Single in Sydney: A mysterious lady with a book about queens and frogs offers Sarah a helping hand
A LADY in a straw hat offers a solution for Sarah’s singledom — in the form of a book about frogs and queens.
Manly
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JOURNALIST Sarah Swain has been single (but dating) for longer than she cares to remember. That’s because it’s tough out there, as any single will tell you, so to bring hope to others across the city, she’s sharing her no-holds-barred adventures on the Sydney single scene every week.
Queens and Frogs
ONE afternoon a few months ago, a lady came into the office to see me.
She was clutching a newspaper cutting of my column (it also runs in the Manly Daily), and was wearing a straw hat.
Now, sometimes, newspaper offices attract slightly, shall we say enthusiastic, people.
When I worked in Glasgow I once had a lady come in to tell me about horrible people killing deer with dogs.
And she brought me one of the dead deer’s hoofs in a carrier bag to prove it.
Anyway, straw hat lady told me she was a fan of my column, and wanted to help me.
Great! I thought.
And then she started talking about frogs.
Specifically, “frog farming”.
I thought she was as mad as, well, a box of frogs.
And I started nervously looking around to see if she had a tank of slimy amphibians stashed somewhere.
And then I realised she was talking about dating.
While I really, really wanted to ask what frog farming was, I listened as she told me about an American dating expert called Alison A. Armstrong who has written books on the subject.
This lady, Elissa, was her name, had even visited Armstrong in the US, and was off again soon, to train with her.
I was on deadline, so I said I’d look up Armstrong, and told her to get in touch when she got back.
Bless her. Elissa, who has just set up a relationship coaching company called Embracing Partnership, was very determined to help me and came in again when she got back — this time with a signed copy of the book she was talking about — just for me.
It’s called The Queens Code.
The subtitle is “crack the code on men”
And the blurb says: “Whether you’re in love with men or frustrated by them, or both, the Queen’s Code creates a new ethic and approach for interacting with men in a way that honours both sexes.”
Hmm. Well, with all these queens and frogs, it all sounded a bit Disney to me.
And I’ve realised there’s no magic wand solution.
Anyway.
I asked Elissa to tell me what on earth she was talking about — because I can’t interview Ms Armstrong for another four months, she’s so busy, and I haven’t had time to read the book.
Here’s what she told me.
1. The book’s changed her life (thought she’s single)
“After reading ‘The Queen’s Code’ I now see men in a completely new way in every area of my life from dating to work, family and friends,” she said.
2. It’s all about out primal instincts and the man being the ‘hunter’
When on a date, this kicks in, said Elissa, making us feel like there’s a “scarcity of men”, so we
have to please the man in front of us.
“We will twist and contort ourselves to be what we think that man wants. We may often sacrifice what will make us happy to keep this man.”
3. Men are not just ‘hairy women’
Before being involved with Alison’s work, Elissa said she’d got to a point of “frustration and resignation about men”, saying: “I treated men as if they were supposed to be just like me, and they were doing a super bad job of it,”
Now, she said, she has a completely new relationship with blokes.
4. We’re too independent
This is one I can’t really get my head around.
Elissa told me: “If we are too independent and self sufficient there is no room for a man to show up,”
But I say, until we meet the right man, what choice have we got but to be independent and self sufficient?
5. We need to let men help us
Elissa said she’s learned to accept help from men, for example when it comes to fixing things, rather than doing it herself or hiring somebody.
“I now see that most men love to provide, its what drives them. I get now that its hurtful and upsetting when we don’t allow them to help and provide for us,” she told me.
Well, I guess I really need to read this book then, hey?
But before she left, I had one more question.
There was just one more thing I needed to know. Just what IS a frog farmer?
“We start with the prince and turn him into a frog,” she said.
“Women do this by not noticing their many ‘gifts’ to us, or criticising them because we’re looking at their actions from our own frame of reference, not theirs.
“We need to re-look at what they’re doing from a new point of view.”
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