I’m 28… and I already feel too old to stay in a hostel

After a humbling social experience I've decided: that's it. I'm too old to stay in hostels. 

When are you too old to stay in a hostel? Image: @oasisbackpackershostelsevilla

I used to be a novelty toy older backpackers made fun of (and made a fuss about). Now I'm the boring old dude at the party. How did that happen?

Voices babble. The hot tub bubbles. The sun’s hot enough to fry a huevo frito on the floor. I nervously glance around the hostel rooftop. On one side sit the cool kids. The ones that have been at the hostel for months. They share war stories, inside jokes, reminisce about last night’s bar crawl, and look intimidating. Pass. 

Then, on the sun loungers, some creative type is holding court, showing a group his Instagram feed. Probably a photographer. Then there are the groups of friends who look like they are travelling together. 

Suddenly embarrassed, I start wondering why I’m here. The last time I stayed in a hostel I was 19 and single. I remember revelling in being the naive novelty (the one the experienced backpackers teased for asking questions like “where’s the blender” and "is there Heinz tomato sauce?"). Now I’m 28, in a relationship and have a 9-5. I'm everything any self respecting backpacker holds in deep contempt.

 

 

 

 

 

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A post shared by Oasis Backpacker's Palace (@oasisbackpackershostelsevilla)

In a weird reversal from my life in Australia, where I’m occasionally embarrassed by my lack of future planning when I talk to friends with mortgages and marriages, I now find myself mildly mortified by having my life somewhat together. 

Deep in consultation with myself (it was at this point that I started questioning whether it was worth it to carve out an extra night in Seville on my own, between going to a friend’s wedding with my partner and visiting relatives I rarely see in England), I walk over to the hot tub, where the rest of the misfits (and god knows what else) are floating.

Still wondering when, exactly, I got old (and thinking about how sad it was that I'd gone to such an effort to book a party hostel only to feel like more of an outcast than ever), I start to dip a leg into the water. 

“You have to shower first, you know.”

Oh. 

I used to be cool, I swear! Me as a 19 year old. Image: supplied

I jump out, shower, then panic as I realise I don’t know how to turn the shower off. With the acute sensation everyone on the rooftop is watching me be an environmental vandal (after already being caught out for being unhygienic), I start to go red. 

“Don’t worry, everyone struggles with that.”

At least there’s one friendly face.

I get in the hot tub. Suddenly I'm anonymous again. Everyone is having their own conversations. Even these hot tub misfits are cooler than me. I begin to feel uncomfortable. After about a minute of trying to adopt a casual demeanour, while no one talks to me (I don’t know why, but I kind of expected a torrent of questions about what I was doing and where I was from), I jump out, sop water all over the floor, grab myself a crispy Cruzcampo from the bar and come back.

Booking a hotel might have helped me avoid feeling like, as they put it in Trainspotting 2, "a tourist in your own youth."

At least it's nice drinking the cold beer in the hot tub. No wonder this water is sticky. This time I think of some super original conversation starters (“what are you doing?” “where are you from?”) and make a couple of friends. We end up getting dinner and drinks. There are also some arcade games and shisha. Then I go to bed while they go out and party. 

I go to bed, low key worried someone might steal my phone, and already dreading being woken up at 4am by my Irish bunkmate. And just like that I realised: I’m only 28, and I’m already too old to stay in a hostel. 

See also: 

13 reasons you’re too old for a hostel

The real way to do tapas in Spain

6 life-changing backpacking adventures you can do at any age

Originally published as I’m 28… and I already feel too old to stay in a hostel