Toorak Tales: Stepford wife in bondage on social media hook-up site
It’s all gone a bit batsh*t crazy in blue chip heartland with the now not-so-young Liberals from Toorak to Malvern East all agog at the grubby WhatsApp messages doing the rounds. And, of course, we’d share them with you.
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Dear, oh dear. Victorian Liberal party members, just can’t keep their members in.
Just to be clear, we ARE talking about toffy trouser snakes.
Our Libs have been licking their wounds ever since former Victorian Liberal Party leader and Lord Mayor Robert “Oily Doyley” Doyle’s proclivity for a saucy double entendre and copping a feel was exposed, bringing sexual harassment claims against him.
But lockdown can bring out the best and worst of us and frankly my dear it’s all gone a bit bat-shit crazy in blue chip heartland and we are not talking about being in the Wuhan soup.
The now not-so-young Libs from Toorak to Malvern East are all agog at the grubby WhatsApp messages doing the rounds all the way to Page 13’s inbox.
This week was the one about the wife of a prominent candidate looking for “something casual” and no we not talking about an au pair.
A photo of this Stepford wife appears on social media hook-up site, Bumble Date.
Wearing pigtails and a bondage dog collar (not to mention clipped leash!) her profile boasts a postgraduate degree, being a non-smoker, having er dogs, and is up for “something casual.”
We’ve always maintained different strokes for different folks. But a collar with leash is a far cry from wearing a blue tie.
Our Tories are panting!
To be fair, it’s no secret the more outwardly conservative are, well, pent-up and get their kinky fetish on behind firmly closed doors.
Just look at the Poms!
A lady of the night once whispered she always knew if one of her Johns was a politician because they had one particular sexual peccadillo in common.
Any further details are too far below the belt, even for this column.
We digress.
Back to naughty Liberal Party schoolboys.
Airing dirty laundry in the form of screenshot text messages for all to see is becoming quite the practice of scorned wives.
Which is exactly what a fed-up and heavily pregnant wife of a Victorian Liberal Party lobbyist did.
But back to the Poms and memories of Tampaxgate. The Camilla tapes, came to mind when reading the lengthy What’s App messages between the two lovers.
“Oh, Bunny don’t cry,” was one line at the end of the affair, “I want to be kissing the eyes and the tears.” Long lunches where intimacies were aired have caused much conservative consternation at G-and-T time.
Our once liberal-minded wife finally had enough. And no wonder, with words of longing like: “I have never felt the way I feel about you with anyone else. And I know that I never will.”
No longer prepared to “forgive and forget” or “turn the other cheek”, husband has got the boot from the family home.
Our Liberal Party member is in the doghouse, but still whining about the sanctity of marriage. He’s even on the board of a marriage counselling service. Stones. Glass houses.
Yours in Liberalism,
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