Nikki Osborne on why women should stop turning their faces into an Insta filter

We’ve got eyebrows painted on, eyelashes that rival a cafe awning and lips so blown up I want to offer them something for the wasp sting. But why, and for who, asks Nikki Osborne.

‘If only her eyelashes were longer” … said no guy ever. Ladies, what are we doing?! Now I’m not here to bag cosmetic enhancements.

I’m still one of those women who won’t go outside without her “war paint” on and when required I might bung in some extra hair extensions.

Not so I look like some middle-aged mermaid or Disney princess, but to put back in what I can only imagine stress, children and my ever-increasing mortgage repayments have taken away.

But I’m seeing a trend at the moment where women are getting so tricked up they’re looking like their own Instagram avatar, and not in a good way.

We’ve got eyebrows painted on, eyelashes that rival a cafe awning and lips so blown up I want to offer them something for the wasp sting.

I’ve seen some women where you’d almost wonder which end they could sit on.

Do guys find this attractive?! Does it even matter? Are we doing this for guys? Or are we so disillusioned by Instagram filters that our human face just won’t do anymore? I’m worried.

Now I’m not here to beat up on women because we already have a hard enough time with impossible changeable standards, and also Barbie would be cross with me, but I’m certainly questioning why we’re doing it.

Comedian Nikki Osborne is seeing a trend where women are getting so tricked up they’re looking like their own Instagram avatar, and not in a good way.

So before I start questioning others I thought I’d start with myself. Why can I not leave the house without make-up? It started with concealer in my teen years when I started sporting blinders on my forehead. I was crushing hard on the school captain at the time and couldn’t let him see that I was anything less than a unicorn – mind you I did grow one so big mid-forehead I could’ve been mistaken for one.

Then came the foundation. Not only did it make my skin appear flawless, it was a great alternative to sunscreen. 20 years on I do not regret that decision as it has saved my skin. But when I wash my make-up off I look like Casper the Ghost.

Also, when I was on I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here, make-up-less, everyone commented on how sick I looked. I’m like no, not sick, that’s just my face. Maybe I should just run with that look so people offer me their seat on public transport.

Now, let’s discuss eyelash extensions. Extending one’s eyelashes I understand, as they frame the windows to your soul – but now we’ve got a whole generation of young women that look like those 1950s dolls whose eyes pop open when you sit them upright.

How is it we now have a whole generation of young women that look like those 1950s dolls whose eyes pop open when you sit them upright?

It’s not just the visual that scares me it’s how this has become a financial priority. I know women who will get their lashes done before they put fuel in their car. Why bother having brilliant lashes when you can’t make it to your Tinder date? I’ve got a lot of nurse friends who have giant lashes and we often joke about how many lashes might’ve ended up in someone’s abdomen during surgery.

Let’s not forget the laminated eyebrows. I appreciate and am relieved that a fuller brow is back but what’s with the stencilling ladies?

I was at the cinema recently and everywhere I looked there were big, dark eyebrows laminated on. Eyebrows are the key ingredient to facial expressions but these drawn on eyebrows not only clashed with their hair colour, they were permanently fixed in the angry angle. I asked one girl if she’d enjoyed the movie and she said she loved it and I thought “could you tell your face?”.

So I ask the question: Why? Fashion? For men? For women? Insecurity? Or for ourselves? I’m hoping it’s the latter.

Originally published as Nikki Osborne on why women should stop turning their faces into an Insta filter