What Victorian parents really think about raising children

IS SMACKING your child an appropriate form of punishment? Should kids own a mobile phone at 12? Sunday Herald Sun readers took part in our Parent’s Survey — and the results will surprise you.

VICTORIAN families have had their say and the majority believe it is OK for parents to smack their children and teenagers should only be allowed to date after their 16th birthday.

An exclusive Sunday Herald Sun survey has revealed just what parents think when it comes to some of the tough decisions families’ face, from eating takeaway to teenagers wearing makeup.

Of the 719 families surveyed 66 per cent said parents should be allowed to smack their children.

But it’s an activity experts frown upon.

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Parent Expert and Director of Parenting Ideas, Michael Grose said parental discipline should reflect society’s values.

“If we don’t accept smacking from child care centres or in schools, then parents should follow suit,” he said.

While the survey revealed parents found life as a mum or dad like a rollercoaster, most said they just strapped themselves in and tried to do the best they can.

Mr Grose said while parenting had its ups and downs, the good times generally outweigh the bad.

Tom and Loretta Zagon with their daughter Beatrice, 10, at home in Kew. Picture: Ian Currie.

“Parenting is a journey and the journey will provide you with easier times, enjoyable times and challenges, that’s the nature of development.”

Respondents ranked finding time to be together as a family a bigger issue than stranger danger and bullying, the modern child’s obsession with screen was a growing concern for most parents.

And those sporting activities can add up, with 51 per cent of parents saying they would spend more than $1200 a year on children’s sport.

Childcare was also a huge cash drain on family finances, with 10 per cent of families spending up to $500 a week on childcare

Tom and Loretta Zagon, parents of 10-year-old Beatrice, spend $500 a term on extra-curricular activities for their daughter.

Like majority of other kids her age, Beatrice does a wide range of activities, including choir, swimming, netball and karate.

“She just loves it … I think it has been worth it,” Mrs Zagon said.

She said smacking was part of the disciplinary process.

“Whether it’s time-out in the laundry, or whether it is a small clip across the bottom — but nothing more than that, I’m against anything more than that.”

The Luvara family from Gladstone Park, who took part in the survey, said the biggest issue facing their clan was finding time to spend together.

Chantal and Adrian, parents of Isabella, 4 and Gabriella, 2, said family time was a priority but was difficult to schedule into their busy lives.

We want to raise our daughters to know they can be beautiful in their own skin and that they don’t need makeup but when they decide to start wearing it that will be OK with us.

“Every night we eat dinner at the table together — it’s very important to be able to have a chat about the day and teach the girls manners and etiquette,” Mrs Luvara said.

They agreed parents should have the right to choose whether or not they smack their children.

“My husband and I both got smacked when we were growing up and it wasn’t an issue,” Mrs Luvara said.

“I personally don’t think it works but you try everything — the naughty corner, time out, rewards — nothing works because it’s the kids not being able to express themselves emotionally.

“I do believe parents should have the right to choose.”

The parents admitted they are a little nervous for when their daughter reach their teen years and some of the challenges they will face including dating and makeup.

“I answered 15 to ‘what age should kids have a girlfriend/boyfriend’ — but I’m sure my husband disagrees,” Mrs Luvara said.

“The age girls wear makeup seems to be getting younger and younger.”

“We want to raise our daughters to know they can be beautiful in their own skin and that they don’t need makeup but when they decide to start wearing it that will be OK with us.”

Chantal and Adriano Luvara are a little nervous for when their two daughters, Gabriella, 2 and Isabella, 4, hit their teen years.

HOW YOUNG IS TOO YOUNG TO OWN A MOBILE

IN A technological world where kids are glued to screens from a young age, parents can find it hard to navigate age appropriate devices.

The Sunday Herald Sun’s survey asked Victorian families what age they thought kids should be allowed a mobile phone. The most common response was 13-years-old. But experts warn that social media and the digital world are not a “child’s playground” and adults must supervise online.

Those more critical of the digital era, five per cent of respondents, said teenagers should wait until they are 17 or 18-years-old before receiving a phone.

Parents Glenn and Shona Henry said they gave their teenage sons, Thomas (17) and Matthew (15) mobile phones when they started high school at 13 years-of-age.

They believe waiting until kids reach secondary school, is generally the best way to go.

“I think if possible try to hold off giving them one,” Mr Henry said.

“My eldest is on it all the time.”

Cyber Safety Solutions director and former police officer Susan McLean said children did not need a mobile phone until they were in high school.

“I don’t think anyone in primary school needs a mobile phone, the safety notion is just a notion,” Ms McLean said.

Glenn and Shona Henry from Northcote and their two sons Thomas, 17 and Matthew, 15. Picture: Sarah Matray

She warned parents to know the ins and outs of the mobile device before handing it over and to closely monitor its use.

“Parents hand over the phone and hope for the best — there’s nothing wrong with kids having a phone but it can be misused,” Ms McLean said.

“Kids are texting at 2am or using the phone in the bedroom or bathroom — all those things are a recipe for disaster.”

Of the families who took part in the survey whose kids used social media, majority of parents knew their child’s passwords, something Ms McLean highly recommended.

“It’s about being a good parent, if your child is on an account you need to be there too and be actively parenting in the digital space,” she said.

“Social media and the internet are not a child’s playground.”

THE RESULTS

41 per cent of families eat out or get takeaway one or more times a week

51 per cent of families spend more than $300 a term on sport and other extra-curricular activities

62 per cent of parents give their children no pocket money for doing chores

81 per cent of families don’t let their kids walk to school alone

66 per cent of families say parents should be allowed to smack their kids

30 per cent of parents believe kids should wear makeup from the age of 16

13 per cent of families pay between $250-$1000+ for childcare each week