Melbourne mums on trying to balance work and home

FOLDING washing in front of the TV shouldn’t be your ‘me’ time — these Melbourne mums open up about what they really want and how to make the juggle work.

MELBOURNE mums are time-poor, sleep-deprived and sick of being judged by others.

With a record number of mothers of young children going back to work before their child is two, the Sunday Herald Sun sat down with five mums to see how they’re coping with the work/life juggle.

We found they wanted more flexible workplaces, cheaper childcare and partners who knew how to put on a load of washing.

They wanted others to know folding washing on the couch while watching TV was not “me time”.

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They were often perfectionists who had loads of mother-guilt, and didn’t want to be judged if their kids had toast for three meals in a row.

What they really wanted was a wife to take care of them the way they take care of everyone else.

Melbourne mums Elizabeth Anile, Renee Hallam, Anita Cooksey, Jodi Geddes and Kate Pollard. Picture: David Caird

The mums met last week at the Yarraville home of Jodi Geddes, co-founder of ­circlein.com.au, an online working mums’ resource, to chat about life, work and kids.

One of the biggest issues was the difficulty of balancing work with the demands of a young family.

Figures from the Australian Institute of Family Studies show that even when mothers worked full-time, they ended up doing a lot more domestic and caring work than fathers.

By the time the first child has turned one, 44 per cent of women have returned to work.

“It’s hard when you want to get to work on time but you can’t always manage it because of the kids, and you can’t do overtime,” Ms Geddes said.

“A lot of mums end up not having lunch and rushing around because they can’t get much done in the evenings.”

Anita Cooksey with daughter Bronte 1 and son Boyd 3. Picture: David Caird

Renee Hallam with son William 7 months and daughter Ruby 3. Picture: David Caird

Renee Hallam, a fashion buyer, agreed.

“There’s always another person around to do the job who doesn’t have to go at 5.30pm — who doesn’t have to get to daycare,” she said.

Kate Pollard, the co-founder of circlein.com.au, added: “It’s hard because you don’t ever get to be the mum who gets to have fun and network. You always have to get home.”

It’s not easy, though, for those who work from home.

Elizabeth Anile, a freelance journalist and blogger, works from home which allows her to look after Ollie, 1.

“There’s no separation. I’m still in my PJs and he’s being cared for, which is great, but I do sometimes envy those with desk jobs,” she said.

Elizabeth Anile with son Oliver 1. Picture: David Caird

The cost and availability of childcare was another major issue, and many of the mums said they would be worse off under the new federal changes taking effect next year.

Housework was a perennial issue. About 80 per cent of mums and dads surveyed by the Australian Institute of Family Studies said housework should by equally shared by working parents.

“I have three kid-free days but manage clients five days a week — it doesn’t always fit,” Anita Cooksey, a brand manager, said. “I send out emails in between making dinner for the kids and putting washing on the line.”

Ms Hallam agreed.

“Yes, you end up folding the washing in front of the TV and that’s your ‘me’ time,” she said.

It was harder for those doing it solo, Ms Anile, a single mother, said.

“I don’t have anyone coming home at 6pm at the end of the day,” she said. “It’s just me who’s feeding the pets and cleaning up the kitchen and putting Ollie to bed and so you don’t stop until 8.30pm or 9pm.

“But I am lucky to have my mum to help me out. She’s awesome.”

Social media was another issue: the mums portrayed it as both a blessing and a curse.

“Celebrity mums who present the perfect house and the perfect kids make it all look easy,” Ms Pollard said. “It would be better for people to be more real and tell it like it is.”

Body image issues were always present. “My body did something awesome and created a baby, and I was worrying about not fitting into my jeans,” Ms Anile said.

Ms Pollard said it would help if women “talked about what’s hard as well as what’s easy”. That’s why she and Ms Geddes formed Circle In.

As Ms Cooksey put it, “being a mother is a blessing, but it’s hardly ever easy”.

TIPS

■ Be kind to yourself — we are often our harshest critics. Focus on the great things, not those that don’t matter.

■ Make yourself a priority and schedule some regular time for yourself to recharge and reconnect.

■ Don’t do it all, and let people help you if they offer — share the load by letting your partner, family or friends help out.

■ Look out for other women — make time to regularly check in with other mamma friends and colleagues to see if they are OK.

■ Live in the moment — your children aren’t little forever.

■ Regularly switch off your devices and spend time as a family. And have fun!

■ Form you own mamma circle — it’s helpful to know others have similar challenges.

■ Bring together mums you work with for help.

KATE POLLARD AND JODI GEDDES, CO-FOUNDERS OF CIRCLEIN.COM.AU