller Toby Mitchell started the week as close to the top donor to the Polished Man cause.

That’s the one where supporters paint one fingernail bright blue to signal that they’re against violence against children and for motherhood and apple pie.

Polished Man is apparently a cause close to biker boss Mitchell’s heart, as he has channelled more than $2000 the charity’s way.

Mongols president Toby Mitchell is supporting the Polished Man charity. Picture: NCA NewsWire

It seems people who see him as a role model have been inspired to chuck money in the hat. One anonymous mate has thrown in a grand.

It seems his example has encouraged other interesting people to collect donations and bung them in. Clubhouse leader at the time of writing is one William Peeters (with $11,980) whose list of financial supporters includes a member of the Quadara family, a surname well-known in fruit and vegetable circles.

Toby Mitchell, of course, is extremely fond of animals. And not just the exotic cats that share his apartment high above Southbank with other penthouse pets.

On the Polished Man site is a signature picture of Toby kissing a small pup. His dad was a greyhound trainer but this pup looks more the bull terrier type.

The moral of the story: if you see a heavily-tattooed man with bullet scars and a fingernail painted blue, don’t laugh at his fashion choices — unless, perhaps, you are under the age of 12 and protected from violence.

THE GHOST IN COURT TWO

Melbourne has plenty of historic sites that are reputedly haunted.

The Princess Theatre, the Old Melbourne Gaol and the Port of Williamstown are all said to be home for a range of spirits.

The Princess, of course, was where the English actor known by the fake Italian name “Mr Federici” died of a heart attack on stage while playing Satan in 1887.

The theatre luvvies, a superstitious lot, still leave a seat vacant in the dress circle on every opening night for the handsome ghost in the evening suit that some people say can be seen hanging around.

Colin Campbell Ross was hanged for a crime he didn’t commit.

The Old Melbourne Gaol has plenty of lives with tragic ends for ghosts to choose from, from Ned Kelly through to Colin Campbell Ross, hanged in 1922 after being scandalously framed by bent police for the notorious murder of schoolgirl Alma Tirtchke.

But not much is said about the ghost reputed to haunt the Supreme Court of Victoria on the other side of the city.

After close investigation, Deadline is in a position to narrow down the alleged ghost’s activities to Court Two.

Sceptics can sneer but they don’t have to clean the courts after hours, when strange things have been known to happen. Allegedly.

A few of those who have worked in the spooky old building take the matter very seriously, indeed.

Some cleaners have even refused to clean Court Two because of its reputation.

One of them told others of having been touched on the shoulder and turning to find no one there.

Court Two, as it happens, has direct access to the court cells, which adds to speculation of supernatural activity.

Having cells attached means it is a court which has been used to try those accused of the most violent crimes.

The odd one of these, such as Colin Campbell Ross, might have good reason to come back and haunt a few people.

The Supreme Court of Victoria. Picture: David Crosling

JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED

Ghosts are not the only repugnant entities in the court precinct. Details have emerged of other unwelcome intruders in the halls of justice.

It is alleged by unamused court staff that drunken reporters found their way into one of the Supreme Court hearing rooms after hours.

One particularly intoxicated scribe, booze in hand, took the seat of a prominent judge and began loudly handing down verdicts on all manner of things to an audience of over-refreshed news gatherers.

On the night, it seemed the height of good humour. But when word filtered through to court officials, the accused parties were informed of their failure to meet the system’s lofty standards.

Judge Grog, the ringleader, has since left the media bench and is now trying to redeem himself in another field. He is a work in progress.

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SIGNALLING SETKA SECRETS

Sshh. Don’t tell anyone, but CFMEU strongman John Setka is using the encrypted phone app, Signal.

Deadline knows this because one of our contacts was on the Al Capone the other day when onto the screen flashed the message “John Setka is on Signal.”

It’s a strange promotional gimmick for a service that promotes covert communications … the app so many people use for their secret squirrel business also announces to all of their contacts that they’re on it. Go figure.