I refuse to give all my kids a gift just because it's their sibling's birthday

"There were a lot of tears, screaming and trying to snatch the toys for about 30 minutes."

It's been the birthday month in our house.

Our youngest has just turned two and my three-year-old daughter was very excited to see all of the balloons and presents.

 Of course, they were not for her.

She knew this. The night before we had wrapped one together. She spent 30 minutes decorating a card for him. She understands that concept of a birthday very well.

But it was still going to be a very hard day for her.

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"Get her a present too"

For weeks leading up to the day I was worried that when she saw him open his new Paw Patrol trucks and cars (they both love the same things) that she would be devastated that she isn't getting any.

She's the older one so I was worried she was going to get upset and take them all off him.

Young kids, especially siblings, find it so incredibly hard to share. This is normal. But it does not make it any easier.

A few of my friends (with and without kids) had suggested to get her a little something too so she doesn't feel left out.

"Why don't you get her a small truck or car too? That way she can open a present and not feel sad about it?"

Image: Sophea Manzl

But in my opinion, that's ridiculous and I want my kids to learn that 'it's not always about them'. It's not something that always comes naturally to young children, watching and celebrating others.

In a child's world, things often naturally revolve around them. Right from the moment they are born. And so, as time goes on they have to learn it's not always about them.

I think that giving the sibling a present too is not solving any problems, just avoiding them for a small minute.

We have to celebrate and give to others and sometimes that means we don't get anything at all- except the joy of watching someone else's happiness.

"There were a lot of tears"

And so, my three-year-old didn't get any presents at all.

She woke up early and saw the huge number two balloon, the beautiful rainbow presents all wrapped up next to a new rocking horse. It was a lot. She was excited.

But when it came to open them and she saw what they were, she wanted to play with them all. But they weren't for her, so I had to try explain, again, that they were not for her. We told her that we want him to enjoy them first because it is HIS birthday and he will share with her later when he is ready.

And yes I will admit it was a hard time for her to watch him get all his new toys. Any three-year-old would find that hard. But how else are they going to learn? There were a lot of tears, screaming and trying to snatch the toys for about 30 minutes.

But after the initial sadness, she came out and asked her brother nicely if he would share. He did. And they played together. And then, at his birthday party she was quite happy to watch him open his presents. She watched his excitement and knew that she would get a turn later.

I'm not saying it's going to work every time. It may have been a one off. But I strongly stand by my decision to make each child's birthday solely about them, not any of their siblings.

Originally published as I refuse to give all my kids a gift just because it's their sibling's birthday