‘My list of airplane assholes who have absolutely zero airplane etiquette’

Ex Pies star Dane Swan has let loose on his pet hates when flying, providing a long list of complaints and lecturing on etiquette. Do you agree with his hit list?

Former Collingwood champion star Dane Swan has let loose on his pet hates when flying, providing a long list of complaints including people who clap when a plane lands.

“Here is my list of airplane assholes who have absolutely zero airplane etiquette,” Swan teed off on Twitter on Thursday.

Top of his hit list is “the priority border (sic) who isn’t a priority”, with Swan commenting it takes people a long time to board a plane and “they don’t need old mate in 57A to sneak on (be) cause they are an impatient asshole and people in business (class) wanna sit down first and laugh at the commoners all walk past them”.

Dane Swan with disgraced former footy agent Ricky Nixon and Melissa Huynh. Picture: Instagram

Swan with footy identity Billy Brownless. Picture: Instagram

Next Swan takes aim at “people who hold up everyone getting off the plane” because they haven’t prepared themselves properly as soon as the seatbelt sign went off, adding “no one has time for their f--king about”.

People who sit in the wrong seat and then ask if they can stay there are next on his list, especially the “imbecile” and “asshole” with a middle seat who tries to sit in his pre-booked window seat.

Those who choose to clap when a plane safely lands are out of favour, with the only permissible time for applause being if a plane is about to crash and the pilot instead pulls off a miracle landing, Swan says.

He takes a swing at those who arrive 10 minutes late for their plane and hold up the whole flight, and finishes with condemning “the asshole that gets up immediately and tries to sneak up four rows before the doors open”, with their “fat ass” standing in Swan’s aisle space.