Parenting teens two at a time: What it’s really like raising twin boys

"Keeping the fridge stocked for one teen is challenging, but two teen boys? $$$."

“Bruh, we’re out of milk!” one of my twin boys yells, frowning as he shoves the cereal box back into the cupboard.

The massive grocery haul I’d just done was supposed to last us a fortnight.

“I guess I’ll make jaffles instead,” he calls as he raids the fridge and puts every filling possible into his ready-to-explode toasted sandwiches.

It's been precisely one hour since we had a roast dinner. With dessert.

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Keeping the fridge stocked for one teen is challenging, but two teen boys?

It's an impossible task as they eat like elephants.

Welcome to life with teen twins. 

Where they need to fill their hollow legs with cheese, meat and cereal in vast quantities almost constantly while somehow managing to stay as skinny as bean poles.

As a mum of teen twins, I find myself asking so many questions (and it’s not just: How is the fridge empty, again?).

Karen's family. Image: Supplied

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"What’s that smell?"

The bedroom of a teenage boy has a very specific aroma.

It doesn’t matter how much air freshener you use, or how long you leave the window open; that musty, sweaty teenage boy scent seems to seep into the carpet and furnishings.

How does nothing ever fit?

It doesn’t matter how often I buy them new clothes; nothing seems to fit for longer than ten minutes. They just keep growing up and up.

What are they talking about?

“Bro, I’m NGL, that was a fire game. I’m gonna go AFK to touch grass. Welp, cya.”

Understanding teen language is like learning Latin.

The irony is that when it comes to texting (with me, at least) they are men of few words. ‘K’ is a full sentence. 

Karen's family. Image: Supplied

"Where is all the hot water?"

I have to nag them to take a shower constantly, but when they finally get in, getting them out is near impossible.

They use ALL of the hot water, and they only get out when we start banging on the door like there is an emergency.

How is there so much laundry?

The laundry basket was always full when I had toddlers, but teenagers take changing clothes to a whole new level.

They literally have to look at an item of clothing for about two seconds and it ends up in the laundry.

Or cast onto the floor where it inevitably gets scooped into the laundry when we can no longer see the bedroom carpet.

Sometimes the clean laundry that was left on their bed ready to be put away ends up BACK in the laundry basket so they can avoid actually putting it away for a little longer.

Where have all of the glasses and plates gone?

Whenever we’re running short of anything in the kitchen, I know it’s because there is a stack in their bedrooms.

Empty glasses, plates, dishes… They have a knack for ignoring the growing pile until we have nothing left in the cupboards.

The worst is old, congealed smoothie glasses that look ready to sprout legs.

Gross.

Karen's boys. Image: Supplied

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"Where do all the missing socks go?"

I feel like we buy new packs of socks all the time.

Yet there are never any pairs to be found.

I find single socks all over the place, but finding a pair is like hunting a unicorn.

How hard can it be to keep a pair of socks together?

Why do they need to talk to their mates again?

Not only do they want to hang out with their friends ALL THE TIME, but after they’ve spent a full day with them they come home and jump on Discord calls for hours on end.

What do they have left to talk about?

How did these two babies grow into such funny, charming, cheeky, kind teens?

Aside from all of the craziness, I find myself wondering over and over how this even happened.

How did we get here?

From endless dirty nappies to two talented, handsome, smart, kind young men?

I somehow blinked and hit the fast forward button but I just want things to slow down as this phase right here is pretty damn perfect. 

Loving life with teen boys

This is life with a pair of teenage boys.

So long as I keep the fridge well-stocked, remind them constantly to shower and put on deodorant, and make sure they actually go to bed at night instead of staring at screens, I know I’ll survive (and mostly enjoy) these crazy years.

All too soon these boys will be grown up and I’ll miss this chaos that sometimes drives me to the brink of insanity.

Originally published as Parenting teens two at a time: What it’s really like raising twin boys