Single in Sydney: Sarah gets some tips from Wendy Newman who found love after 121 speedy first dates

SINGLE in Sydney’s Sarah finds a woman who’s been on even more dates than her — and gets her top tips for finding love slightly faster than she did.

• Sarah sees a psychic who describes the man she’s going to meet
• Kim Cattrall gives Single in Sydney’s Sarah some dating tips
• Sarah’s on a man-ban after a dating disaster

JOURNALIST Sarah Swain has been single for longer than she cares to remember. So to bring hope to others she’s sharing her no-holds-barred adventures every week.

121 DATES LADY

BELIEVE it or not, I’m not the only person with a love life more tragic than the fact those new Nutella burgers are only on sale in Italy.

Divorcee Wendy Newman, 49, from San Francisco went on no less than 121 first dates before finding love (She’d been married before and was divorced).

ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY ONE. Yes.

And believe it or not, I’ve not been on THAT many. Honestly.

I reckon my number must be around ... hmmm ... 50?

Dating expert Wendy Newman who penned 121 First Dates

Anyway, after reading Newman’s book on her long love hunt, called simply 121 First Dates — which is probably the best dating book on my (groaning) shelf — I gave her a call.

And here are her tips on dating if, like me, you’ve been in it for the long haul.

1. Don’t give up

Newman said she nearly gave up “a million times over.”

She advised getting some “dating buddies” — positive fellow singletons, to help keep you upbeat, for example, when you arrange a date with a doctor for Friday night, and when you don’t hear from him you text to confirm. He agrees it’s still on, and so you ask where — he says maybe somewhere outside after work, and you suggest Opera bar.

And then, he never replies so you’re forced to spend Friday night at home with the cat. Yes this happened last week.

Or, to comfort you if you have a date like one of Newman’s, with man who insisted on going to watch her pole dancing after having drinks (in a hobby way, not a seedy one) and then she looked down and saw him COMPLETELY NAKED.

“I think one of the biggest pieces of advice I could give you is don’t stop,” she said.

“Don’t trick yourself to thinking you’re further away, or failing.”

Dating expert Wendy Newman’s book

2. Forget those who don’t call

I went on a great date the other week. The guy was a Brit with his own business, slightly older than me, decent looking (though balding) and we had a good chat over drinks at Quay Bar.

When he arrived, he even ordered a bottle of Prosecco for us, instead of a glass (Though my friend Kylie said he should have ordered Champagne so wasn’t such a decent bloke after all).

I thought we’d bonded over our common love of watching British telly.

But I never heard from him again.

Newman knows the feeling well.

“With the ones I really liked, it’s heartbreaking even if it’s a first date and then they don’t call,” she told me.

“One of the best things that had me being able to stay out there was, I did a real conscious job of staying focused on what was working. Don’t put any attention on the past.”

3. Yes, some people have all the luck

My mate in London was single for just a few months and had been on a handful of tinder dates before declaring she’d found a man.

She’s now travelling South East Asia with him before they move in together.

It’s SO unfair. Newman agrees

Her partner Dave was on his very first online date after getting divorced when they met.

He’d been online for just 36 hours.

“I just wanted to smack him,” she laughed. “They’re just lucky.”

One, two, three four, twenty seven, twenty eight ... I’ve lost count how many first dates I’ve been on.

4. Do message men

It’s fine to reach out to a man you fancy, said Newman. But don’t just talk about how they look.

“If you really want to, come from a place of ‘I think you’re an interesting person.’ she advised.

“What’s creepy is when we objectify people.”

5. Do Tinder

“I love tinder!” declared Wendy. “I know everyone thinks its superficial, and it is, but it gets people off the couch.

“It works really well for the male brain, it’s like a video game and there’s a ton of men on there and that works for you.”

True. And I’ve said it before, but many men just want to message. Forever. Luckily it’s easy to weed them out.

This week a guy who I gave my number to — to arrange a drink — started messaging me random photos from his weekend away camping.

When I actually found out who these random photos were from, I said it was nice to hear from him, but I wasn’t into texting, and to let me know if he wanted to go for a drink.

I mean, I had a pen pal when I was 10, I don’t want another.

He replied “Wow thanks for your honesty.”

And I never heard from him again.

6. Growing pains

“Men can grow on us but we don’t really grow on them,” said Newman, which is probably one of the truest dating statements I’ve heard this year.

Then there was the builder, then there was the one who took me to K Mart, then there was that one ...

7. I’m in my prime

Newman dated from the age of 35 to 45, and said I’m at the best age to find somebody.

“I think that there are cycles for when people are single- from a sheer numbers perspective,” she said.

“In hindsight, if I’d have been really smart when I got my divorce at 35, I should have lost a bunch of weight and started really hitting it. I would have been able to pick up the men who hadn’t married yet, and the newly divorced guy who married young.

“By the time I hit 42 I was in a middle spot. And then it picks up again around 50 as the kids leave the house and they can leave too ...”

8. You don’t need to work on yourself any more

I meet lots of dating couches and I’m constantly being told I need to “work on myself.”

And I have done.

But I don’t feel I need to pay $2000 to go on a weekend retreat to do it any more (that’s how much one of them was charging).

Newman agreed, saying: “it’s crap.”

I’d actually like to suggest some men need to do some work to help them realise if they’re 54 and overweight and send a message saying “You want to do dinner movie, text xxxx.” they’re probably not going to get a date.

9. You’re not too old

A friend I haven’t seen for ages met me for a drink recently, and brought along a male pal.

We got to talking about dating, and he declared that if I want to meet somebody I absolutely must change my age on tinder, as no man in his 30s wants to date a 35 year-old because we all just want husbands and kids (not true).

I didn’t like this much. Neither did Newman.

“It’s not true,” she told me. “I’ve done tons of interviews with men and it’s crap!

Details: For more details on Wendy, including her online dating classes, visit wendyspeaks.com