The foolproof break-up text for early-stage dating

Perfect the art of the break-up

How to break up with someone over text. Image: Pexels

With this break-up text, you can end things respectfully and move on with your life (and so can they), saying exactly what needs to be said and leaving out what doesn't.

Breaking up is hard, especially when you’re unsure if you're dating or your unique brand of messed up situationship warrants it.

But let's face it: Ghosting is for cowards (and terrible dating karma), and ambiguous texts leave too much room for hope and zombies.

So, what do you do? You send a break-up text, of course.

The perfect break-up text is like a well-made cocktail—balanced, with no fluff, and leaves a good taste even while delivering a bitter truth. I’ve spent years crafting and improving one that is honest and respectful, doesn't leave anyone hanging, and is waiting for your deployment.

The anatomy of the perfect break-up text

This template works because it’s straightforward, leaves no room for ambiguity and doesn’t drag things out longer than necessary. It's got the foundations you need. Then, you can build it up or peel it back based on the depth of your interactions. Here’s the breakdown:

#1. Start with a greeting or throwback

Keep it simple. "Hey [Name]," works just fine. Absolutely no "Dear [Name]," you're not writing a breakup letter, and they’ll smell a rat. You can beef it up with a question about their day or something they had coming up. But you don’t want to start a dialogue; it’s just a simple throwaway line. 

#2. Gratitude followed by flattery

Next, jump into acknowledging your shared time together with gratitude, “Thanks so much for [insert your last activity.]” If the depth of your interaction permits, add some nice adjectives about them. It’s all about warming them up before dropping the “but,”

• “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but…”
• “It was so great to grab a drink, however...”
• “You’re so upbeat and generous, unfortunately...”

The anatomy of the perfect break-up text. Image: Pexels

#3. Get to the point, kindly and honestly

This isn't a memoir or about you (right now). It’s about gently letting the other person down. Don’t waste time with “I’ve been doing some thinking,” because you don’t need to affirm your decision, and you won’t win brownie points for your suffering over the decision. You're not the victim. Here are a few ways to deliver the break-up blow.  

• “But I’m not feeling a deeper connection here.”
• “However, I don’t see this progressing further between us,”
• “Unfortunately, I’m not feeling a romantic connection.”

#4. End on a positive note

Whether this was one date or three, you still decided to be there in the first place, so don’t express resentment in the message.Leave them with something good to hold onto or a reminder that you took something from the encounter. “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you” or “I wish you all the best” wraps it up nicely.

#5. Friend opt-in

If you genuinely mean it, you can add an enthusiastic line about friendship: “I’d definitely be open to a friendship if you are.” It shouldn’t be a throwaway line to relieve yourself of guilt. 

If you genuinely mean it, you can add an enthusiastic line about friendship. Image: Pexels

The template in action

After one date:

“Thanks so much for the drinks the other night. It was so thoughtful of you to choose [place], knowing I love their signature cocktails. But I didn't feel a deeper connection between us. I hope you enjoy the game this weekend and wish you all the best.

After 2-5 dates:

I’m not here to judge, but I’ve capped it at five dates before a phone call is warranted. Of course, that’s up to your interpretation.

"[Name], it’s been so great getting to know you better. You are so upbeat, creative, and generous, and I appreciate you showing me your favourite spots around [city]. Unfortunately, I don't feel things are progressing further for me. If you're interested in a friendship, I'd absolutely be open to it, but if not, I wholeheartedly wish you the best with [activity] and [plans]."

After five dates, you need to pick up the phone. Image: iStock

What to avoid

Now that you’ve got the build-a-breakup template, let’s talk about what you should avoid: 

#1. Blaming

Avoid making them feel like it’s all their fault or making a laundry list of their red flags. They won’t suddenly change because you laid it out so clearly in a text. Keep the ending clean and unemotional, block, move on, and report any suspicious or threatening behaviour.

#2. Vagueness

Don’t leave them guessing. Be clear about your decision. This isn't a discussion. It’s an ending.

#3. The word “spark”

Try to avoid the word spark – it's polarising. You want your message to be in basic language, with no jargon, and especially no divisive terminology people love or hate. 

Whatever comes next, you won't be able to control, but as long as you speak your truth clearly and concisely, you might be shocked at how positive a response you get to your message because that is how rare that is. But take it as a win!

Originally published as The foolproof break-up text for early-stage dating