The surprising ways bullying can impact us as adults

It goes beyond schoolyard taunts

Bullying often spawns a pervasive sense of isolation, both physically and emotionally. Image: Pexels

If you've ever been the target of bullying, you'll know first-hand just how damaging it can be to your mental health. Here's how you can reclaim your sense of self-worth and rebuild your confidence.

Bullying is a distressing reality for many people. Whether it occurs during formative years at school, within friendship groups, mother’s groups or in the workplace, bullying often extends far beyond petty taunts.

The implications of bullying reverberate long after the immediate scars have healed, infiltrating the realm of mental health with a lasting and often devastating impact.

The psychological toll of bullying is a complex narrative that demands our attention, empathy, and proactive intervention.

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The mental health consequences of bullying

Bullying, whether it takes the form of verbal abuse, physical intimidation, or cyberbullying, is more than just a passing act of cruelty. It is a seed of desolation planted within the psyche of its victims, carrying the potential to shape their emotional landscape for years to come.

The erosion of self-esteem, the emergence of self-doubt, and the suffocation of self-worth often become companions of those who have endured the torment of bullying. Bullying can also change us - in order to cope with bullying we may find ourselves in a constant state of flight, fawn or freeze or develop ‘people-pleasing’ tendencies. For Simone* bullying became a daily occurrence.

“I had just entered the workplace after finishing my university degree and my manager constantly belittled me and undermined me. Every day I was crippled with anxiety – I couldn’t simply leave my job as money was an issue – and although I reported it to HR, there wasn’t a whole lot that was done,” she says.

“When I eventually left that job, I felt like I had lost my confidence and my will to work. This then led to depression and I became very withdrawn from family and friends. I couldn’t afford to go out with friends because I had no means, but I also had started to believe many of the hurtful words my boss had told me. Things like that I couldn’t complete even the simplest of tasks; I wasn’t good at communicating and I was a disappointment and failure.”

Unfortunately, Simone’s experience is common. Bullying often spawns a pervasive sense of isolation, both physically and emotionally.

Bullying is more than just a passing act of cruelty. Image: Getty

The victims find themselves distanced from the world around them, trapped in a cycle of shame and anguish that diminishes their ability to forge meaningful connections. The lingering echoes of hurtful words and demeaning actions cast a shadow over their self-perception, often leading to anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.

As the mental health effects of bullying take root, a battle within the individual's mind ensues—a battle fought in silence and solitude. Anxiety can become an unwelcome addition, heightening the sense of vulnerability and triggering relentless worry about potential retribution. Victims become trapped in a state of hyper-vigilance, perceiving threats even in benign interactions.

Depression often follows suit, descending like a heavy fog that clouds the ability to experience joy or hope. Feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness permeate the individual's perception of self and the world, creating a self-reinforcing cycle of despair. Isolation intensifies, as social interactions become sources of distress rather than comfort.

If bullying occurs in our younger years, the mental health effects of bullying can persist into adulthood, shaping patterns of behaviour and relationships. Childhood trauma, as a result of bullying, can lead to trust issues, making it difficult to form and maintain bonds with others.

Coping mechanisms developed during the bullying years, such as withdrawal or avoidance, can linger, hindering healthy emotional development. I often work with clients who experienced significant bullying in their formative years, and this often shows up in adulthood as fractured relationships, significant trust issues, as well as estrangement from families and friends. 

Encouraging empathy, kindness, and respect not only helps prevent bullying but also creates a supportive network that can mitigate the damage inflicted by such experiences. For those who have already suffered the wounds of bullying, seeking professional help is a pivotal step toward healing.

Trauma-focused therapy can empower individuals to reclaim their sense of self-worth and rebuild their confidence.

*Name has been changed for privacy reasons

Diane Young is a psychotherapist at South Pacific Private - one of Australia’s leading treatment centres for trauma, addiction and mental health.  

Originally published as The surprising ways bullying can impact us as adults