Neil Mitchell unfiltered: The best and the boofheads of Melbourne
In his three decades on air, Neil Mitchell has met all the important players in Melbourne. These are his unvarnished thoughts on the best – and the bastards – of the bunch.
Victoria
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3AW’s Neil Mitchell was talking on the phone on Tuesday when he heard the beeps. Another call was coming in.
His familiar voice suddenly sounded far younger than his 72 years.
“I’ve got to go. It’s the Prime Minister. Really, it is.”
Mitchell hung up.
He was lining up one of his last Mornings on-air interviews, with Anthony Albanese, on Friday, in what has morphed, almost by osmosis, into an overloaded week of on-air Mitchell farewells.
And why not?
He’s been doing the gig since 1990; by a rough and conservative estimate, that’s almost 24,000 hours as the voice of Melbourne.
He has hectored and grumbled. Sometimes laughed and often cried.
Throughout, he has always mattered, which is why he bears little comparison with any other Melbourne fixture.
Mitchell has been the default meeting point in moments of crisis, exercises in hope, the pursuits of truth, and the callings out of poppycock.
He has long been in the news, obviously. But his longevity is best explained by his breaking of news, of his setting of the agenda in a city and state which has been collapsing, and recovering, and evolving, and reinventing itself since the time that Bob Hawke was prime minister.
He has met all the important players, to be befriended by some and alienated by others.
Below are his unvarnished thoughts on his heroes, his friends, his loved ones and – to borrow some of Mitchell’s preferred labels – the “boofheads” and the “bastards”.
The PMs
Bob Hawke
Charismatic, talented. Today he’d be cancelled before he got anywhere near Canberra …
Paul Keating
Nowhere near as good as he thinks. A political bully.
John Howard
A poor communicator who taught himself how to do it and became a superb communicator. No tickets on himself.
Kevin Rudd
Totally confusing. Used to wake me up in the early hours for things that could have waited. It was a power game.
Julia Gillard
Weaponised sexist persecution. Was not the victim she portrayed.
Tony Abbott
An on air plodder who when he relaxed off air was charming and articulate. Good thinker.
Malcolm Turnbull
What is he talking about now? And will this sentence never end?
Scott Morrison
Would not concede it was daylight if the sun was up.
Anthony Albanese
He has perfected the art of saying a great deal without saying anything.
The Premiers
John Cain
A man of integrity. History will judge him better than it has to date.
Joan Kirner
Decent person. In it for the right reasons. Her colleagues failed her as premier.
Jeff Kennett
Brought excitement and energy into politics but the voters didn’t want either. Could be a bully.
Steve Bracks
Decent man. Hated having to spin or mislead. Would break out in a sweat when being deliberately misleading.
John Brumby
The poison chalice. A delightful giggle when cornered.
Ted Baillieu
Another decent man, consumed by detail. Weird sense of humour.
Denis Napthine
I’m told he was a very good vet. Sense of fun was his best asset.
Daniel Andrews
Changed politics in Victoria. Spin, evasion and political thuggery won him elections. The danger is that others embrace the template – on either side.
The AFL bosses
Ross Oakley
Loved his footy. Good solid back pocket player.
Wayne Jackson
Nice bloke, but would have trouble selling ice to eskimos.
Andrew Demetriou
Didn’t care much what anybody thought. Could sell melted ice to Eskimos and convince them it was frozen. Engaging.
Gil McLachlan
Seemed always up for a bit of fun. Smoothed troubled waters and was great company.
Andrew Dillon
A nervous start. Will be a very different CEO to the two previous.
Melbourne figureheads
Ron Walker
The great promoter. Excellent salesman. And loyal if you supported him in tough times.
John So
What did he say? Sorry, a leader needs to be intelligible.
Sally Capp
Loves a camera and a quote. Tries hard.
Linda Dessau
Dignified, articulate and sensible. I sat on an AFL committee with her as chair. No mucking around tolerated, even from Kevin Sheedy.
James Gobbo
Always struck me that he suffered because of his niece, Nicola.
John Landy
Lovely man and figurehead.
Robert Doyle
Paid the price and continues to pay. In vino is danger.
Top Cops
Kel Glare
Straight up and down. Not a great leader of men.
Neil Comrie
I wish him well, despite our disagreements.
Christine Nixon
Defined by some silly errors.
Simon Overland
Defined by some absolutely staggering errors.
Ken Lay
Helped put the force back together again. Genuinely decent and committed man. Screwed by government in “retirement”.
Graham Ashton
Handled some very nasty issues well. Handled some very nasty issues not so well.
Shane Patton
Really enjoys being a copper. Still loves riding in the divvy van. Has seen the sharp end. What you see is what you get.
Likes, loves and those he loved to hate
Molly Meldrum
Bambi. Everybody loves Molly.
Shane Warne
Classic flawed Aussie character. But you had to like him. Had awful fights with him but we’d always sort them face-to-face.
Ron Barassi
Was my hero when I was 12 and still is my hero.
Eddie McGuire
I love his enthusiasm but he has no understanding of the phrase “conflict of interest”.
Steve Price
He certainly knows a story but sometimes has trouble writing it. Could charm a bear out of its cave.
Jon Faine
Very impressive. Particularly to himself.
Virginia Trioli
Talented but too inner city.
Brian Naylor
Loved his company and his professional poise.
Peter Hitchener
Another Bambi. No nicer person in media. Perpetually insecure.
Alan Jones
Knew his audience.
John Laws
The father of talk radio who should have stopped before he became the great grandfather of talk radio.
The Project
Good idea past its time.
Kyle and Jackie O
Don’t underestimate the professionalism behind the baloney.
Ross Stevenson
Under recognised radio genius.
Tim Smith (ex-MP)
Who?
Dame Elisabeth Murdoch
One of my most fascinating interviews. A genuine character.
John Elliott
He’d be cancelled along with Hawkie.
Tom Elliott
Not a nasty bone in his body. He may need to develop some now.
Ann Peacock
Terrific to work with.
Barry Humphries
Brilliant man. Great interview subject because he was always concerned to perform at his best.
Clementine Ford
Now you’re trying to get me cancelled.
Tyler Fishlock
An intensely brave and optimistic little boy who has grown into a delightful man. He works wood! Totally blind and he makes magnificent furniture. He’s promised me some.
Stan Grant
Talented man, who despite his significant success seems to think he has been held back by his race.
Waleed Aly
Odd fit on the project. Seems more at home lecturing three people on Radio National.
Kylie Minogue
Staggering longevity. Family the most decent people you would meet in show business.
Michael Gudinski
Watched him drink red wine at breakfast one day. Great brain and energy.
Margaret Court
Dudded.
Olivia Newton-John
Engaging, warm, talented but a little tortured I suspect.
Derryn Hinch
He once told me he had never doubted his own judgement. That’s a worry.
Les Carlyon
Greatest journalist in Australian history. A mentor of mine and I sense he is still looking over my shoulder and shaking his head.
Tony Beddison
Another mentor. Calm head, cool eye, saved me from going over the professional cliff many times. Kind, generous and fun.
Cyclists
Over indulged (see Sally Capp).
Bert Newton
Generous and decent and a legend. Made people happy.
Millennials
Will be great when they grow up and stop blaming Boomers for everything that goes wrong.
Nelson Mandela
An aura, a charisma I have not seen before or since. A delight to interview. Sensitive to the needs of the audience and the interviewer.
The moments
Three most emotional moments on air
When a young Tyler Fishlock said live to air “don’t cry Mummy” as Richmond players gathered for a final kick before he lost his second eye.
Any number of conversations with average Victorians struggling through Covid lockdowns. Uplifting, sad, real and at times restorative.
Crying with bushfire victims with stunned, blank eyes, and the smell of smoke in their hair.
Three biggest stories
Covid.
Port Arthur.
The indulgent, destructive prime ministerial merry-go-round from both sides.
Three worst interviews
To my eternal shame, I let Paul Keating off the hook after he threatened me off air.
Failure to get a brace of politicians to even vaguely address the question.
The “big name” Australian comedian who was barely willing to tell me his name. He didn’t want to be there. He was never invited back.
Three most embarrassing moments
Attacking the AFL for leaving the MCG empty when they had already moved the match.
Being star struck by Max Gawn.
Getting my maths wrong every time I try mental arithmetic on the run.
Who inspired you the most?
Les Carlyon and Graham Perkin, both Age editors. They taught me a work ethic, to remember my audience, and to never trust the advertising department.
Who is the interview you never got?
In recent years Daniel Andrews, but I have been banned by better.
I would also have loved to interview Richard Nixon, Queen Elizabeth II, Sir John Monash, and those hundreds of thousands of Victorians who have been part of my life over these years but never called.
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