Single in Sydney: Sarah deconstructs the office Christmas party

SINGLE in Sydney’s Sarah Swain breaks down the office Christmas party. It’s a deconstructed version of events using numbers. How many men in hats did she meet?

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JOURNALIST Sarah Swain has been single for longer than she cares to remember. So to bring hope to others she’s sharing her no-holds-barred adventures every week.

Things that happened at the work Christmas party in numbers

1 Male guests spotted wearing a flat cap. (Remember the psychic told me I‘d meet a man wearing the questionable headwear). When I pointed out hat man to my colleague her eyes lit up. I however, wrinkled my nose at his huge beard. She told me to stop being so fussy. After staring at him for about 32 minutes, I was able to smugly tell her he was wearing a wedding ring anyway.

46 Number of pics I had taken in the photo booth. (Not on my own, honest.)

0 Number of photos taken in photo booth which managed to get everybody in the photo

12 Number of glasses of fizz consumed

2 Dishes of food consumed (a spring roll and a dish of risotto my boss demanded I ate).

6 Time I had to get up the next morning. I did!

2 Ferries it took to get there from Manly. I’ve been on shorter flights.

2 People who came up to compliment me on this column

23 People who came up to compliment me on my dress. It’s by designer Ivana Helsinki and the story behind it is probably the nicest thing somebody’s done for me all year. Possibly ever. You see, when I commented “OMG LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR DRESS, WHERE’S IT FROM?” on a Dubai friend’s picture she only went and got me one and send it to me as a Christmas present. Who needs a man when you have friends like that?

1 Man who came to ask what he’d have to do to get in the column — but “wasn’t it all made up anyway?” (Don’t you think if it was made up it’d be more exciting?)

Considering he was the same guy who walked me to the taxi rank after the Christmas party two years ago, and then never contacted me, he’s flying right in here.

He even wanted to know what I’d call him. I’ve decided on Mr Pygmy. He also suggested I should go paintballing. I think I’ll decline on that one.

5 Times I thought ‘I really should go and mingle with some new people, there might be nice single blokes.’

0 Times I went to mingle with new people.

1 Times I spilt my drink over a colleague (sorry Jules).

26 Age of the sales guy who looked at his boss in disbelief as he lectured him on how he needs to start going for women for their personality, not their looks or boobs.

2 Times somebody asked me why I am single.

11 Time I went home shortly after losing the aforementioned Mr Pygmy.

50 Approx weeks until next Christmas party