James Weir recaps Married At First Sight 2018 episode 14

WE THOUGHT nothing could be as humiliatingly awful as Dean and Davina’s sordied MAFS affair. We were so, so wrong.

AS THE dust clears and the damage is assessed following the detonation of Dean and Davina’s affair on Married At First Sight, it becomes apparent very quickly on Monday night the most humiliating detail is yet to be uncovered.

We thought we knew everything about Dean. A lot has already been said. Much of it has marred his reputation. But what’s exposed during Monday’s episode has the capacity to ruin his life — and the lives of those around him — forever.

WHY HUMILIATED TRACEY STAYED ON MAFS

‘SIGN ME UP TO THE NEXT MAFS’: JO

Just hours after Sunday night’s commitment ceremony — which saw Dean and Davina’s plan to leave their partners and begin a life together go haywire — we’ve hit the road for home visits. For seven days, we’re hanging out at the boys’ crap shacks and pretending like we’re not repulsed by their foul bedspreads.

THE AFFAIR EXPOSED: James Weir recaps MAFS episode 14

Still shell-shocked by his wife’s plans to swap him for another husband, we find ourselves in Ryan’s Toyota Hilux with Davina by his side as they rattle towards his family’s farm for his mother’s birthday.

Why is everyone so silen- ... oh that’s right.

Meanwhile, Tracey’s so bruised after being blindsided by Dean twice that she’s started wearing a helmet and elbow pads.

‘It hurts.’

After a night alone, Tracey has got her weird confidence back and she starts punctuating her conversations with jolty neck rolls and finger snaps as she starts saying things that, in her head, sound like Destiny’s Child lyrics.

“I could just walk away. I could just walk away, no problem. But then there’s no consequences for you,” she says, with awkward neck-hand choreography.

“Imma make you deal with this,” she adds, clicking her fingers.

“This is what you do. You hit it and quit it.”

This is the seventh time Tracey has tried to get traction with her “hit it and quit it” catchphrase and every time she says it I can’t help but wince.

*Shudders*

Many revelations come out during these home visits. After wreaking havoc at the wedding, Patrick’s mum Ruby is back on the scene and she still hates Charlene.

‘No.’

Meanwhile, in Sydney, Ashley’s trying to remember what’s so good about relationships anyway.

Me attempting to accept love.

During Sunday night’s commitment ceremony, Gab said she wanted Nasser to finally get sexual with her this week but he honestly just does not have the time. Between facials, he’s flat out plucking his eyebrows while staring into his new LED-lit magnifying mirror.

Brows before hoes.

As punishment for her actions, we make Davina lug her suitcases up a really steep staircase. When she reaches the top, we tell her we made a mistake and Ryan’s house is actually next door. Then when she reaches the bottom of the stairs, we yell “psych!” and make her lumber up the same stairs again.

‘All I did was cheat.’

She’s still reeling after her perfect plan to run off with Dean went haywire on Sunday night. Dean no longer likes her — and the public rejection has come as a cold slap to the face. As she waits impatiently on a four-wheeler in a field on Ryan’s family farm, she looks up and sees the man she deemed not good enough. A warm, dry country breeze blows as Ryan, shirtless, paddles toward her on a surf ski with a wet puppy in his lap. She wonders what was so wrong with this sweet tradie from Maroubra.

NOTHING. NOTHING WAS WRONG WITH HIM. YA FOOLISH.

Back in Sydney, Dean is grappling with another dark secret. We’ve found out a lot about him over the past weeks and none of it has been flattering. But this one thing — this one fundamental part of who he is — has been kept hidden from everyone: Us, the experts, Tracey. Exposing this secret could cause more damage than the affair that played out on national television. This could cause irreparable damage.

“Tracey doesn’t know this ...” Dean tells us, biting his bottom lip and looking away.

“I’m ... I’m a rapper.”

We’re immediately embarrassed to even be involved in this episode but we keep a straight face and act supportive because we would like to hear a rap please.

He even has a rap name.

“It’s Visionz,” Dean confides. “Like V-I-S-I-O-N-Z.”

I try to relate with him.

Stifling laughter in the back of an Uber, we head up to Harlem with Dean and Tracey and suddenly we find ourselves in a dark club in the middle of the day.

Dean and Tracey are wearing rapper clothes. I’m wearing the same dress Samantha Jones did in that Sex & The City scene where she dates that black music producer and then yells at his racist sister in a nightclub.

Suddenly, someone starts beatboxing and Dean begins spitting rhymes.

I’ve taken the liberty of transcribing the lyrics below. Ya welcome.

Heyo, Trace-ay.

My little lay-day

You drive me craze-ay

After last week on the couch oh I know ya prolly hate me

While Dean’s rapping, Tracey starts awkwardly neck rolling and snapping her fingers again. Their rap friends circle them and start chanting, “Cyclone Tracey! Hurricane Dean!”

Tracey’s really out of her depth but she’s seen Julia Stiles in Save The Last Dance so she feels she can handle this. She starts two stepping, even though she doesn’t really know what two stepping is. But, she figures if she just keeps alternating her feet the same way over and over then that must be it.

At this point, we’re all very overwhelmed by the confronting scenes but Dean continues.

But you gave me a shot

Ya so hot

Plus ya brain is next level c’mon show me what ya got

We tied the knot, at first sight, it’s so tight

And when we get to talkin’ girl we stay up all night

It’s all right we gonna make it through it’s just our first fight

Girl I got your back if you got mine we gonna be all right

Starting an unexpected rap battle, Tracey gets in Dean’s grill and jumps in on his beat.

“First ya hit it — and then ya quit it,” she says in a really clunky rhythm. After this one line, she doesn’t really know where to go and the guy beatboxing begins to give up.

But Tracey doesn’t care. This is everything she ever wanted. Messy, passionate love where one’s embarrassing interests are acknowledged and then never spoken about again.

Yes, Dean cheated and publicly humiliated her. But when Julia Stiles started dating Chenille’s brother Derek at the beginning of Save The Last Dance, he was in a gang and about to do a drive-by. And she managed to change him.

Maybe Tracey can change Dean too.

I spent three hours Photoshopping this don’t tell my editor.

For more observations on jolty neck rolls and what two stepping is, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir