I'm an Australian who's lived in Spain for 3 years, and these are 12 mistakes I often see tourists make when they visit

Heading to Spain? Here's what not to do, as observed by someone who has made every single mistake imaginable.

Eating breakfast in a café? You're already doing Spain wrong.

Sombrero on? Cigar in mouth? Mother rushing down to the bottle shop to buy brandy for Sangria? If you thirst for Spain, don't start glugging until you've read this list of mistakes to avoid.

Eating breakfast in a cafe

From breakfast through until dinner, your neighbourhood bar has you covered.

Spain's not about breakfast. So forget your bacon and egg roll aspirations, this is supposed to be your humble meal of the day, simply tiding you over until lunch. 

Cafes are for tourists, and are priced accordingly. If you want something authentic, have breakfast in a bar (they're hard to miss, as they are everywhere).

Here, have toast with tumaca, or with a sachet of olive oil - see you're starting to feel Spanish already.

Ordering convoluted coffee 

In Spain, if you want a pumpkin spice latte, you will be disappointed. Here, coffee is coffee. You've got three types: Americano, cafe con leche or cortado (an espresso shot with a dash of milk). As for non-dairy milk alternatives, as someone who has been burned many times by ordering a soy milk cafe con leche, I would recommend opting for a normal milk cortado instead.

Ordering your toast 'to go'

While they will wrap it in aluminium foil for you, and let you take it, you will look weird. Also, eating toast with oil while walking down the street will make it look like you just escaped from some ExxonMobil disaster by the time you arrive at the office.

Thinking - "Spaniards hate the environment"

Spain is kind of like Australia 20 years ago when it comes to keep cups and cardboard straws. But before you get all high and mighty, remember, us 'eco-friendly' tourists are the only ones ordering take away - most of the locals eat (and drink) in the bar. 

Drinking sangria 

Sorry to be an aguafiesta, but no one drinks Sangria...

It may be a thing in the north, but in the three-odd years I spent in the south of Spain, with a Spanish family, I do not recall drinking Sangria once. Instead we drank: cruzcampo beer (never heaps in one go, but there was always a longneck in the fridge, to pour out a small glass or two with lunch), vermouth, sherry, fino, and fino with 7 Up. And after dinner on a Friday a gin and tonic with pink gin and strawberries (with nuts and lollies on side plates) was always on the cards.

Drinking pale ales or IPA

Spain does many things better than the rest of the world, but craft beer isn't one of them. If you insist on continuing your hipster habit in Spain, you'll probably be drinking imported stuff. Stick to lager.

Thinking a longneck beer has to be all drunk in one go

One of the things that surprised me the most in Spain, is the habit of pouring a few glasses of beer out of a longneck, then putting the bottle cap back on it, and putting it back in the fridge for the next day.

Getting burned

Spending all day at the beach is fun, but you might regret it later...

Though Australians are usually less guilty of this, in places like Fuengirola, Malaga, where hordes of English and German tourists make their annual pilgrimages, there are a lot of people who look like they've been blow-torched by an experimental MasterChef contestant who specialises in creme brulee.

This tends to happen because they love this concept of 'chiringuito' - something you don't get in England or Germany - basically a beach bar where you can eat and drink on the beach. Tourists get so excited with this they spend all day on the beach and get burnt.

As my Spanish partner tells me: "I've seen old people, bless them, they just cook but they are happy with the drink in hand - 12 hours of infinite drinking on the beach in exchange for cooking your skin."

Having afternoon tea in the afternoon

When we would normally be having our arvo coffee and biscuit here in Australia is when Spain is having lunch. So to have a proper Spanish afternoon tea, you need to wait until the evening. Once this hits (at about 5-6pm), go to a bar or a Moroccan tea-house (or, if you must, one of those fancy cafes you were eying up at breakfast). Here you can have a tea or coffee and something sweet.

Having churros after dinner

Breakfast of champions in Guadalcacin...

You're supposed to have them for breakfast, every now and then, from some guy named "Emilio."

Getting omelette or signature dishes in touristy places in Madrid or Barcelona 

If you like your egg hideously raw, or heinously overcooked, order your tortilla here. If not, try and move down a few streets. Or just go to 100 Montaditos...

Only going to Madrid and Barcelona

A running joke when Spanish people ask tourists where they've been in Spain, is that they will always answer "Madrid and Barcelona." But if you always go to these spots you will miss out on a lot of great small towns.

Originally published as I'm an Australian who's lived in Spain for 3 years, and these are 12 mistakes I often see tourists make when they visit