‘Am I addicted to self pleasure if I do it every day?’

A 26-year-old single woman has confessed to a daily habit she has in place of a partner – and it turns out it’s a good thing.

Welcome to Relationship Rehab, news.com.au’s weekly column solving all your romantic problems, no holds barred.

This week, our resident sexologist Isiah McKimmie explains whether you can masturbate too much.

Question: How much is too much masturbation? I’m a 26-year-old single woman without much of a sex life so rely on masturbation to keep me entertained. I used to do it once or twice a week but since I bought a new vibrator it’s been so much more frequent – maybe even once or twice a day! My friend says I’m getting “addicted” and need to ration it. Is it an issue if I don’t think it is?

Answer: This is a great question. I first want to acknowledge you for being so open about your sexuality and self-pleasure!

There’s a common misconception that women don’t really enjoy sexual pleasure or have high libidos. But women can enjoy sex and masturbation – we can also have high libidos.

Masturbation is a normal human behaviour. There are many benefits to masturbating, including stress relief, being able to discover what you like and improved sleep, but there are also times when it can become problematic.

How often is it normal to masturbate?

There really is no ‘normal’ for frequency of masturbation.

How often someone masturbates depends on many factors. Some people, like yourself, frequently masturbate daily or even twice a day. Other people will masturbate far less often and some, not at all.

There is no ‘normal’ frequency to masturbation.

Frequency of masturbation can also fluctuate throughout someone’s life. For example, some people notice an increase in masturbation when they’re stressed and others will feel like it’s the last thing on their mind. Some people continue to masturbate when they’re in a relationship and others will notice a decline. All of this is normal.

The frequency of once or even twice a day that you describe isn’t alarming to me – especially given you have a fun new toy to play with.

What defines a masturbation addiction?

There’s a lot of debate around whether masturbation addiction, sex addiction and even pornography addiction even exist. There is no clinical definition of ‘masturbation addiction’.

However, there are certainly many reports of people feeling like their masturbation, particularly while viewing pornography is detrimental and something they can’t control.

When does masturbation become problematic?

While masturbation is normal and healthy, there are times when it can become problematic.

Much of what causes people distress around masturbation is a feeling that what they’re doing is wrong and a feeling of shame around it. I want to stress that there’s absolutely no need to feel shame around masturbation.

Excessive masturbation can become a problem however, when it starts impacting your daily functioning or your relationships.

There’s no need to feel shame around masturbation.

Some people may notice skipping work because they stayed up late masturbating (and usually watching pornography as well) or that masturbation consumes their thoughts when they should be doing other things.

Masturbation can also become problematic when it impacts our sex life with someone else. For example, we can become so used to masturbating with pornography that we can’t get turned on without it. Or we might become accustomed to bringing ourselves to climax in a particular way, but then can’t have an orgasm during partnered sex.

If you haven’t noticed any of these issues occurring, I wouldn’t be worried about your masturbation habits.

Can you get addicted to a vibrator?

There’s no clinical evidence to support the idea that we can get ‘addicted’ to a vibrator.

However, some women do report that they lose sensation when using a vibrator frequently and that it becomes more difficult to have an orgasm with a partner.

If you do notice this, don’t worry – it isn’t permanent. Change up your vibrator for using your hands sometimes or include your vibrator in couples play.

Is your masturbation a problem?

Right now, it sounds to me like you’re happy exploring self pleasure with your new toy. I’m not concerned at all by the frequency of your masturbation.

If you do notice that it starts impacting your daily life or that you’re unable to get turned on or reach orgasm with a partner, then you may need to take steps to reduce it.

Otherwise, enjoy yourself!

Isiah McKimmie is a Couples Therapist, Sexologist, Sex Therapist and Lecturer. To book a session with her, visit her website or follow her on Instagram for more advice on relationships, sex and intimacy. If you have a question for Isiah fill out the form below.

Originally published as ‘Am I addicted to self pleasure if I do it every day?’