Page 13: The Toorak playbook for divorcing a philandering husband

Marital revenge in Toorak isn’t best served cold, but comes in the form of some burly, topless waiters more than happy to indulge in some extra hours work.

The latest trend in divorces among the well heeled is to throwing a big whopping party.

Every now and then we can’t resist dipping over to our favourite 3142 postcode to enlighten you on how the other side live.

Because the exploits of the privileged and powerful guests of TV series White Lotus have nothing on the goings on behind the gated walls of Toorak.

Who could forget the pearler of a punchline given to Page 13 from one of the indignant Aspen crew who was finger pointed as patient zero after helping spread the coronavirus across Melbourne.

Their reply when returning home from their lavish ski trip party and blatantly flouting quarantine rules: “If we lived in Box Hill and I’d been to Bali no one would care would they?”

Or how about the time when Page 13 was sent a feisty legal letter without even having put pen to paper. The Toorak Maserati driving alpha male was alarmed we were going to name them. It didn’t stop us from going into the sordid details about how bikies kidnapped the mouthy bravado Lothario, only for him to wake up in a room covered in plastic with men in balaclavas threatening to cut his beloved pecker off.

Speaking of peckers.

Still making toffs squirm over their Aperol Spritz was the one about the Toorak boys trip that went awry. Their travails were not just causing headaches but a case of the creepy-crawlies, when the husbands returned home and gave all their wives an STD.

The gents on the Toorak boys trip brought home more than just hangovers.

While we are at it Page 13 now hears the latest drug of choice in 3142 isn’t just valiums or Melbourne’s overly inflated cocaine. No the latest high, is sneakily popping the kids ADHD pills when no one is looking. Less mess, no obvious sniffing and an appetite suppressant all in one! Winning!

We digress.

The latest one doing the rounds isn’t about the lads at all, but about the single ladies.

Seems revenge in Toorak isn’t best served cold, but comes in the form of some burly, topless waiters more than happy to indulge in some extra hours work.

There was not much surprise when one of 3142’s biggest mansions recently went on the market given the husband’s wandering eye – and pecker – reputation.

But what happened next should be the Toorak playbook on how to divorce your husband.

The latest trend with divorces on the rise, is to throwing a big whopping party to celebrate.

And what better place to chink French champagne to getting rid of the philanderer than throwing a big bash at your $20 million plus marital home.

No expense was spared and we hear the divorce party attendees engaged in some pole dancing (and some) with the male strippers hired for the bash.

The night was considered an all time banger. But here’s the clincher. The soon to be ex wife than sent her tale between his legs husband (and no doubt plenty else) the five figure party bill to cover.

They don’t call it a first wives’ club for nothing.

*Footnote. The morale of this story and a maxim to live by: Never date a DJ.