Kerry Parnell: Why Madge is still fighting for her material world

Whether too sexy, too sacrilegious, too rude, too nude and, now, too young, you’d think we would have got the message Madonna is going to do what she damn well pleases, writes Kerry Parnell.

Madonna’s face – yes or no? That is not the question.

Social media has been ablaze all week as Madonna’s looks trended, following her changed appearance at the Grammys last weekend.

It turned into the usual feeding frenzy as everyone threw in their cent’s worth. “I thought Halloween was in October,” Piers Morgan tweeted, with other users posting mock-ups of what the pop star would look like if she’d aged naturally.

The Material Girl, true to form, wasn’t having any of it and took to social media to address the trolls.

Madonna, naturally, is not going to age naturally. Picture: Backgrid

“Once again I am caught in the glare of ageism and misogyny that permeates the world we live in,” she posted on Instagram. “I look forward to many more years of subversive behaviour, pushing boundaries, standing up to the patriarchy and most of all enjoying my life. Bow down bitches!” she wrote.

“The world is threatened by my power and my stamina. My intelligence and my will to survive. But they will never break me, this is all the test,” she added on Twitter, to her 2.8 million followers.

Singer Madonna in 1984.

She’s right. It’s not like we haven’t been here before – over and over – through the four decades Madonna’s been charting. In that time, she has been too sexy, too sacrilegious, too confident, too rude, too nude. Now she’s looking – and acting - too young. You’d think we would have got the message by now that Madonna is going to do what she damn well pleases until she takes her final bow.

The pop star is 64 and about to undertake another sell-out world tour. Safe to assume, she will not be doing so in elasticated pants and orthopaedic shoes, rather, corsets, whips and whatnot. Yes, she’s clearly had work on her face and is doing more than slathering on L’Oreal Revitalift, but then, she’s worth it.

Madonna wearing her cone bra.

We don’t have to like it. We don’t have to comment. It’s entirely up to her, as it is anyone, what they choose to look like, obviously. But the question is, what would be “acceptable ageing”, for Madonna? If she booted the Botox and let her wrinkles crinkle, would she get a better reception on social media? We all know she would not.

And whether you think she looks hot or not, she’s right in that the same level of scrutiny is rarely accorded male celebrities, as they grow older.

Most of the reaction is about Madge refusing to “age gracefully”. But the fact is, we don’t talk about men, “ageing gracefully”, we don’t talk about them at all – they simply get older, or become a “silver fox”.

The only news to stop Madonna trending was the announced reboot of Fawlty Towers. John Cleese has revealed he will be returning as Basil Fawlty in a new series of the 1970s classic. John is 83. Interestingly, he has been open about having stem cell therapy and eye surgery.

Nobody complained he is too old, on social media. I suppose they wouldn’t dare, after all, we know what Basil would say: “I beg your pardon?”

DOWNSIDE OF BEING A NEPO BABY

Who would want to be a nepo baby, anyway?

Gen Z continues to rage against nepo babies – the label they’ve given the offspring of the rich and famous, who are enjoying their turn being just as famous and even more rich. Stunning and brave and all that.

Fingers are pointing furiously at the likes of Apple Martin, 18, daughter of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, whose first foray into the fashion scene saw her sit front row at Chanel at the Paris couture shows last month. Other nepo babies under fire include actor-model Lily-Rose Depp, 23, daughter of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis; Stranger Things’ Maya Hawke, 24, daughter of Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman and actor Maude Apatow, 25, daughter of Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann. New York Magazine recently ran a cover story on the nepo-baby boom, titled, “She has her mother’s eyes. And agent.”

Apple Martin (right) sitting in the front row of the Chanel couture shows in Paris alongside Lucy Boynton. Picture: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

But the person who gets right up nepo-kiddie-catching noses is Brooklyn Beckham, 23, who, it seems, can do no right, career-wise. After a stint as a photographer, his latest turn as a chef is being met with derision on social media, as people gleefully recreate his recipes, expressly to show how rubbish they are.

The thing is, nepo-babies might get the chances others don’t, but they do still have to have some talent to make a go of it. “I feel like the only way to handle the nepotism thing - which definitely gives you massive advantages in this life - is, you will get chances for free, but the chances will not be infinite,” Maya Hawke said. “So, you have to keep working and do a good job. If you do a bad job, the chances will stop.”

Likewise, Lily-Rose Depp said, “The internet cares a lot more about who your family is than the people who are casting you in things. Maybe you get your foot in the door, but you still just have your foot in the door. There’s a lot of work that comes after that.”

Obviously, it’s annoying when someone gets to cut the line while the rest of us plebs wait in the cold, but for every nepo-success, there’s a nepo-failure. And sometimes a surname can be too famous. Sean Lennon, Chet Hanks and Indio Falconer Downey may agree. There’s a reason Zowie (Bowie) changed his name to Duncan Jones.\

Brooklyn Beckham cooking on Instagram.

I’d like to think if my parents had been multi-millionaire movie stars, I’d have started a charity, or run my own business, but teenage me would probably have wanted to sit front row, wear designer clothes and make movies, too. Luckily for me, my dad owned a newsagent’s: the only freebies I got growing up, were newspapers and look where that got me… oh, wait.

Meanwhile, many nepo babies do take the high road on the motorway of life – Bruce Springsteen’s son Sam is a firefighter; Harrison Ford’s son Ben a chef; Bill Gates’ daughter Jennifer is at medical school, Anna Wintour’s son Charles a doctor; Emma Thompson’s son Tindyebwa Agaba a human rights activist.

And Brooklyn, well, he’s happy making soup.

CONFIDENCE BEATS COSMETICS ANY DAY OF THE WEEK

Yes, it’s OK to be a bit fat.

Mike Carlton might not be a fan of the message from new Australian of the Year, Taryn Brumfitt, which is a shame, because she says she wants to get it across to men.

At the same time the media commentator took umbrage with Taryn’s appointment this week, she declared she’s on a mission to help blokes. “This has been a space that’s been dominated for women for a really long time, (but) it’s for everybody,” she said.

The former body builder, who shot to fame when she posted a naked reverse inspirational before and after photo of herself, has become a global body image activist, author and documentary maker with her Body Image Movement (BIM).

The 2023 Australian of the Year Taryn Brumfitt. Picture: NCA NewsWire/Gary Ramage

“There is so much despair in this nation for children and adults when it comes to what we think and how we feel about our bodies. Australia, it is not our life’s purpose to be at war with our body,” she said in her speech on Wednesday.

Her next project is to help men. “I’ve met many men who have had a lot of stories about men’s body image; they’re just not talking about it,” she said on 2GB.

Men don’t all have to be like former Bachelor Sam Wood, who got rid of his “dad bod”. Picture: Supplied

I’m with Taryn. Life is too short to be spent looking in mirrors in dismay. In my opinion, fit(ish) is fabulous, never mind the rest. As long as your body works and you don’t smell unpleasant, you’re winning.

And here’s the thing many of us forget in our quest for perfection – the most attractive people aren’t those who look flawless, but who carry themselves well. Confidence is far more flattering than cosmetic enhancement. If you feel good, you look good.

I spent my youth thinking I was fat. At the time I should have been loving myself silly, I hated my non-existent tummy. Now I’m no longer young and my tummy is very much in existence. I occasionally prod it and vow to cut down on cake, but then I remember I like cake, so I just forget about it.

So, for anyone struggling with their body image, here are my top tips:

1: Make your body work: It’s not about form, it’s about function – if you maintain a level of fitness, you’ll feel good, physically and mentally.

2: Wear clothes that fit: Don’t be a slave to sizes, buy clothes that fit you, whatever it says on the label and you’ll always feel – and look – great.

3: Ignore trends: Work out what suits your shape and make it your signature style, letting other trends go. In my case, walk on past, wide-legged pants, mi casa no es su casa.

4: Embrace your face: Each to their own, but if your make-up, grooming or hair-styling routine is so lengthy it’s taking the same time as the make-up chair for X-Men, then it’s become a disguise. Liberate yourself – lazy-grooming is the way to go.

5: Dad Bods are hot: Finally, a reminder to men reading this: Dad Bods rock. Even if you’re not a dad.