Melbourne court sprays: Judge and magistrate’s top blasts

Dealing with the “world’s dumbest” crooks often leaves our judicial officers dumbfounded. Relive some of their tongue lashings.

Dealing with the “world’s dumbest” crooks often leaves our judicial officers dumbfounded. See some of the tongue lashings to go down in Melbourne’s courtrooms.

“DRUG-ADDLED, LONELY OLD MEN”

Footage of County Court Judge Liz Gaynor went viral after she slammed Tony Mokbel’s jailhouse attackers on June 3 last year.

Judge Gaynor said Teira Bennett, 21, and Eldea Teuira, 22, were not heroes and would “end up drug-addled lonely old men” if they continued their violent criminal ways as she jailed the pair for 10 years.

The court heard the attack with three shivs — one made by sharpened wire, the other a fork — was to assert the dominance of the G-Fam group of Pacific Islander inmates in the prison system.

Judge Gaynor told the duo she had seen so many young men like them go off the rails and it was up to them to change their paths, saying G-Fam would not be there for them on their release.

“You may think you are heroes, standing up for G-Fam the way you did on this occasion,” she said.

“The only reason you are getting any attention is because it was Tony Mokbel.

“When you are 40, you see what G-Fam and the bros do for you. You will end up drug-addled lonely old men.”

Teira Bennett was one of two men who set upon Tony Mokbel at Barwon Prison.

“POSSIBLY THE WORLD’S DUMBEST CRIMINAL”

Movie-star magistrate Costas Kilias called a Carrum Downs career crook “possibly the world’s dumbest criminal” after another series of offending fails.

Magistrate Kilias said Bryce Christopher Lovatt — who has been on 11 community corrections or similar orders — was “one of life’s pinballs, just bouncing around”, always ending up in trouble and perhaps he “should consider a career change”.

Mr Kilias said Lovatt was “just very bad at this”, and like David Wenham in the comedy crime caper Gettin’ Square he never got away with anything.

Lovatt, who has a shocking driving, drug, theft, burglary and assault-related offending history, faced Dandenong Magistrates’ Court again on Tuesday.

Mr Kilias told Lovatt he hoped for his sake his future mirrored the ending of Gettin’ Square.

“When I was listening to the (police) summaries it was him (the Wenham character), an aimless pinball,” Mr Kilias said.

“But this is not a movie for you, this is your life.”

Lovatt copped a mouthful in the courtroom.

“GO TO BED, READ A BOOK”

A man who hit a car while being chased through Preston and Bundoora had been before the courts so much a magistrate was left with little options what to do with him.

Magistrate Meagan Keogh left crim Peter Doxas with some advice: “Go to bed, read a book’’.

The dangerous driver was released from jail on the condition he stay inside his mum’s house at night after driving a stolen Hyundai on the wrong side of the road, running numerous red lights and colliding with a 4WD less than four months after he was released from jail.

Magistrate Keogh said the situation was “getting a bit ridiculous” when Doxas pleaded guilty to charges in the Heidelberg Magistrates’ Court on June 9 last year.

She noted a lot of Doxas’ crimes occurred at night, and in the northern suburbs.

“You need to just be at home,” she said.

“It’s about also just being stable and developing a new routine.”

“If it’s 10.30pm or 11pm, go to bed, read a book.”

“DISGUSTING”

A Southbank party girl shocked Magistrate Rose Falla after her “disgusting” actions traumatised a nightclub security guard.

Harare Sheridan, 24, spat in a guard’s face at Crown Casino after she was escorted from the dancefloor for being too intoxicated on February 2 last year.

The Melbourne Magistrates’ Court heard after arguing with the bouncer and trying to get back inside, the young woman spat in the man’s face and yelled, “I have HIV,” before her sister hit him in the face.

In a hearing last week Magistrate Falla said she had been left speechless that someone would degrade another person in that way.

“There are people sadly like you … the fact that someone spits, I think, is not only disgusting, but it is so degrading,” Ms Falla said.

“I’m really quite speechless that people still behave in a way that is just deplorable.

“People should be able to go out and have a good night, not be exposed to your conduct and your behaviour.”

“MORE PRIORS THAN YOU’VE HAD BIRTHDAYS”

An alcoholic with “more pages of priors than she has had birthdays” was warned by Magistrate Guillaume Bailin to stay off the booze or she’ll end up dead.

Berwick woman Tania Weatherley was just 28 but had a 33-page rap sheet for drinking, driving and violence-related offending.

Weatherley faced the Dandenong Magistrates’ Court again in November last year while in her eighth month sober, pleading guilty to drug possession and court order breach charges.

Magistrate Bailin said the two offences were low level and a massive de-escalation of the types of crimes she had been committing.

He said it was pleasing to hear that she was getting the help she needed.

“You have more pages of priors than you have had birthdays,” Magistrate Bailin said.

“You have been so close to killing yourself by drinking … if you continue you will likely end up in hospital with life-threatening conditions.

“Keep doing what you are doing, and stay off the alcohol … and you’ll be alive to see your children grow up.”

“SHE’S NOT THE VICTIM”

A woman who crashed into two police cars after driving at 121km/h on three wheels was slammed by Magistrate Justin Foster and told to stop playing the victim.

Serial crim Simone Vella, 34, was given a scathing serve in the Melbourne Magistrates’ Court last November after crashing into police six months’ prior.

Magistrate Foster jailed Vella for 245 days, claiming he didn’t know else to make her understand she needed to become a functioning member of the community.

He said Vella kept coming to court “complaining of being the victim”, referencing an incident when she was stabbed at a party as a teenager as the cause of her crimes.

But he questioned how much impact an incident more than 15 years ago could have on her now.

Mr Foster urged Vella to end her “life of crime” and be with her young child.

“Ms Vella needs to understand that she’s not the victim,” he said.

“You seem to be thriving on the indulgence of society’s understanding.”

Vella seriously tested the patience of the courts.

“CUT AND PASTE JOB”

County Court Judge Michael Tinney teed off on psychologists in 2019, saying courts could place less weight on their reports after he received a “cut and paste job” with someone else’s name on it.

Judge Tinney’s jab at psychologists’ “shortcomings” in their process came while sentencing a dodgy KFC manager.

“I’ve expressed as I have on countless occasions over the last six months my concern that psychologists are now, it would seem, routinely using video links to conduct assessments,” he said.

“It really shouldn’t be happening, and ordinarily that factor, I think, would reduce the weight that any court could place on the report.”

Judge Tinney, while sentencing drug trafficker Robert Olczyc, lashed a psychologist who used “careless language” in a report.

According to Judge Tinney, the psychologist saw the offender only once and just two days before his plea.

“Heaven knows what he is doing raising the issue of a corrections order in a case such as this as he does in his written report,” Judge Tinney said.

“Nor am I particularly impressed by the cut and paste job in paragraph 7.5.”