Susie O’Brien: Talking about violence perpetrated by men doesn’t mean all men are violent

NOT all men are violent, but most of those who are violent are men. Rather than blaming women for raising the issue, men should be trying to work out how to make things better, writes Susie O’Brien.

IN the past 48 hours three more men have been question by police over the deaths of women known to them.

In the Hunter Valley a suspicious fire claimed the life of Jan Garrett. Her male live-in carer is being questioned by police, though he has not been charged.

In Melbourne’s Cranbourne North, a mother-of-three called Amanda Harris died in a house fire after being stabbed. A man believed to be her partner was arrested in Berwick soon afterwards. Police feared for her three young children, but they were found safely.

Just six kilometres away in Hampton Park a man was arrested over the death of a woman known to him. No more details have been released.

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Eurydice Dixon was tragically killed in Carlton North. Picture: Supplied

Too many women are killed in domestic homicides — this year the number already totals almost 30.

It comes as people across the country are still reeling from the brutal deaths of NSW teenage siblings Jack and Jennifer Edwards. They were killed by their father, who peppered their bodies with gunshot wounds at close range and left them for their mother Olga Edwards to find.

It’s an uncomfortable truth that three-quarters of domestic or family murders are perpetrated by men and have female victims.

It’s a truth we shouldn’t dodge or ignore because it matters. Understanding the full picture of what’s going on in our society is the only way we can work together to stop the senseless deaths.

Jennifer Edwards.

Jack Edwards.

Two teens were shot dead by their father in a Sydney home. Picture: Seven News

Talking about violence perpetrated by men doesn’t mean all men are violent.

It’s true that some women kill. It’s a reality that no one is trying to dodge. However, we must not — and cannot — ignore the gendered nature of domestic violence and homicide.

It’s not man-bashing, or man-hating, or misandry or anything else.

But if we don’t accept the clear patterns in the violence statistics, we have little hope of saving more lives and stopping the cycle of violence.

It’s not about glorying in victimhood, and it’s not about whiners and whingers having a go, as some are claiming.

It’s certainly not about feminazis having a rant just because we ‘hate’ men.

It’s about being honest about the problem so we can find better solutions.

In all of the carefully constructed analysis about violence and gender that has flowed since the death of Eurydice Dixon, I’ve only seen one or two commentators try and make out this is about all men, or that all men are to blame for the sins of a few.

They don’t work for this organisation and they don’t include me.

Forensics taking photos outside the home where two teens were shot dead in West Pennant Hills this afternoon @newscomauHQ pic.twitter.com/izFHMeLMXW

— Megan Palin (@Megan_Palin) 5 July 2018

More important is finding the patterns so we can stop the violence.

We know, for instance, that in 40 per cent of domestic homicide there is a history of violence. One in three such deaths occur around the end of the relationship; women and children are most at risk in the three months after the breakup.

Mental illness is also a factor in one third of cases. Alcohol and drug abuse is often mentioned, but the link is less clear.

Researchers from Australian Domestic and Family Violence Death Review Network assessed domestic violence murders between 2010 and 2014.

One quarter of men were under domestic violence orders designed to protect their victims.

Emotional abuse was used by 84 per cent of perpetrators leading up to the deaths.

Let’s provide better protection for women and children during times when they are most at risk. We need early recognition of the warning signs when family situations become unsafe.

We need better gun laws that stop those with IVOs accessing firearms.

And we need to further explore what researchers say is the link between men who want to control, demean and dehumanise women, and those who kill.

The bottom line is that while not all men are violent, but most of those who are violent are men.

Rather than blaming women for raising the issue, men should be trying to work out how to make things better.

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