Susie O’Brien: Experts reveal a top guide to raising girls

EXPERTS say parents need to raise girls to be independent and confident and give them unconditional love.

Eva, 8, and Augusta, 7, still have the challenging teen years to navigate. Picture: Alex Coppel

PARENTS need to raise girls to be independent and confident and give them unconditional love, experts say.

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Dr Justin Coulson, parenting author and father of six girls, said boys and girls are wired differently.

“Girls are more occupied with friendship dramas and relationships than boys,” he said.

“Girls are more communicative than boys, particularly face-to-face, and they’re better at sitting still.

“They’re also often taught to be submissive and do what they are told,” said Dr Coulson, the author of Nine Ways to a Resilient Child.

“This is why parents need to give girls the chance to make mistakes and learn from them, and to make their own decisions.

“They need to experience life and take risks and parents need to stop controlling them so much.

“Make sure you don’t solve their problems — ask them what they think they should do.”

Dr Coulson said girls need an opportunity to get away from relationship pressures.

“It’s good for them to have quiet time — either sport or a passion or interest that’s unique to them and solely theirs,” he said.

Fiona Power’s daughters all have different interests: Mia, 11, is sporty, Lily, 9, collects dolls and Ruby, 6, likes a bit of both. Picture: David Caird

Dr Coulson said girls often have high anxiety levels and therefore “need unconditional love, especially when they deserve it the least”.

He also advises parents to encourage girls to get outside more. “Spending time in nature boosts resilience and physical health,” he said.

Dr Shona Bass, managing director of Early Life Foundation in Moorabbin, said parents should avoid a recipe-driven approach when dealing with their children.

“There’s strong evidence there’s differences between boys and girls but within those differences there is a wide range of diversity between the individuals,” she said.

“We look at the child, their temperament, what’s going on in their life and respond to the child rather than responding to the gender ... gender is only one aspect that influences them.”

Dr Bass said it wasn’t clear why adolescent girls become immersed with relationships.

“Some of that may be genetic predisposition, some might be a social thing, it’s impossible to separate,” she said.

“Girls mature earlier than boys and that’s an undeniable fact; girls generally finish puberty before most boys have even entered that phase.

“Parents needs to look at what is happening to the child at the time, it’s called proactive parenting.

“We need to look at the child and their development to work towards how we get it right for them to set the children up for success.”

Leah, 7, plays at home in Forest Hill. Picture: Jason Edwards

Madonna King, author of Being 14, agrees there’s a big difference between girls and boys during the teenage years.

“Parents can have very high expectations and if the girls don’t feel they live up to them then they think they are failing,” she said.

“They are worried about their dads getting angry and their mums getting disappointed.

“Their anxiety is nothing like our generation.”

Ms King said parents have to watch out for the way girls treat their friends: “Girls can be so mean to each other and they can judge their own value on how they are viewed on social media.

“Talk to them about how friends on social media are not the same as the real thing.”

King said 14 was the age when girls tended to stay up later, but should get at least nine hours sleep
a night.

Deepdene kinder educator Fiona Power, 39, and her husband Ben, 39, who works in advertising, are busy raising Mia, 11, Lily, 9, and Ruby, 6.

“They are all a bit different. Mia and Ruby are more sporty and competitive while Lily is more quiet and loves dolls and babies,” Ms Power said.

“People always ask whether we are disappointed that we didn’t have a boy but of course we aren’t,” Ms Power said.

“Having three girls is busy but a lot of fun.”

Parents should avoid a recipe-driven approach when dealing with their children.

TIPS FOR RAISING GIRLS:

You can’t choose your daughter’s friends

Make sure teenage girls get enough sleep — take devices out of their bedrooms and buy them an alarm clock instead

Don’t put too many of your own expectations on them, let them make their own mistakes

Tell us your tips for raising girls below

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