I was a school bully. My mum's response was to brutally shame me

"It’s no longer a secret. The evil, awful, atrocious things I was saying - now everybody knows about them."

Lauren Robinson

@L_Robinson96

3 min read

February 26, 2025 - 1:19PM

Parenting

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Around the world, one of the toughest challenges parents face is bullying.

But, what do you do when your child is the one that is the bully? And a brutal one at that.

Well, one reformed bully has revealed the gentle parenting approach her mother took, with the harsh lesson remaining with her, even years later.

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"Australian schools do nothing"

TikTok user @absurdoblivion recounted the story from when she was 10, referring to herself as Steph.

“I never bullied ever again. Ever. Not one day after that. After I had to deal with my mother,” she begins.

Her story is particularly important for Aussie parents to hear, after a recent viral clip of a mother bursting into an Adelaide classroom to confront her child’s bully made international headlines. Steph even reveals that story was what sparked her need to speak out.

In the comment section of her post there’s another reflection of how Australia is confronting bullying.

“Australian schools do nothing. Absolutely nothing,” it reads.

So, Steph wanted to share her story of a parenting tactic that worked. She explained how she targeted a young neighbour, by the name of Lisa, each day on the bus home from school.

The first step her mum took to address the issue was simple.

“The first skill that you have to build is empathy,” Steph explains.

Her mother did just that.

Growing up Steph’s mother’s parenting style was gentle, with natural consequences used for discipline.

@absurdoblivion
In elementary school I bullied a neighbour on the bus ride home over a period of several weeks. Here is the story of how my gentle parent mom dealt with it. …. I still feel ashamed of my behaviour to this DAY!!!!! #bullying
♬ original sound - 🇨🇦 AbsurdOblivion

"That shame is good"

“One day our neighbour comes over and says ‘Steph’s been bullying my daughter. Here’s some of the things that Lisa has said,’” she recounted.

Her mother could has easily denied her daughter's wrongdoings or she could punish her - but she didn't go with the obvious choice.

Her mum made it clear she was “shocked and disappointed” explaining how Lisa and Lisa's mother had been hurt by the cruel actions.

“In my mind I’m like ‘oh no… everybody knows. It’s no longer a secret. The evil, awful, atrocious things I was saying - everybody knows about them,” Steph realised.

Her mum demanded she say sorry, following a lengthy discussion around hurting other people's feelings.

Zero time was wasted with Steph told to “march your ass” over to the neighbour's house to face the music.

Image: TikTok/ absurdoblivion

“I’m like ‘Lisa, I’m really sorry for the things that I’ve been saying to you’ and my mum says ‘such as?’”

Steph had no choice but to shamefully repeat the long list of horrible taunts, including the ones about Lisa's dead father.

“I never want to let go of that shame. That shame is good.” Steph said.

But her mother wasn't satisfied with the apology. She was also asked to directly address Lisa’s mother.

“I had to repeat the things a second time. I had to say all those same things to her mother’s face,” Steph revealed.

Forgiveness wasn't instant.

“It will take us some time to forgive you,” Lisa’s mother warned.

After years of waiting, that time did come.

Steph pulled Lisa aside once again as teenagers and apologised without the prompt from her mother and Lisa accepted it.

Overall it was a strong "lesson in humility".

"I had to stand there, in her house, repeat the atrocious things that I had said to her, in front of her, in front of her mum," she reflected.

"Then I had to apologise to my own mother for disappointing her with my behaviour... but f***ing effective, and I’m glad that she handled it that way.’”