Parenting experts dish up advice on how to survive your kids’ teenage years

UNPLUG the internet, ease up on the pocket money, be prepared to hear dirty jokes and above all keep calm. Parenting experts dish out advice for parents to navigate their child’s teenage years.

Mother Kate with her teenage daughter, Emi, 14. Picture: Tony Gough

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UNPLUG the internet, ease up on the pocket money, be prepared to hear dirty jokes and above all “keep calm”.

This is the advice experts are dishing out for parents as they navigate the mind field of their child’s teenage years.

The rise of technology and social media has meant parents face new challenges. Picture: Tony Gough

Troublesome teens are not a new phenomenon, as adolescents have always sought to push the boundaries, said parenting author Pinky McKay.

“It’s part of being a teenager to take risks and to find out who you are,” Ms McKay said.

“Part of becoming an adult is finding their own value system and the only way to do that sometimes is to push against their parents,” she said.

But the rise of technology and social media has meant parents face new challenges and can often find themselves in uncharted territory.

“It’s more difficult now than ever,” Ms McKay said.

“Because of mobile phones, they can communicate with anyone these days so there’s a lot less knowing now as a parent,” she said.

Ms McKay, a mother-of-five, said it was important for parents to keep communication open with their teenagers, but respect their child if they sometimes don’t feel like talking.

“Going into their room and shutting the door is not always going to get a good response,” she said.

Instead, she suggested trying to engage with teenagers while playing chauffeur when you’ve got a captive audience. It’s also good way to get to know their friends, Ms McKay added.

Troublesome teens are not a new phenomenon. Picture: Thinkstock

But while it may seem like a good idea be onside with your teenager’s friends, the role of parent always comes first.

“You can still laugh and joke with your kids but you don’t have to be their best mate,” she said.

“Don’t worry about your child not liking you. They might get embarrassed by you sometimes, but I think that’s just character building,” she said.

Frankston mother Kate Fennessy said her 14-year-old daughter Emi was beginning to push the boundaries now she has entered her teenage years.

“She’s a pretty good kid but I’m anticipating in the next year she will start to make

mistakes, some of her friends have already started,” she said.

Ms Fennessy runs a social media marketing business and said she understands the pressure that technology added to teenage life.

“Everything is so much more accessible and information is right at her finger tips ... the world is bigger for her than it was more for me,” the 38-year-old said.

When it comes to setting rules, the mother-of-one said she considered herself pretty fair, though she does get some resistance from Emi.

“She has to let me know where she is at any given time but she doesn’t like telling me her plans,” Ms Fennessy said.

Despite the occasional argument, she said she always tries to stay calm because “they still need you more than they let on”.

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TIPS FOR TAMING TEENS

MOBILE PHONES & INTERNET USAGE

— Have phone charging stations outside the bedroom

— Have an area where all family members — including parents — keep their phones at night

— Consider turning the Wi-Fi off at night or not giving your teen the password if it becomes a problem

GIRLFRIENDS & BOYFRIENDS

— Have conversations with your teen about who they are seeing

— If you don’t approve of a partner, try not to be too forceful — this will only push them away further

POCKET MONEY

— Don’t hand out too much cash — it will give them a greater sense of entitlement and they’re likely to spend it on things they shouldn’t (think alcohol)

— If your teenager wants some extra money, encourage them to get a casual job

SETTING RULES

— Be prepared to make your own rules — you don’t have to follow the crowd

— Don’t worry about embarrassing your kid when disciplining them — they will get over it

— Don’t yell — you’ll never get the full story from your teen if you overreact

— Be firm but keep your cool