Parenting advice: How to handle raising boys

FROM breaking rules to pushing boundaries, parents of boys can expect to have their hands full. Our experts reveal how to handle raising boys.

Lochie McCann. Picture: Tony Gough

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PARENTS of boys need to make sure they give them routines and boundaries, but also be patient with them because they will deliberately break the rules.

A Sunday Herald Sun special report today reveals the blueprint to raising happy, confident boys to be young men.

Author Michael Grose said parents needed to monitor boys’ aggression, but make sure their sons had confidence so they could flourish at school.

He said a lack of confidence could be a major hurdle as boys aged.

Grose has written 10 parenting books and delivered talks to thousands of parents across Australia.

Louis and Felix race through a muddy puddle. Picture: Jake Nowakowski

He said the key to understanding boys was appreciating the gender differences in the behaviour, confidence and learning between boys and girls.

“Look at two-year-olds and you can see the boys and girls are very different,” Grose said.

“The boys are often active and moving, while the girl often is not.

“Boys can also be more angry and are wired to be more aggressive as they age. Boys can go from zero to 10 on the anger scale.”

Grose said boys’ brains for the first five years “are wired so they focus on spatial, visual and gross motor skills”.

“Girls are more verbal and more focused on fine motor skills, which is why they start school with an advantage,” he said.

Grose, whose latest book is Spoonfed Generation, said boys liked rules: “Watch them play backyard cricket and there’s lots of rules such as one hand-one bounce, over the fence and out.

“Sometimes, though, boys break rules just for the sake of it.”

Grose said boys often lacked confidence in their learning and struggled with their social skills and organisation.

Fox, 8, playing in the backyard with his Nerf guns. Picture: Jay Town

“They have to like them, and feel comfortable around them. If they don’t like a teacher then they can shut down; they’re very straightforward,” he said.

“They are also not as well organised as girls and need a reason for doing something. This means they are more inclined to listen to a teacher if they know why they are doing the lesson.”

Grose said a lack of confidence could be a major hurdle as boys aged.

“Boys can start to hold themselves back and have a low-risk approach to learning — they don’t want to stand out from the crowd,” he said.

When it comes to friendships, boys could be more stable than girls, Grose said.

Anita Dillon with her 3 boys, Jonah, 13, Taj, 9, and Cadel, 8. Picture: Jay Town

Twins Jack and Will. Picture: Tony Gough

The McCann brothers: Jack, Will, Harry and Lochie. Picture: Tony Gough

Boys tended to use technology for games whereas girls used their phones to communicate with others.

“You do have to set limits on technology; it’s not just about how many hours, but what they are doing on the phone that matters,” he said.

Eaglemont mother of three Anita Dillon, 42, said her boys — Jonah, 13, Taj, 9, and Cadel, 8 — “maxed out on any sport”.

“If they’re outside they are playing it; if they’re inside they’re watching sport,” she said.

“Having three boys is the best — they’ve all got a nice side and are caring and loving.”

Another mother of three boys, Di O’Reilly, 56, set up the national Mothers of Boys network to help parents raising sons.

“It started as a joke. Fathers of sons get fishing trips and mothers of daughters get morning teas. What do mothers of sons get? The washing,” she said. “I went through a stage where I bought my boys girls’ toys and they would make forts out of the doll houses. And they would make guns out of anything, even toast,” Ms O’Reilly said.

“I gave up when I found Princess Leia lying under Action Man one day in the garden,” she said. “They burp the alphabet and fart in your face, and you realise that’s normal.”

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