‘There are very few things in life I would ever line up for’: Sharyn Ghidella on queuing

I was prepared to make an exception to my biggest aversion – but I won’t be doing it again.

Picture: Andrew Henshaw

For the record: I have never liked queuing.

In fact, there are very few things in life I would ever line up for.

I just don’t believe there is anything worth risking swollen ankles for by joining a slow-moving conga line of strangers that potentially could end in despair.

(Of course, I would make an exception for a ticket to see George Clooney or Colin Firth, but I’m sure you’d understand why I’d happily bend the rules for that.)

Yes, mustering a mountain of patience and joining the herd has just never been my thing.

Patience is not my virtue and in today’s modern world, that’s not a very good trait to have.

Take my recent experience trying to buy concert tickets to see the irrepressible Lady Gaga.

Now, I’m not really a massive fan.

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Truth be told, I was dancing to The Bangles and Walking Like An Egyptian when Gaga came into the world, so she’s definitely not from my era, but with her uber talent, I figured she’d put on a mighty good show.

The only trouble was 50 million other Little Monsters also wanted to be at her Mayhem Ball, and that meant if I wanted to join the party, I would have to prepare for mayhem myself … and join the queue.

Not physically, mind you. This was a digital queue. I’d be lining up in the virtual world.

Well, that didn’t sound so bad. At least I could sit down during the ordeal.

My ankles would be happy. My backside, however, was now on high alert for signs of numbness and turning blue.

Because, let’s face it, whether it’s a virtual queue or a real one, I just knew the entire experience was still going to rob me of some sense of feeling and the one thing I don’t have a lot of – and that’s time!

Not that they warn you of that, when you read the flashy email promising nirvana.

Apparently, if I got in early I could avoid the general public and secure exclusive access to the presale. I saw those magic words: I could “jump the queue”.

So, after setting two alarms and clearing my entire schedule for the winter, I found myself in the virtual waiting room and after 30 minutes on hold, up popped some magic words again. Congratulations, YOU ARE NOW IN THE QUEUE with 6533 people in front of you.

In the queue? 6533 people in front of me?

What! I thought I was jumping the queue not joining it. Whoever wrote that email needs to look up the word jump in the dictionary.

Jump: to push yourself suddenly off the ground in order to go OVER something.

Go OVER something? I’d just jumped INTO that awkward purgatory between you’re moments from securing your tickets – and – sorry, you’ve just missed out. Due to unprecedented demand, this concert is now sold out.

Sharyn Ghidella

To be honest, purgatory is never a place I’ve wanted to be. Well, not right now anyway.

And the choice before me was not easy to make.

Did I test the staying power of my glutes, sitting in the queue for another hour, running the risk of still not getting a ticket at all or do I just bail, finally put on that load of washing that should have gone on an hour ago and salvage what’s left of the day and my sanity.

Did I mention, patience is not my virtue.

Yes, I bailed. At position 6533, I didn’t feel like I was on Gaga’s Edge of Glory, at all.

More like, I’d been tipped OVER the edge. So, I packed up my bat and my Mayhem Ball and went to the laundry instead.

And lucky I did, because from other accounts, I probably wouldn’t have secured those tickets anyway. Unless I wanted to be in a mosh pit, or watch the entire concert through a telescope, I was going to need to pay more than the average weekly grocery bill for the privilege of being there.

It’s probably more prudent I feed my children instead.

And, with the money left over, I could always buy a new cushion or some orthopaedic sandals, in case I should ever need to queue again.

Besides, I’m sure there’s a Gaga concert somewhere on TV just waiting to be watched … in a pair of PJs, with a glass of wine and snacks on the side.

That wouldn’t test my glutes at all.

Originally published as ‘There are very few things in life I would ever line up for’: Sharyn Ghidella on queuing