Single in Sydney: 9 things you absolutely DON’T say to a single woman
FROM asking if she wants kids to wondering why someone so hot still doesn’t have a boyfriend, Sarah Swain has heard it all — and here are the best ones.
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JOURNALIST Sarah Swain has been single (but dating) for longer than she cares to remember. That’s because it’s tough out there, as any single will tell you, so to bring hope to others across the city, she’s sharing her no-holds-barred adventures on the Sydney single scene every week.
Nine things NOT to say to a single woman
1. HOW are YOU single?
“You’re hot, you’re successful, you’re blonde ... how on earth are you single? I just don’t get it.”
Yep. Nor do I. But I get this almost daily.
2. Have you tried speed dating/internet dating /RSVP/Bumble/happy/tinder?
No! I never thought of that at all!
3. I’ve got a really hot single friend ... why don’t I set you up?
This happens often. There was that obnoxious dude who you might remember.
More recently, a friend of a friend in London, who writes a dating blog, suggested it might be fun if she set me up with a bloke she’d chatted to online, but never had chance to meet up with when she was in Sydney.
I agreed, he agreed, and we started messaging.
She’d suggested we could perhaps do it ‘totally’ blind, and though that sounded romantic, I’ve learned enough to know that would be asking for trouble with a capital F for freak.
Lucky, ‘cause the selfie he sent me was like a clown from a horror film, looming down towards the screen.
Not only, that, but he seemed a bit bogan. A lot bogan.
Plus, I had to mute my phone as he kept texting so much. When I didn’t reply instantly, he messaged to ask why.
I politely declined the date.
He replied saying he’d still like to meet. Of course he did.
4. Do you want children?
My doctor asked this recently. She’s the only one who is perhaps allowed to.
5. Have you tried going for ugly men? It’s not all about looks you know!
Mum, this means you. And while it’s certainly not all about looks, I don’t spend $200 every three months having nice hair, splash out on getting my nails done, buy nice outfits and shave my legs to date a blobfish who wears tracks dacks and tradie neon, thanks.
6. Why don’t you get a hobby? That’s the best way to meet men!
This is actually not a bad suggestion. And while the fact I run like Phoebe in Friends, ruled out my original ideas of touch rugby or Oz tag I thought I might try kayaking.
But I found out the only kayaking Meet Up group in fact meets miles away, and costs loads.
And while I could kayak solo around the harbour from Rose Bay, it’s not really what I have in mind. Hit me with your sensible suggestions.
7. Why don’t you get a dog?
A lovely lady I met at a friend’s birthday recently, met her true love while he was out walking his dog.
And while it wasn’t her with the canine, multiple folk started chiming in that if I got a hound, I’d instantly meet mine too, in a dogpark. But I don’t think Prince Harry cat would be keen, and plus, I’m allergic.
8. Have you thought about moving city/county/planet?
If another person tells me how terrible Sydney is for singles, I’ll stab myself with my nail scissors. Because I live here.
9. How’s the love life?
I have a few friends who live overseas, and after telling me their news, they end with this remark. Don’t they read my column?
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