How a heroic Melbourne jokester played a toilet paper panic-buyer
A Melbourne legend has given an opportunistic toilet paper salesman — shamelessly asking for $99 for a single roll — the ultimate bum steer. Here’s how his hilarious efforts unfolded.
Confidential
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A Melbourne legend has given an opportunistic toilet paper salesman — shamelessly asking for $99 for a single roll — the ultimate bum steer.
In a classic post-by-post unravelling, Melbourne man Jack Gibson hooked the dunny roll entrepreneur with a simple question: “Is this still available?”
“Yes,” the seller replied on Facebook Marketplace.
Jack: “Can you deliver?”
“Yes.”
“All good. I can deliver around 4.30pm.”
Jack gave the seller an address on Burwood Highway for the delivery to take place earlier today.
“Would you buy it then?”
“Yes, that’s fine”
“All good Jack. I will see you at 4.30 then. Please keep cash ready.”
Jack sent the seller a thumbs up emoji, then sweetened the deal with a picture of hand clutching a crispy $100 bill.
“Mate,” he told the seller, “I only have a note. Make sure you bring the change.”
“I will try, bud. Let’s make it $100. Easy.”
“Will be there by 4.30. Actually, will be there in 15 minutes.”
“Even better. I have to be somewhere at 5.”
“Where do I have to come. Is it a house?”
“Can you see the Waste Centre? The rubbish tip,” Jack asked the seller.
“Yes.”
With the seller at the dump, looking to unload his $100 loo paper, Jack unleashed: “That is where your behaviour belongs. In the trash. You should be ashamed of yourself taking advantage of the community like this.
He added: “I won’t be coming to buy your toilet paper and when you drive home, after having wasted your time, have a good hard think about what kind of human you want to be. There are two types of people in the world at a time like this.
“A parasite feeding off the desperate and scared,” Jack continued, “or the decent. Be someone who supports and adds value to the community.”
It was a mic drop moment, but the sound of a flushing toilet would’ve been more apt.
Confidential has verified that Jack’s posts were legitimate.
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