'At least you're done now!' The most useless comments parents of twins hear

"My usual response was to nod at smile, but one time, I couldn't help it."

People seem to forget - the choice of my family size is personal, and I’m pretty sure strangers don’t get a say in it.

But when you have twins, something surprising happens: suddenly, you're the centre of attention.

'Neighbours, strangers on the street, and even shop assistants, all suddenly feel entitled to share their thoughts on your family and parenting choices.

It's as if having twins flips a switch, making your family fair game for unsolicited advice and opinions.

Looking back, I can see the funny side in some of the remarks people made - but when you’re in the thick of sleep deprivation and endless nappy changes, it’s not so funny.

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“At least you’re done now!”

One of the most common comments I heard was: “At least you’re done now!” The idea behind this seems to be that having two kids is the perfect number, so why consider having more? 

Just as nobody should ask a kid-free woman when she’s going to have kids; people need to stop imposing their own thoughts on other people’s family size.

I certainly knew that I wasn’t done after having my twin boys – I always wanted at least three kids. Having twins just helped me get there faster!

I never knew how to respond to this comment as I didn’t want to get into a discussion about my future family plans with a complete stranger, so more often than not I would just nod and smile. 

Image: Supplied

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“You have your hands full!”

This classic remark is one I heard multiple times a day.

And of course, it was very true. With two tiny babies, my hands, arms and even my sanity were fully occupied!

How does commenting to state this fact offer any value?

If you said, “you have your hands full, let me help!” that turns it around into something useful and practical. 

But alas, most of the time it was just a useless observation with no substance. 

“Are they natural?” 

This is another oddly personal question that people seem comfortable asking parents of twins. 

I used to wonder if the stranger on the street really wanted me to go into details about exactly how my babies were conceived and born.

What sort of answer were they expecting? And why did it even matter?  

“My daughter’s, friend’s, sister’s niece just had twins!”

Great for your daughter’s friend’s sister’s niece!

I do admit that if you live in a small community, parents of twins tend to connect and know one another as the best support you’ll receive is from another parent of twins – but usually the person they’re telling you about has zero connection to you or where you live. 

Karen and her family. Source: Supplied

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“They don’t look alike!” 

People were genuinely surprised when my twins didn’t look identical, as if the only way to have twins is for them to be exact copies.

What can you say, non-identical twins aren’t supposed to look identical – the clue is in the name!

Ironically, as they got a little older, people DID think they looked identical and then they would argue with me that I’d got it wrong – you can’t win! 

But I'd always set them right.

"I have two kids close together in age – it’s similar having twins"

Another frequently heard comment, usually from well-meaning parents with young children, was that having kids close in age was basically the same as having twins.

Trust me, it’s not.

It may be tough, but it’s not the same.

There’s something unique about trying to wrangle two newborns simultaneously, each with the same needs, at the same developmental stage.

Unless you’ve lived through it, it’s hard to understand the difference. Two close together in age brings with it a whole heap of different challenges but it’s not the same. 

The truth about unsolicited advice

As a parent of twins, you get used to people chiming in with advice, opinions and fascinating facts about twins that they’ve picked up somewhere.

And yes, it’s strange, sometimes irritating, but mostly it is harmless. 

In the end, people don’t mean to be annoying.

They’re just fascinated as seeing two babies at once is fairly unusual.

Sometimes they just don’t know what to say, so they end up going for the easiest, most obvious things that comes into their head – without considering if it’s helpful, or if you’ve already heard it a hundred times that day. 

As a twin parent, I’ve learned to smile, nod and let comments roll off my back.

After all, as my boys are older now these comments have become silly memories to laugh about and stories to write about!

Originally published as 'At least you're done now!' The most useless comments parents of twins hear