Backroom Baz: Kim in a wee bit of strife

Veteran Liberal MP Kim Wells had some explaining to do when a security-conscious officer at parliament pulled him up outside the bathroom. Luckily all were able to crack a smile in the end.

Rowville MP Kim Wells is used to having his name confused but this was a novel mix-up. Picture: Derrick den Hollander

After 27 years as a state MP, Kim Wells has earned his position as the “Father of the House”.

But it seems not everyone in parliament is aware of the veteran Liberal’s stature.

The Rowville MP got a bit of a shock last month when he was confronted by a protective services officer as he walked out of a bathroom.

The security-conscious officer had been loitering near the loo to question Wells about why he had used a woman’s pass to gain entry to the parliament after hours.

Luckily, the manager of Opposition business quickly realised the mix-up, explaining that his name was gender neutral and that he had been a parliamentarian for the better part of three decades. Both the PSO and Wells were embarrassed by the misunderstanding, but all cracked a smile in the end.

Baz wonders whether this will be the catalyst for gender neutral bathrooms in parliament — although some of Wells’s Liberal colleagues would certainly kick up a stink about that.

TIME TO WIPE THE SEAT CLEAN

While Baz is descending into toilet humour, it seems the Department of Health’s public servants can’t get enough of it.

Last month, Baz revealed that some clean freak boffins had caused costly plumbing problems in their office bathrooms by flushing paper towels they had layered to sit on.

After some expensive taxpayer-funded repairs, warnings were posted around the stalls but the problems continued.

Now Baz has been told the toilets were again out of action late last month. The health bureaucrats are really on a roll.

BILL’S NOT HORSING AROUND

Baz loves a political lookalike.

First it was Kew MP Tim Smith and controversial GWS star Toby Greene.

Now the Libs have done it again, unearthing an amusing comparison for their lower house whip Bill Tilley.

The Benambra MP last year placed an ad in The Border Mail of himself riding through the state’s northeast, promising “vision, experience, commitment” for his constituents.

Member for Benambra Bill Tilley.

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin rides shirtless in Southern Siberia. Picture: AFP

It was dug up by one of his colleagues last month when North Korea’s state media shared photos of leader Kim Jong-un galloping in the snow.

While Tilley is also affectionately known as Frank Underwood — Kevin Spacey’s feared president in House of Cards — Liberals say he could use a more dictatorial streak when disciplining his more unruly colleagues.

Baz is just happy Tilley kept his shirt on, unlike another political strongman in Vladimir Putin.

SORRY FOLKS, ONLY VISITING

It’s one of the best jobs the Victorian government can hand out.

And last week, it seemed for a moment that it might be up for grabs.

Michael Kapel, Victoria’s commissioner to the Americas, was spied on Spring St, a long way from his sunny San Francisco base. It immediately prompted chatter about whether Ted Baillieu’s former chief of staff was coming home for good.

Michael Kapel, Victoria’s commissioner to the Americas, was spied on Spring St.

But Baz’s spies say Kapel was only in town to attend an Invest Victoria investment summit.

And his term doesn’t expire for another 12 months — which is plenty of time for the queue to begin to replace him.

Trade and Investment Minister Martin Pakula — who is in Baz’s good books after giving him his first mention in Hansard last week — said Kapel had done an “outstanding job”, and that the government had already reappointed him twice.

“It is our absolute expectation that he will complete his latest term,” Pakula said.

SWITCH OF PLAY

Victoria’s workplace safety watchdog was given a shake-up last week by Attorney-General Jill Hennessy.

She appointed a new chairman and chief executive to run WorkSafe, along with new directors including Elizabeth Lukin.

Readers of the sport pages might be more familiar with Lukin’s work. She has spent several years at AFL House, running the league’s corporate affairs department.

Before that, Lukin was brought in by Essendon to handle their PR strategy during the supplements saga.

Baz hopes Elizabeth Lukin takes a different approach in her new gig. Picture: Rebecca Michael

The communications strategist was particularly hands-on in that job, suggesting to James Hird that he should consider standing down at the height of the drugs crisis.

In court documents, it was also claimed that Lukin encouraged a plan to blame the scandal on “rogue operators” Dean Robinson and Stephen Dank.

When an Essendon coach asked if they were concerned with “what actually happened”, Lukin allegedly replied: “No, it won’t help us moving forward.”

Baz hopes she takes a different approach in her new gig. After all, WorkSafe did manage to successfully prosecute the Bombers over the injecting program, with the club copping a $200,000 fine.

MORE BACKROOM BAZ

CAN SCOMO PHONE HOME?

MP GIVEN CREDIT WHERE CREDIT ISN’T DUE

DUMPED LIBERAL CANDIDATE UNLOADS IN 1740-WORD RANT

OVERHEARD BY BAZ

“We use outbound telephony to the phone numbers that we have.” — A Services Australia bureaucrat tells a Senate hearing about phone calls that were made over incorrect robodebt notices.

Got any political scuttlebutt for Baz?

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