How Mick Molloy’s best mate’s cancer diagnosis rocked his world

Mick Molloy always thought his best mate would be by his side “forever”, so when Darren Chow received a grim cancer prognosis, the news was an “absolute body blow”.

Mick Molloy with his best mate, cancer survivor Darren Chow and Phil Dundee. Picture: Mark Stewart

Doctors gave Darren Chow five years to live.

He was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and had three options: surgery to remove the cancer, chemotherapy, or a slow but certain demise.

Initially, and inexplicably, Chow, 55, who works as a postman, chose death.

“It’s pretty traumatic when a doctor tells you you’ve got Jack the Dancer,” Chow said.

“He told me, ‘If you do nothing, you’ll have a good five years, maybe you can stretch it out to 10.’ And I’ve gone, ‘All right, at my age, I’ll take that option.’

“I’m 55. I’ll retire, take the five years, and that’ll be it. Sixty is a good hit.

“Then I had to tell my partner,” Chow added, quietly. “She was absolutely devastated that I contemplated not doing anything.”

There was family history. His father had his prostate removed 15 years ago, and warned his son: “Don’t get the surgery, or you’ll be a monk. You’ve got a beautiful partner. What are you gonna do, just stare at her?”

The monk reference alluded to common beliefs the post-op side effects include erectile dysfunction. But prostate cancer treatment has come a long way.

Mick Molloy and Darren Chow at the MCG.

Somehow, a work friend talked Chow out of his decision, and referred him to Tony Costello, a prostate specialist who uses robot-assisted surgery to perform prostatectomies, and urologist Phil Dundee, clinical director at the Australian Prostate Centre.

“Oh, for God’s sake, don’t listen to your father,” the friend implored. “If you don’t have the surgery, and have the cancer removed, you’ll die. Very soon.”

To those nearest and dearest to him, including broadcaster Mick Molloy, his best friend for almost 50 years, Chow kept his condition secret.

Molloy said: “We were watching footy in a bar one day and he casually turned to me and said, ‘I’ve got cancer’. It was an absolute body blow.

“I couldn’t quite process it. I was rocked.

“We’re the same age, and it never occurred to me, I never took it seriously that cancer is a possibility for us.

“I was upset because we’ve been through a lot of s--- together. I always thought, ‘We’re gonna do this forever’, then all of a sudden, there’s a punch in the face. You start to re-examine what’s important, where you’ve come from, and how do we get through it.”

Still, Chow was reticent to tell his full circle of mates.

“I asked Chowy for permission, ‘I’d like to tell your friends because they would love to be part of this, and help you’,” Molloy says.

“I didn’t get the green light, but I just went, ‘F--- it!’ and told everyone.

“I said, ‘You’re being selfish, you’re being a dick’. It shouldn’t be an isolating thing. We, as men, love our mates and value friendships. This is the time we should get around each other.”

Dr Dundee said: “A lot of male identity is wrapped up in sexual function. When you get a diagnosis where the prevailing opinion is, once you get treated for prostate cancer, you no longer have sexual function, that is very intimidating. It’s not like you want to go and tell everyone.”

Mick Molloy and Darren Chow (fourth and fifth back row) in their school cricket team.

Molloy and Chow bonded instantly when they met, aged 10, at school. Molloy had moved from Canberra to Melbourne and immediately saw a kindred spirit.

Chow is the reason Molloy, a certified Tigers tragic, barracks for Richmond. He is also godfather to Molloy’s sons, Lenny and Fred.

“We still go to the football every weekend together, and that’s as long a lifetime friendship as I’ve had,” Molloy said.

“Chowy has been in every part of my life since grade 5. There’s nothing without him.

“We played footy, we played cricket, we’ve travelled overseas. If I had to pick one person in the world to go into the trenches with, who I trusted with my life, it would be this man here.

“My father once said, and I appreciate this now, ‘I’d dig a ditch for a living if I was surrounded by good people’.

“We were kids that sat together at primary school, but our lives have taken very different shapes. I work on film, TV and radio, and have done for 30 years, but my best friends are largely not from that world. My best friend is a postie. Four of my close friends are publicans.

“At the end of the day,” Molloy added, looking earnestly at Chow, “when you do finally die, and it won’t be from this stupid disease, the only thing you’ll value your life on is not how much money you made, or what you’ve done, but the group of people gathered around you saying, ‘We care for you’.”

Dr Dundee performed the surgery, removed the cancer, and gave Chow the all-clear.

He said Chow’s decision to get a prostate specific antigen (PSA) test, essentially a simple blood test, led to the diagnosis that eventually saved his life.

Mick Molloy with Darren Chow and their mates.

Chow and Molloy are sharing their stories to support RULE Prostate Cancer’s National Legends Day fundraiser on Sunday – Father’s Day.

It involves buying a “Legendary” bucket hat (costing $20 from ruleprostatecancer.org.au) to protect the legends in our lives; dads, grandfathers, uncles, brothers and mates.

It is also important for men to get tested regularly for prostate cancer, especially if there is a family history with the disease.

Sixty men die from prostate cancer every week in Australia. Early detection can save lives.

All money from the Legends Day fundraiser will go towards research for diagnosis and individualised treatments at the Australian Prostate Clinic.

Chow says he feels good after his cancer journey.

“I’m fine, I’m normal, I’m back to being me,” he said.

They celebrated – 12 mates – at the Flower Drum with a long lunch that turned into dinner, and beyond.

Molloy laughs: “One of my favourite days was when Chowy rang and said, ‘I got my first stiffy!’

“It was the unsaid question. Everyone was curious, ‘What the f--- does this mean in the bedroom? I actually offered to push his bottom up and down while he makes love.”

Dr Dundee smiled, and said dryly: “If cancer doesn’t cause erectile dysfunction, that will.”